


First Comes Marriage, Then Comes Love

by TheSassBrit



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cullen and Tessa appearing on Thedas' version of Married at First Sight, Drug Withdrawal, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mages, Modern Thedas, PTS, Templars, married at first sight, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-04-23 10:47:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 53,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4873876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSassBrit/pseuds/TheSassBrit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen never believed he would ever be on a TV show. One drunken mistake later, he finds himself on the show Married At First Sight, which takes Thedas' most eligible singles and pair them up with someone for marriage. After being convinced by his best friend, Alistair, and his sisters, he finally agreed to go through with the experiment. </p><p>He never believed in love at first sight, but he was willing to make an exception.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Marriage

“I can’t do this.” 

“Yes, you can!”

“I don’t even know this girl!”

Cullen started to pace in the hotel room. He could already feel himself sweating through his nice button up shirt, his palms were clammy, and he felt as if everything was crashing down around him.

How did he _ever_ let Alistair talk him into this?!

Alistair, meanwhile, was sitting on one of the room’s beds next to Varric, who looked amused by the whole situation. “Cullen, I already told you that I know this girl. Everything will be fine!”

Alistair was trying to reassure him, but Cullen didn’t feel it in the least. “And why have I never met her if you and Eryn know her so well?!”

“Because you ducked out whenever we invited you both to things!”

Cullen flinched. He supposed he was the only one to blame for that one.

Now, one may be wondering how the poor man was in this state. Cullen was feeling sorrier for himself than usual one night and he made a bad decision involving alcohol. All his sisters talked about was this show called _Married at First Sight_ and he stupidly filled out a profile.

What sobered him up was when he received an email three weeks later from the producers and the matchmakers on the show saying they wanted to interview him because they believed they could match him with someone. And they wanted him and this woman to be on the show.

He had panicked and told Alistair right away and Alistair looked at the name of the girl they matched him with. Alistair then told him this was the girl he and his wife had been trying to get Cullen to meet for almost a year now.

And then Cullen let Alistair, Alistair’s wife, Eryn, and his sisters talk him into actually going through with this.

Now, Cullen found himself on the morning of his _wedding_ day, panicking.

“Here,” Alistair tossed him a new shirt, “you have a gift from her. You sent her something, right?”

“Of course I did!”

Cullen quickly pulled off the shirt he already managed to sweat through and shrugged on the new on. He gulped heavily as he stared down at the small gift bag. He had sent her some new books, which Alistair, Eryn, and the profile the matchmakers sent him said she would like.

The fact she was here in the same building was blowing his mind.

Was she as worried about this as he was? Was she scared? Nervous? Excited?

Cullen’s stomach churned as he opened the small bag and removed the tissue paper from inside. His eyes widened and his breath hitched when he saw the hint of gold peek up at him. It was a small pendent in the shape of the Andrastian symbol. The small sun was a hint of familiarity and he gingerly picked it up and noticed it was on a chain. A small notecard fluttered down from the tissue paper and Cullen quickly picked it up.

‘ _Cullen, here’s to hoping Andraste will guide us. Can’t wait to meet you!_ ’

Meanwhile, Cullen didn’t know what to think. She couldn’t wait to meet him? He suddenly felt calmer for some reason. Maybe she was just as nervous, but she might be more optimistic about it.

“Aw, that was nice of her,” Varric drawled, sprawling back onto his bed.

Cullen’s panic suddenly came back with revenge. “Oh Maker, what if I ruin her life? What if I become one of those arsehole husbands on this show? What if she doesn’t like me? What if-“

“Curly!”

It was Varric who interrupted him this time.

“You’re incapable of being a life ruiner. I’ve met too many of those and you don’t fit the profile. And do me a favor,” Varric stood and crossed his arms, “Stop overthinking this. Treat this like any other romantic relationship you had. Stop thinking about the damn show for a moment and just think of this as a weird first date.”

Alistair nodded in approval. “Believe me, Cullen, Eryn and I wouldn’t have tried to so hard for so long if we didn’t think you would like this girl. We think you two are perfect for each other. The people on the show just had more luck with making you go through with actually meeting her.”

Cullen stared down at the necklace in his hands. With a deep breath, he slipped it over his head and tucked it under his shirt.

“Alright.”

* * *

Tessa had imagined her wedding day many times.

She imagined a beach wedding or something spectacular. Other times her wedding day was on a perfect fall day with the beautiful colors of the trees everywhere. And sometimes she even imagined something crazy, like a themed wedding.

This…was never in her imagination.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

She looked up at her Maid of Honor and one bridesmaid and tried to stay calm. What if he didn’t like her? What if she wasn’t what he imagined? What if her inexperience ruined everything?

“Hey, me neither, but here we are,” Marian joked, pulling at the top of the strapless dress she was wearing.

Marian Hawke had been the easy, lighthearted, sarcastic reassurance Tessa had needed throughout all of this while Eryn was the steadfast, confident, tough-love support.

“Tessa, how many times have I told you that you guys would be perfect together?” Eryn asked around the bobby pins in her mouth. She pinned another lock of Tessa’s hair back.

“I still don’t understand how I have never met him before!”

“Because one of you guys would always duck out whenever Ali and I invited you guys to anything. It was infuriating beyond belief,” Eryn huffed.

Tessa flinched. Her mother had told her she was married to her job once. Tessa had always ducked out because she was always on-call at the hospital. Being one of the few mage-Nurses there put her skills in high demand. She never made it to anything Eryn mentioned because she had to work.

“I expect you to not be on-call all the time once you’re married. You guys need to spend time together,” Eryn ordered, pinning the last bobby pin in Tessa’s hair.

“No kidding. Nothing will work if you’re seeing your patients more than him,” Marian agreed.

Tessa looked down at the books in her lap. She stroked her fingers down the spines and she couldn’t help but grin a little. She hoped he liked her gift. She decided to get him an Andrastian necklace because she knew he used to be a Templar. Alistair had told her he had strong faith as well.

That was another thing Tessa had never imagined on her wedding day.

Marrying a Templar…or an ex-Templar.

The Circles of Thedas were basically boarding schools for mages. Many saw them as privileged prisons. She left home when she was 11 and she stayed until she graduated at 17. She then went to Denerim University, where she met Eryn and Marian, and they have been best friends ever since.

Mages were allowed to study outside of the Circle and Tessa was able to get a nursing degree and she worked at the local hospital in the ER. Tessa never minded the Circle, but she did have a small issue with Templars once.

But, what did her future husband think of all of this?

Both Eryn and Alistair told her he knew she was a mage and he truly didn’t have a problem with it.

She still worried, despite that.

“I’m still releasing the doves at the end of the ceremony right?”

Both Tessa and Eryn stared at Marian for a moment before bursting into laughter.

All three women made it out of the hotel room and Eryn and Marian held Tessa’s hands as they walked closer and closer to the room the ceremony was being held in.

Tessa’s father was already waiting for them and Alistair and Varric were standing near him.

“Varric! Looks like we’re finally walking down the aisle!” Marian laughed, sweeping the dwarf up in her arms and planting a kiss on his head.

“Yeah, Broody is gonna kill me.”

Tessa couldn’t help but smile at the two as they continued their banter to the door of the room.

Cedric Trevelyan held out his arm for his daughter. “Ready?”

Tessa bit her lip and glanced toward Eryn, who gave her a big, encouraging smile before linking her arm with Alistair’s and walking through the double doors after Marian and Varric.

“Not really,” she mumbled, linking her arm with her father’s. Some of the TV show crew members gave her the bouquet and she gulped as she stared down at it.

Cedric pecked the top of her head. “If anyone could make something like this work, it’s you. I believe in you, pumpkin.” Before they walked through the door, she heard him say, “You look beautiful, by the way.”

The doors opened and Tessa finally dared to look up at her future husband. Even from the other side of the room, she could tell he was handsome. His mouth was open with awe and Tessa couldn’t help but smile at him. She couldn’t help but think his awestruck looked adorable. He glanced at Alistair before looking at her again.

She finally made it to the altar and her father gave her another encouraging smile before walking to his seat next to her mother.

Not knowing what to say, she glanced up at Cullen shyly. Her grip kept tightening around the bouquet and she tried to hide her shaking. How could she be scared and excited at the same time? “Hello,” she said breathlessly. Maker, he was even more handsome up close.

His amber eyes widened and he cleared his throat. “Hello.”

Oh Maker, even his voice was attractive.

Tessa felt as if a shock of electricity shot through her skin every time she and Cullen brushed against each other. Well, it seemed like attraction wasn’t going to be a problem. He was tall and broad and he looked every bit the Templar he used to be. She recognized the stance instantly because of her grandfather and from her time at the Circle.

She could stare at the rugged, chiseled lines of his face and jaw for hours. Tessa would have been embarrassed, but she was beyond the point of caring. She found herself wondering if his blonde hair was as soft as it looked, or how his scar would feel if she pressed her lips against his. His eyes were what intrigued her the most. Tessa saw something she saw in many of the soldiers and Templars she helped treat at the hospital. Her inner healer wanted to reach out and soothe what was there. 

There was also a strength she usually didn’t see in the people she helped, and that was the part that intrigued her.

Before she knew it, they were exchanging rings and she was suddenly aware of every single damn TV camera in the room being zeroed in on them.

“You may kiss the bride,” the Mother said.

Tessa felt like a hart in the headlights. Should she kiss him? What did he want to do? Oh Maker.

Cullen cleared his throat and softly asked, “May I kiss you?”

Well, that answered many questions. The fact he asked for permission said many good things right away.

Speechless, all she could do was smile and nod.

He reached up, rested his hands on either side of her neck and pressed a tender kiss to her lips.

Tessa felt as if all of her nerves were tingling and she never wanted this kiss to end, which she knew was silly because of her situation.

But damn, the man was a good kisser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started out as a stupid brain dump after watching part of an episode of this dumb show with my mom one night. I don't even like the show, but Arraigned Marriage AUs turn my gears. And, I think this could work for Tessa and Cullen. They're both nerds that fall hard anyway.


	2. Slow

Cullen barely managed to stumble through the interviews for the TV show after the ceremony. He couldn’t stop looking at his wife.

His _**wife.**_

Alistair and Eryn’s description of her didn’t do justice in the least.

Her red-gold hair was not the strawberry blonde they described and it shone brilliantly in the lights around them. It reminded him of how the wheat fields near his hometown looked as the sun was setting. The soft curls of her hair fell a little past her upper back and Cullen wondered if it was as soft as it looked.

Maker, he knew he could stare at her eyes all day if he could. They were heavily lashed and large. Their unique violet hue held a kindness and strength in them he didn’t expect to see.

And her smile! She was radiant when she smiled. The hint of dimples would barely show on her cheeks and he couldn’t help but think they were adorable. She didn’t need magic to light up a room when her smile did the job for her. 

Cullen knew he was quickly getting in over his head, but he couldn’t find the gumption to care. He could act like a lovesick kid for one night, couldn’t he?

He was finally able to get away from the cameras and he and Tessa were basically shoved toward the doors of the event room of the hotel.

The sound of music and many people talking could already be heard on the other side of the doors.

“Ready?”

Cullen looked down at Tessa and he took a deep breath. “As I’ll ever be.”

A grin came to her full lips and she held out her hand. “Let’s go then.”

The TV crew members gave them the okay and they were finally able to enter the event room. Cullen was glad to see how small the crowd was. He saw all of his siblings and Mia’s husband and children sitting at one table and Alistair, Eryn, Varric, and Marian were already waiting for them at the table at the front. A few of his friends from the police department were there and he assumed the rest of the people were Tessa’s family and friends.

Most of the evening passed in a blur, both Alistair and Eryn read their speeches, which both basically wished them the best of luck and explained how they were trying to get them to meet for months and it took a darn TV show to succeed.

Tessa laughed at one of Alistair’s jokes in his speech and Cullen found himself wanting to hear that sound again. It was clear and full of joy. Maker, he really had it bad.

Cullen found himself getting a little irritated as the night went on. He wanted to just _talk_ to her with no cameras or people surrounding them. He wanted to know what she thought about all of this and how she planned to handle everything.

He wanted to know if he was the only one who was terrified.

Finally, the first dance was announced and Tessa shrugged before standing and beckoning for him to follow.

They made it to the dance floor and Cullen took the time to truly appreciate her dress. It had lace sleeves that made her arms look elegant and the lacy layers of the skirt looked beautiful as they trailed behind her. The back of the dress also dipped down into a deep ‘V’ toward the small of her back and his whole body grew hot whenever he looked at it.

He held out his hand and she grinned at him before placing her hand in it. Maker, her hand was so dainty compared to his. A slow, romantic song Cullen didn’t know started to play and he took that as the cue to start dancing. He pulled her close and rested his hand on the small of her back and she rested her free hand on his shoulder.

“I’m a horrible dancer, just warning you,” he muttered as the music got louder.

Tessa shook her head. “I don’t mind,” she replied with a soft laugh.

Cullen tried to remember everything his sisters and Eryn taught him about dancing as they slowly swayed to the music. Tessa started to hum along with the music and Cullen had to hold back an amused smile at how some of the notes were a little off.

“Just laugh. I know I can’t sing,” she giggled, squeezing his shoulder a little.

He finally let his smile through. Alistair and Varric’s advice suddenly passed through his thoughts and he spoke without thinking, since they told him to flirt. “I don’t mind. I think it’s cute.”

Her eyes widened momentarily before looking away. She bit her lip as she smiled and Cullen was glad he didn’t make a fool of himself.

The song finally ended and Alistair and Eryn swarmed them like moths to a flame. “Now stay out here and dance you arseholes,” Eryn ordered when a faster song came on.

Tessa gave her a bewildered look.

“To make up for all the times both of you stood us up!” Alistair explained over the music.

Cullen arched a brow at them, but then Marian and Varric were joining in and it seemed he had no choice. Cullen only knew how to dance to certain songs. The Circles always held dances the mages could go too and sometimes the Templars were allowed to dance with them for a ‘bonding’ activity.

Cullen wondered if the Ostwick Circle had special dances for certain songs like the other Circles did.

He glanced at Alistair and Alistair somehow, someway, seemed to know what he was thinking. He winked at Cullen before making a beeline to the DJ.

“Where’s the bugger going?” Marian asked for them all.

A familiar song called ‘Sugar’ started playing and Cullen felt playful for the first time in years. He held out his hand to Tessa, ignoring his friends’ dropped jaws.

Tessa’s face lit up and she placed her hand in his again. “You know this one?” she laughed as he pulled her close.

“Perhaps.”

Cullen spun her out before pulling her close again, happy to know he didn’t have to think to remember how this dance went. It was a modified version of swing dancing, since Templars and mages weren’t allowed to slow dance with each other. Apparently the bonding activity couldn’t allow _too_ much bonding. 

The beat of the music and the obvious joy on Tessa’s face lifted his spirits and he almost forgot about the damn TV show for a moment.

At one point of the song, Tessa shook her hips more than necessary before he pulled her back toward him and that action did things he didn’t know it could.

His whole body felt hot now and he held her close during the slow part of the song. His hand remained low on her waist and he started to sing the lyrics softly in her ear, causing her to let out a soft, breathless laugh in her own.

_“I want that red velvet; I want that sugar sweet.”_

Oh how he did…he knew not soon, but he did.

The song ended with Cullen lifting Tessa in the air and twirling her, which took her by surprise. She was still laughing when he put her back down and her hands settled on his upper arms as she looked up at him. “I haven’t danced to that in years!”

“What the shit, Cullen? You said you couldn’t dance!” Marian laughed, digging a playful elbow into his arm before shimmying toward Varric again.

Cullen opened his mouth to retort, but was interrupted by a tug on his arm. He almost groaned when he saw one of the TV crew members tapping her watch, signaling it was almost time to leave.

Both of them said goodbye quickly to their friends and family before they were tugged away by the crew members. Their room key was handed to them and they were shoved onto the elevator. 

Oh shit.

Cullen’s nerves were more than frazzled now.

What was she expecting? Did she want to…do anything? Or was this going to be platonic? Maker, he hoped she would want to take it slow.

What was he going to do if she didn’t?

* * *

Tessa was going through the same agony.

The same thoughts crossed her mind. Was he expecting them to do anything, like a normal wedding night? Or was this going to be a slow process?

Tessa begged to Andraste or whoever was up there that he would want to take it slow.

The ding of the elevator pulled her from her thoughts and she peeked up at Cullen. He looked just as nervous as she did and she saw his Adam’s apple bob as he gulped heavily.

They stopped in front of their room and Tessa couldn’t seem to look him in the eye as he fumbled with their room card. He finally opened the door and held it open for her. “Thank you,” she said, grinning up at him.

Maker, she didn’t want to seem nervous, but she didn’t want him to get the wrong idea either.

She stepped into the room, turning on lights as she went. It was a spacious, king sized suite, courtesy of the producers of the show. She knew the other couples had rooms just like this. And of course, there was only one bed. She saw all of their luggage stacked up in a neat pile in the corner and she curiously stared at how he only had three compared to her six.

The sound of the door shutting set an ominous mood, which wasn’t good. _Okay Tessa, he’s probably as freaked out about this as you are if Alistair and Eryn are right about him. Give and take._

She turned so she could face him and her whole body felt hot when she noticed how he was looking at her. His mouth—his gorgeous mouth that she couldn’t stop looking at—was slightly parted as he stared at her. He caught himself and cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I-I think we should talk,” he suggested, gesturing to the king sized bed that dominated the room.

Tessa nodded and took a seat on the edge, patting the spot beside her. He wanted to talk? Was this a good talk or a bad talk? Was he regretting everything already? Shit.

He sat beside her and she noticed he put some room between them. She momentarily glanced at how broad his shoulders were before focusing on his face again. “I just want to know how you feel about all of…this, and how you want to go about it,” he finally said, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

Tessa felt what could only be described as pleasant surprise rush through her. “I’m nervous, but I’m willing to give it a shot. Eryn and Alistair spoke the world of you, after all. Silly me just had to be working all the time and could never meet you,” she rambled, wringing her hands, “It’s not like I never wanted to it was just I couldn’t and then I get the email from the show and I was so scared at first but-“

She fell quiet when an amused grin came to his lips. She buried her face in her hands. “Sorry, I can’t stop when I’m nervous.”

“It’s alright. I’m just as nervous, if not more,” he paused and turned towards her a little, “Varric actually said something helpful before all of this.”

Tessa let out a laugh, lowering her hands. “Varric being helpful? This outta be good.”

Cullen let out a soft chuckle before continuing. “He said to think of this as a strange first date…so should we treat this as a strange form of dating?”

He looked so nervous and Tessa wondered if he was afraid of the same things that were frightening her at the moment. “I like that idea.”

Cullen let out a long breath and his shoulder’s sagged in relief. “Maker’s breath, I was so worried you wouldn’t for a moment.”

Grinning, Tessa reached for his hand and gently held it in hers. Andraste preserve her, his hands were so big and warm. “I was too. I was more worried about tonight than anything else, which is silly, but I’m just so worried you would want to take this fast and—“ she cut herself off, biting her lip before she could say anything stupid.

“You too? Thank the Maker.”

Tessa couldn’t help but giggle. So, he was what Eryn and Alistair said he was. Eryn had adamantly told her he would wait, and she was right.

“So, let’s talk about how we want to go about this more,” she said, scooting closer to him. Just because she didn’t want to sleep with him right now didn’t mean she couldn’t get close, right?

“Like what?” he asked, arching a brow.

She was pleased to notice he didn’t move away from her, he even moved closer to her. “Well, like boundaries and stuff? What’s okay and what’s not okay? Things like that.”

Tessa just wanted to know if he would be okay with things like sharing the bed, kissing, hugging, and so on and so forth. She knew she was a person who liked to be close and touch her partner and she wondered if he would be bothered by it.

“What were you thinking?” he asked, tugging at the buttons at the top of his shirt.

“Well,” Tessa felt more bold than she had in a long time, and she took a leap of faith, “stuff like this.” She leaned forward and pecked his cheek. She almost shivered at the feel of his stubble against her skin.

An adorable flush that was probably matching her own was rising on his cheeks. “T-That’s fine,” he stammered, leaning toward her.

Tessa grinned when he pressed a soft peck to her lips. Well, this was off to a better start than she imagined. “So, little things are okay? Slow is okay?” she asked softly, tilting her head.

“Yes,” he replied instantly, looking down at her lips. He didn’t move away after kissing her.

“What about…” she trailed off and gestured to the bed. Maker, she hoped she didn’t step over the line.

Cullen glanced back at the bed before shaking his head. “That’s fine too.”

Tessa held back an overexcited squeal before standing up. “Well, I’m glad the little things are settled.” She turned and lifted her hair, revealing the clasp at the top of her dress. She really loved the design. It clipped at the top and then opened up around her shoulder blades and ended in a V at the small of her back, but she was ready to get out of it.

“Care to help?” she asked, glancing at him over her shoulder. Even though they decided slow was okay, he was still her husband.

Cullen stood and she glanced at their reflection in the mirror as he reached for the tiny buttons. Maker, he was at least 6 inches taller than her, if not more. She was wearing heels even. She bit her lip to keep from gasping when she felt the rough pads of his fingers brush against her skin. She held up the dress as soon as he got the buttons undone. She grinned over her shoulder. “Thank you.”

She quickly grabbed her pajamas and hurried to the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE seen a couple do a swing dance sort of thing to Sugar by Maroon 5 and it was the cutest thing.


	3. First Night

Cullen took deep breaths as he tried to remember they decided to take it slow.

Seeing the dress almost fall away from her for a moment sparked a wave of desire he had not felt in years. Frankly, she was gorgeous. And barely feeling how soft and warm her skin was against his fingers did not help. His hands were shaking as he unbuttoned the rest of his shirt, tossing both it and the vest of his suit on the dresser.

Maker’s breath, he had to get a hold of himself. He didn’t want to scare her away right after they decided to take things at a slow pace. He was acting like an overeager kid.

He quickly changed into a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt before laying down on the bed. He started to go through the old mental exercises the Templars taught him and he barely managed to get his desire under control right as she opened the door to the bathroom.

Cullen almost choked on his breath.

Her sleep shorts showed off long legs and hugged the curve of her hip perfectly. The oversized University of Denerim shirt looked adorable on her, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of how it draped off of one shoulder, revealing her collarbone. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun on top of her head, showing the elegant line of her neck.

He quickly stood up and escaped into the bathroom. He splashed some cold water on his face before going through his nightly routine.

Cullen stared at himself in the mirror, mentally preparing himself before stepping back out into the room.

Tessa was already tucked under the covers of the bed, plugging her cellphone into the outlet near the nightstand. She sat upright again before giving him a kind grin and patting the spot beside her.

Maker’s breath.

He gingerly climbed in as well.

“Just warning you, I’m a cuddler,” she said sheepishly, playing with the edge of the blanket.

Cullen almost laughed at how nervous she looked. He supposed he was the same. It seemed they would be walking on eggshells for a while before they could get used to each other.

He found himself willing to take the little steps though.

Besides, he could imagine worse things than having a pretty woman cuddling up to him in bed.

“I don’t mind,” he said, telling himself to relax and finally sleep.

They both finally got settled in the bed and Tessa turned off the lamp. A tense silence fell over them for a moment before she broke it, “I guess we’re going to be one of the ‘boring’ couples on the show.”

A snort of laughter escaped before he could stop it. “I am perfectly alright with that.”

A giggle escaped her. “Well, we don’t really stand a chance. I heard one of the other couples was a man from Tevinter and a Qunari.”

Cullen barked out a laugh at that. “Again, I’m perfectly fine with being the least entertaining couple in this.”

He almost jumped when he felt her fingertips reach for his hand, but quickly relaxed and let her intertwine their fingers together.

“Can we make a deal? Can we try to pretend the cameras aren’t there as much as possible? I didn’t realize how daunting it could be until we had to kiss during the ceremony.”

Cullen squeezed her hand, knowing what she meant. She looked terrified for a moment during that part of the ceremony, causing him to ask if it was alright if he could kiss her.

“I hate having attention brought to myself in the first place, now I’m on TVs all over Thedas,” he said dryly.

Tessa scooted closer to him and Cullen tried to not to be too stiff when he could feel her body heat against his side. “Well, if we’re boring, they won’t film us as often. There would be no entertainment,” she giggled.

Silence settled over them again before she broke it. “I have all of these questions buzzing through my mind and I want to ask them, but I’m scared to,” she whispered, squeezing his fingers a little.

Well, Cullen wasn’t going to sleep soon anyway, not with his nerves being as shot as they are. “What did you want to ask?”

She shifted again and Cullen finally turned on his side to face her. Maker’s breath, he couldn’t remember the last time he actually shared a bed with someone.

“Why did you become a Templar?”

Oh, right, she was a mage. Of course she was going to want to know about that. Cullen mentally froze. Should he tell her he stopped taking lyrium when he left the Templars? Should he tell her about the nightmares that still haunted him? Should he tell her about the withdrawal pain he had?

No, he could wait to scare her off some other time.

“I couldn’t think of a better cause than to help those in need,” he began, gently pulling his fingers from her grasp. He started to trace patterns on her palm with his fingertips. Sweet Maker, her skin was soft. “I was 13 when they finally accepted me into the training program.”

She scooted closer, again, and Cullen had to use every ounce of his willpower to keep his hands to himself.

“13? That’s so young.”

“I wasn’t the youngest there, and I didn’t truly begin my duties until I was 18,” he cleared his throat and scooted closer to her himself, almost jumping when their legs brushed. “What about you? When did you go to the Circle?”

“I was 12 when my magic first started to act up, my grandfather was able to pull strings so I could stay at home a little longer before going to the Circle.”

“Why did you pick nursing?” he asked. Most mages wanted to do things for the army or research on how to enhance technology with magic, or even the movie business. Tessa chose something most mages didn’t want to take the time with.

“I always loved the idea. I think I would have become a nurse even if I didn’t have my magic. And my teachers at Ostwick encouraged it when they saw I had the control for it. Most mages are scared of that route because you must be precise with your magic when you’re healing.”

That explained many things. Cullen never truly paid attention to the lessons being taught to the mages, not when he was supposed to be studying all of the mages’ body language and constantly keeping an eye out for anything amiss.

Cullen suddenly wanted to know everything about her, he wanted to share her optimism about this. Maker, he desperately wanted to believe she wouldn’t think less of him if he told her his troubles.

“Why did you leave?” she asked.

Cullen’s throat closed up when he thought of the mage riot at Kirkwall. His throat closed up even more when he thought of Knight-Commander Meredith’s silent rage when she told him to shut up and cover up his investigations in the Circle. He thought of the battered and broken mage girl he found in one of the deserted corners of the Circle, bleeding and bruised because of her attacker.

“You don’t have to tell me, I was just curious,” Tessa said lightheartedly, taking a hold of his hand again.

Maker’s breath, how could someone be so kind?

“I was stationed in Kirkwall during the mage riots. As Knight-Captain, I began to investigate into the incidents there and my Knight-Commander told me to sweep what I found under the rug. I didn’t agree, so I gave my evidence to the Seekers and left.”

His heart clenched as silent rage swept through him. He could hear that girl’s ragged cries in his dreams still. They joined in with his experiences from Kinloch in his nightmares.

Tessa’s fingers squeezed a little before relaxing again and she moved again, squishing their hands between their chests. “I’m sorry that happened to you,” she whispered.

Cullen shook his head, trying to force himself to enjoy the moment. He had a beautiful woman basically pressed up against him and she didn’t sound judgmental at all. In all actuality, he should be ecstatic right now.

“It’s alright, it’s been a few years and I’m enjoying my time with the police.”

“I’m glad.”

What was surprising was the fact she actually sounded happy for him.

Cullen started to trace patterns on the back of her hand with his thumb. His body finally relaxed and he grinned when he started to hear soft snores from her.

Maybe this could work.

* * *

Tessa hadn’t shared a bed with someone in years, and that someone was usually one of her friends when they stayed over at each other’s dorm rooms in college.

And the last time she shared a bed with a boy was when she was 6 and when she climbed into her older brothers’ beds when she was lonely.

To be sharing a bed with Cullen was a whole new experience.

Tessa woke up and all she could feel, hear, and smell was the man next to her. She kept her eyes closed, just basking in the moment and she couldn’t stop the tingling heat in her belly as Cullen just seemed to surround her.

He was warm and solid beneath her hands, which somehow ended up squished between their chests. She could feel the warmth radiating through his clothes and she felt like she was sleeping with her own personal space heater. And he smelled amazing. Tessa had to keep resisting the urge to bury her face into the front of his shirt. She finally opened her eyes and she had to stop a silly grin from coming to her face.

She was waking up with her _**husband**_. Despite their agreement to go slow and their strange circumstances, her heart still skipped at the thought.

A glint of gold caught her eye and she glanced toward the collar of his shirt. A fluttering feeling formed in her chest when she saw the Andrastian necklace peeking out at her.

He wore it? He wore it the whole time?

She smiled and scooted even closer to him. She was glad to see that his arm draped over her waist at some point in the night. For a moment, she forgot about the cameras that were probably watching her every move now.

His face suddenly scrunched up and a sigh left him as he opened his eyes.

Oh Maker…

The sunlight streaming into their room hit his eyes perfectly at that moment, making them appear more golden than amber. Her breath hitched in her throat when the golden sunlight almost caused him to glow.

Shit, she had it bad.

“Good mornin’” he groggily mumbled, letting his head fall against the pillow again.

Tessa couldn’t stop the soft laugh from escaping her lips. “Good morning.”

All at once, Tessa’s insecurities seemed to smack her in the face. Oh shit, she probably had morning breath and her hair was probably a disaster. She disentangled herself from him as best as she could, but the blankets had another idea. She kept wiggling until she was sure she was close to the edge. The blankets got their revenge. Tessa let out a yelp as she tumbled out of the bed, taking the blankets with her.

Her heart plummeted and her stomach twisted in embarrassment.

“Are you alright?” Cullen asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

Tessa was glad the blankets landed on her, hiding her red face. “My pride isn’t.”

She heard the mattress squeak as Cullen shifted on it and she knew he was looking down at her now. Some snickers escaped from him and Tessa pulled the blankets away from her face a little, peeking up at him. He looked like he was trying not to laugh…really hard.

“Just laugh already!” she exclaimed, trying to stop her own giggles.

His laugh was full and loud. It even sounded rusty, like it hadn’t been used in a while. He fell back onto the bed and away from her view. Tessa quickly sat up so she could drink in the sight in front of her.

Seeing him like this made her want to laugh herself, so she did.

They laughed for what seemed like years, Tessa had to fall back down to the floor she was laughing so hard. Their laughter finally died down and she heard the bed squeak again as he looked over the side again.

The look he gave her was so warm that it made her stomach flip.

“Truly, are you alright?” he asked again, eyes crinkling up with mirth.

“Yes.” Tessa finally pushed herself off the floor and started to make her way to the bathroom.

She managed to get her hair under control and as she did the rest of her routine, her mind wandered to their conversation last night. She had heard about Kirkwall and the things happening there, and how the Circle was almost shut down because of the controversy. Tessa was just surprised that one of the Templars who helped expose the Knight-Commander was now her husband. It had to have taken a significant amount of courage to stand up against Meredith and Tessa found herself respecting Cullen immensely for what he did.

She stepped out into the room again and she stared in surprise at the huge platter of food that was now sitting on the end of their bed. A big, white envelope sat on the edge.

Cullen gestured to it, rubbing at the back of his head. “They brought that in. Want to see what’s in it?”

Right. That envelope was going to tell them where their honeymoon was.

Tessa gingerly picked it up and plopped down on the bed next to him. Their legs were pressed against each other and Tessa was inwardly delighted when he didn’t move away.

She opened the envelope and she blinked in shock. “Well, this is a surprise.”

Cullen leaned over, peeking at the envelope.

“It says we’re going to a small town a little north of Ostwick on the coast. Wait, I know that place! My grandparents took me there all the time.”

Tessa had to hold back a squeal of excitement. She had been planning on taking a vacation there eventually. Now she was getting one for free and with a ring on her finger.

“They did?” Cullen asked, gently plucking the paper from her hands.

“Yes, there’s so much to do there, even though it’s smaller than your typical tourist town. And we are going at the perfect time of the year.”

Cullen nodded and he tipped his head a little as he read before looking at the clock. “Well, our flight leaves at 4. We better get ready.”

Tessa glanced at the clock and she gasped when she saw it was almost noon.

“Shoot!” she quickly grabbed her shower stuff from her bag and rushed into the bathroom.

She thought she heard Cullen’s laugh, but she wasn’t sure.


	4. Honeymoon

Cullen detested planes. They were too tight. Too closed off. Smothering.

And he had the window seat. Every time panic started to rise in his chest, he quickly reminded himself that he was on a plane…not in that damned room at Kinloch.

“Cullen?”

Cullen quickly snapped out of his inner thoughts and glanced over at Tessa, who was holding out a bottle of water to him. “Are you alright?” she asked. Her eyes glanced from the top of his head down to his toes.

Shit, she was a nurse, she could probably tell something was wrong.

“Sorry, I just…don’t like planes,” he mumbled, taking the water from her.

She narrowed her eyes a little, as if she didn’t believe him for a second, before relaxing and reaching out for his hand. She intertwined her fingers with his, giving him an encouraging smile. Cullen took a deep breath and ran his thumb along the back of her hand, trying to keep himself calm.

The plane started to take off and Cullen’s panic started to come back tenfold. A soft squeeze on his fingers caused him to look over at Tessa and the panic subsided a little. She seemed so calm and she grinned over at him before letting her head rest back against the seat.

Guilt rushed through him. He had to tell her. He _had_ to tell her about his trauma, his withdrawal. He _needed_ to tell her. It was unfair of him to not tell her. But, he wanted this to go somewhere. He wanted to see if they could make this strange marriage of theirs work. And that meant not scaring her off right away.

This was the reason why he kept bailing out whenever Alistair tried to get him to meet her.

Who would care about a sobering lyrium addict who still had trouble sleeping because of nightmares? Who would want to put up with that? Who would want all of the baggage and trouble that came with all of his problems? Who would want someone who almost couldn’t get out of bed some days because of his post traumatic stress?

These thoughts were causing him to spiral down into the familiar pit of anxiety he often put himself in and shame overwhelmed him. This was supposed to be fun. This was the beginning of their honeymoon, and he was already off to a bad start by fighting off panic attacks.

He started to panic more when he felt his breaths become deeper and quicker. Shit.

A nudge on his elbow and the crinkle of a wrapper caused him to glance toward Tessa. She was holding a piece of chocolate from the chocolate bar she bought at the airport. “Here, this helps,” she gently insisted.

Cullen tried to keep from shaking as he took it and popped it into his mouth. The chocolate was Antivan and it instantly melted on his tongue. He glanced at Tessa again and found himself relaxing when he saw her enjoying her own piece of chocolate.

Everything was alright. He was on a plane. His wife was next to him. Everything was okay. He kept repeating that to himself as he chewed on the chocolate. Tessa kept handing him pieces until the whole bar was gone.

“Better?” she asked, gesturing toward the bottle of water she gave him earlier.

Cullen took the hint and took a sip, feeling a little better. “Yes.”

Her kind smile made his heart drop a little.

_I have to tell her._

* * *

Tessa loved being back in Dunwidge. The small, seaside town was one of the Free Marches many tourist sites, but the town’s charm usually pulled in vacationing families or traveling old couples. It wasn’t crowded, it was right before the fall festival, and the weather was perfect.

Cullen seemed to relax considerably once they finally left the airport.

Tessa felt so horrible for him the whole flight. He kept holding the armrests in a white knuckled grip and he only relaxed a little after she basically forced him to eat some chocolate. She couldn’t blame him. She had an irrational fear of spiders and deep water after all. Whenever her grandparents would bring her and her brothers to their summer cottage here, she never swam too far out into the sea.

Another thing was bothering her, though. Cullen seemed more withdrawn now. Tessa assumed it was embarrassment at first, because of the flight, but he continued being that way long after they checked into their hotel room. Now, they were exploring the market part of the town as Tessa led them to a restaurant her grandparents took her to in the past. The crisp, fall air swept over them, making Tessa glad she wore her heavy sweater that day.

Cullen finally perked up and started to interact with her again when they found a stand in the market with Ferelden items on it…the one with the sweets on it. Tessa paid for five of the pastries. Cullen began to splutter. “You didn’t have to-“

Tessa basically stuffed one in his mouth. “I wanted to,” she giggled, biting into her own pastry. The sweet cream on the pastry was a sweet contrast to the tart berries that were stuffed inside of it and Tessa found herself enjoying it immensely. She licked some cream off her bottom lip and she swore she heard Cullen’s breath hitch next to her.

She glanced up at him and blushed a little at the heated look he was giving her. He suddenly shook his head and the look was replaced with embarrassment as he rubbed the back of his head.

It amazed her, how he could seem suave or confident one moment and then bashful and embarrassed the next. It was endearing and she wanted to see the bashful side more and more.

There were many moments like that throughout the whole week. That heated look came back again when he saw her in a swimsuit on the beach. It was particularly warm that day and the beach was fun. The heated look came back again each morning when she stretched and couldn’t stop a small sigh from escaping her. Every time the look came up, he would stumble through an apology or just rub the back of his head as he looked away.

Tessa always felt over confident after she received one of his looks, since he was a perfect gentleman any other time.

Again, at least attraction wasn’t going to be a problem between them.

Today, they went to the stables and went for a horseback ride, causing Tessa to miss her grandparent’s home near Ostwick. The Trevelyans made their fortune off of their success in the equestrian business so Tessa had been around horses her whole life.

She led Cullen throughout the moorland near the town and they came to a stop near one of her grandparent’s favorite spots. It was on top of a hill that overlooked the town and the coast could be seen perfectly.

They sat beneath a tree, letting the horses munch on grass nearby as they enjoyed the picnic they packed with them that morning.

Tessa was glad Cullen was letting her lean into his side and his arm was loosely wrapped around her waist.

“Tessa?”

“Hm?”

“I’ve…been meaning to talk to you about something.”

She glanced up at him, not feeling embarrassed about their faces being close to one another’s for once. Worry swirled in his amber eyes and Tessa wondered what exactly he wanted to talk to her about.

“What is it?”

He opened and closed his mouth many times and it seemed like he was at war with himself. He finally sighed and rubbed the back of his head, staring out at the sea again. Many minutes passed before he finally asked, “Do we want to live together?”

Tessa bit her lip. She had a feeling that wasn’t what he originally wanted to talk about, but she let it slide. She had somehow talked her older brother, Oliver, to stay in her apartment in Haven while all of this is happening. “Do you? I’m willing.” She bit her lip, wondering what he truly wanted to do.

“I would…like that, it would help us get closer after all.”

Tessa nodded, letting out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Well, I live in a small studio apartment…”

“Mine is a two bedroom. There’s room for you there,” he quickly said, looking at her again.

She grinned up at him and scooted closer to his side. “That’s settled then.” She remembered her earlier thought, wondering what Cullen truly wanted to talk to her about. “Anything else?”

Cullen’s brow pinched for a moment before he said, “No, nothing at all.”


	5. Soup Date

Haven seemed almost unchanged when they returned and Cullen spent the rest of the vacation time he took from work helping Tessa move into his apartment. 

Tessa truly didn’t have much, since she’s been on her own for so long, just like him.

Aside from the extra pictures and decorations, most of his apartment looked the same. 

The kitchen had way more utensils and dishes now, forcing him to be self-conscious about how he only used two plates and one bowl most of his time there. Tessa had teased him about it when she replaced them with her dish set. 

And now, the other half of his closet was finally being put to use and most of his bathroom was being fully used as well. He didn’t know how someone could own as much lotion as she did, and he took the opportunity to get back at her for the plates by teasing her about it. 

He didn’t know why she needed all of it, he thought she smelled fine without it. 

On the last day of their vacation, they were both sitting on the couch, glaring up at the camera that was now set up in the corner of the living room. The small camera seemed to mock them from its spot on the ceiling. It had two more to match throughout the small apartment. One was whirring in the kitchen and the other was in the hallway leading to the bedrooms. There were even cameras set up in both of their cars.

They had finally finished moving Tessa in and both of them didn’t seem to have the patience to deal with the damn TV show at the moment. 

“Let’s go on a date,” Tessa suddenly said, standing up from her spot on the couch. 

“W-What?”

Tessa turned on her heel and looked down at him with a big grin. “Well, we decided to treat this like a weird sort of dating, so let’s do that. Let’s go on a date.”

Cullen rubbed the back of his head. “Where do you want to go?”

Tessa held out her hand and helped him stand up. “I know just the place. Do you know how to cook?”

Not even 30 minutes later, Cullen found himself standing at one of the many stovetops in a cooking class and Tessa was standing beside him with a glass of wine and was in the process of pouring him one. 

They were supposed to be making some Orlesian dish, but if Cullen was one thing, it was not an Orlesian enthusiast. So, he started to do things he remembered seeing his own mother and grandmother doing when they forced him to help them cook. 

“So you can cook,” Tessa chuckled, gently nudging her hip against his before going back to cutting up the vegetables for the dish. 

“My mother didn’t excuse me from cooking lessons,” he replied, checking on the chicken he had cooking in the skillet. 

“That’s good, because I can’t cook, no matter how hard I try. Marian tried to teach me for years.”

Cullen took the opportunity to lean in close, bringing his lips close to her ear. “Maybe I can give you lessons.”

He couldn’t help but feel smug when he saw her shiver. She bit her lip as she smiled and Cullen’s gut tightened with the action. He turned his focus back to the diced chicken in his skillet. Instead of doing the overdone, pompous dish, Cullen decided to just do a soup. His mother’s soups were legendary after all, and she passed on those skills to all of her children.

Well, except Branson, because he never retained anything. 

At the thought of his siblings, he remembered Tessa mentioning brothers, and he realized just how much he didn’t know about her.

“How many brothers do you have?” he asked. The silence before wasn’t uncomfortable, but he felt he should use this time they had to get to actually know her more.

“Three, and they’re all older,” she replied, rolling her eyes with an amused grin. 

Cullen, being an older brother, took offense to that. “What’s wrong with older brothers?”

Tessa snorted into her glass of wine. “Nothing, unless they pick on younger sisters.”

Cullen winced, remembering all the times he teased Rosalie. 

Tessa arched a playful brow. “Were you one of these brothers? I hope for your siblings’ sake you weren’t as bad as Jon and Oliver.”

Shaking the skillet, Cullen let out his own laugh. “What about the third one?”

Tessa leaned forward and started cutting the potatoes. “Gavin was usually the one protecting me from the other two, not that I needed it.”

Cullen looked at her expectantly. “Oh? And what tricks did you have?”

“None. I flat out punched Oliver in the nose once.”

Cullen almost dropped the spatula. A snort escaped him. “What?”

Tessa grinned at him and dumped the potatoes, carrots, and celery she was chopping up in the pot. “Well, he was pulling on my hair and he dropped my favorite doll in the dirt. Gavin had just taught me how to punch someone so I punched him. My father was almost crying he was laughing so hard. I was stupid enough to do it in front of him.”

Hearing the pure affection in her voice reminded Cullen of his own siblings. “Rosalie was more discreet. She loved itching powder and super glue.”

Tessa almost spat out her wine. “Super glue?!”

“Thank goodness my mother knew about nail polish remover trick. Or we would have been in the ER constantly,” Cullen continued.

“I have to hear more about this. Just what did she super glue?!”

Their conversation continued long after the chicken vegetable stew was done. They actually had to be told to leave because they lost track of time. As they walked out to the parking garage, both with large Tupperware containers full of the stew, Tessa let out a short laugh. “That was a good date, don’t you think?”

Cullen didn’t even try to stop his smile. “Yes, it was.”

* * *

Tessa was used to being stared at. 

At work, it was because she had to wear the Circle of Magi’s symbol on the back of all of her scrubs and lab coats, making it obvious she was a mage. Some days it earned her respect, since medicinal magic was so challenging. Some days it earned her glares. 

Today, she knew she wasn’t being stared at because of the symbol on the back of her scrubs. 

Everyone was staring at her left hand instead and Tessa was almost wishing for the judgmental stares again. 

“Tessa!” 

Tessa looked up from the computer she was charting at, grinning. Wynne was one of the best mage nurses in Thedas and Tessa felt privileged to be able to work under her. Wynne helped her develop her skills over the past two years and help her overcome the challenges that came with being a mage in the medical field.

“Well, let me see the ring,” Wynne ordered, eyes twinkling. 

Blushing, Tessa hesitantly held up her left hand, where the simple, gold ring shone. She wasn’t supposed to be wearing it on her hand, but Tessa wanted to leave it on as long as possible before she had to see her patients. 

Wynne gently took her hand and turned it over, inspecting the ring. “How are you feeling? All anyone could talk about was the show.”

Tessa smiled and bit her lip, taking the ring off and sticking it safely in her pocket. “I honestly think we can make it work somehow. I’m not expecting it to be perfect but I can’t help but have a good feeling about it.”

Wynne nodded, eyes narrowing a bit. Tessa immediately knew she missed something. Wynne had the same expression when she missed a sign or symptom in a patient. “You didn’t notice anything off about him?”

Tessa thought about his reaction to the plane ride both to and from Dunwidge. She also thought about how he seemed extremely pale some mornings and how he tried to hide how his hands shook sometimes. Tessa wasn’t stupid, she could see PTS from a mile away. Working in the trauma center forced her to see it more than anyone. 

And she could see the withdrawal symptoms as well. Her grandfather had enough episodes for her to know exactly what it looked like. She tried with all of her might to not see Cullen as another patient, but she couldn’t help it. He was her husband. She shouldn’t be diagnosing him. It was disrespectful to him and she didn’t want to break the bond of trust that was only just forming between them. 

“I have,” she finally answered carefully, looking away from the older woman. 

“You know he has PTS then?”

“Yes.”

“Doesn’t that concern you?”

Tessa clenched her teeth. She knew Wynne was trying to look out for her, but it wasn’t her business. It was Cullen’s. And Tessa wasn’t going to address it until he decided to tell her. “I’m sorry, were we talking about my husband or a patient?” Tessa asked, narrowing her eyes. She exited out of her patients’ charts and moved to start her medication rounds. 

Wynne followed after her. “I just wanted to warn you. Supporting a person with those disorders is hard enough, but being in a relationship with them is-“

“If it becomes a problem, we’ll deal with it. But he hasn’t told me yet and I want him to come to me when he’s comfortable with telling me. Just outright saying ‘Oh, by the way, I noticed your post-traumatic stress and lyrium withdrawal. Want to talk about it?’ is going to make him shut me out,” Tessa snapped, punching in the code to the medication room. 

Wynne sighed. “I know dear, and I trust your judgement, but I can’t help but worry. PTS and lyrium withdrawal? That’s an ugly combination.”

Tessa waited until she was in the medication room to whip around, bristling. “You think I don’t know that?”

The two nurses stared at each other for many moments before Wynne sighed. “I’m sorry. I just want to make sure you knew what situation you were in. I shouldn’t have doubted. Remember that I’m always willing to help if complications do come up, dear.”

The old woman walked out of the med room, leaving Tessa alone with her thoughts. 

Tessa nibbled on her lower lip before getting the medications for her first patient. 

Wynne’s words never left her mind, though, and it caused more questions to swirl in Tessa’s mind. 

Why did Cullen stop taking lyrium?

And what caused him to have the haunted look she occasionally saw in his eyes?

She assumed it had something to do with Kirkwall, but she had a feeling it was something more. 

The young mage just hoped her husband would trust her enough to tell her eventually. 

Maker knows that if she mentioned it, it wouldn’t go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tessa was me only with my older cousins. I flat out punched one of them in the face when he threw my Barbie doll into a silo at my Uncle's farm. He pulled my hair earlier that day so he was already on my shit list. 
> 
> And the super glue stuff came from one of my friend's and her brothers. She would ALWAYS find the super glue no matter where her parents hid it and she would stick random things to her brothers. 
> 
> Siblings, dontcha love em?


	6. Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm going off of what my friend and family members have told me about withdrawal and what I have seen.

“You haven’t told her?!”

“How am I supposed to tell her, Alistair? Please, tell me how I’m supposed to tell her about it and not scare her off.”

The two detectives held each other’s angry stares until Alistair let out a long sigh. “Do you really think Tessa is the type? Eryn’s told me she’s been through tough stuff too and she-“

“Who would _**want**_ to be with someone like me, Alistair? It took a damn TV show to-“

“Stop that. Right now.”

Cullen’s office suddenly felt too crowded and smothering, even though it was only him and Alistair. The conversation actually started out pleasantly. Cullen got to talk about how relieved he was about Tessa being on the same page as him about the whole situation. Their honeymoon was fantastic. Tessa moving in went smoothly. And their date was fun. 

Then Alistair asked what Tessa thought about his lyrium problem. 

Alistair put his hands on his hips and Cullen could see him biting his cheek. 

“Alright, Oh Married One, what should I do?”

“Tell her!”

Cullen growled and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, leaning back in his chair. “You do realize that I’m probably the _last_ person they should have had on that show. I can’t make her go through-“

“What do you think Tessa would say if she heard you talking like this? Besides, she’s a grown up. I bet she puts on her own knickers and everything.”

Cullen was well aware how grown up and capable Tessa was. The problem was the fact she was a nurse. Someone trained to help _fix_ people like him. 

“I don’t want her to think she needs to fix me. I don’t want to be another patient or something to her.” He spat out the word ‘patient’ and it left a sick feeling in his mouth. He dropped his hands, refusing to look at his friend.

Alistair sighed. “Look, I still think you need to tell her. It’s going to come up eventually. She’s not stupid.”

“I know that!”

Shit. Today was going to be bad. Cullen felt jumpy all morning and now it was hitting him tenfold. 

Alistair gave him an unreadable stare for what seemed like hours before he sighed and turned towards the door. “Just…think about it, alright?”

Cullen nodded, staring down at the paperwork on his desk. 

The door to his office opened and closed and that was when Cullen allowed his forehead to drop against his desk. He didn’t have a withdrawal episode around Tessa yet, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to hide it forever. 

Cullen didn’t want her to pity him or be disgusted with him. He didn’t want her to think less of him. He wanted to make this strange marriage of theirs work, but how could he do that when he could barely keep his life together? 

This was all a huge mistake. He should have never agreed to this. He wasn’t healthy. He hasn’t been healthy and he didn’t think he would ever be healthy and now he was going to make his problems someone else’s when he didn’t have to. 

But, he had to stay in this for as long as the show said he did. He would get through it, tell Tessa he was sorry and explain why he couldn’t be in a relationship, and then continue on with his life like he did. 

That way, Tessa could move on and not have to worry about him anymore and she would be happy. She could probably marry someone who _didn’t_ have the problems he had. Someone who deserved her more than he did. 

Yeah, that plan would have to work. 

His phone suddenly buzzed, pulling him out of his pit of misery and he scooped it up. Only to be surprised that his wife had sent him a message. 

“Hope you have a good day,” he read aloud, allowing himself a small smile at the happy emoji she used at the end. 

His heart dropped at the sight. 

Alistair was right, he _had_ to tell her. 

He sent a message back, wishing her the same.

* * *

The next month was uneventful for the most part.

Tessa felt she and Cullen were getting closer. They went on more dates and spent as much time as they could together when they were both home. Both of their schedules were busy as is, with him being a detective and her with her new schedule. 

She was proud to say she had not been on-call once, following through with the advice Eryn and Marian gave her. 

Despite all of this, Cullen still seemed withdrawn. Tessa knew it was because of what she and Wynne talked about. With every day he didn’t tell her, she was more willing to bring it up just so it was out in the open. 

The elephant in the room was finally addressed one night when she woke up because of his thrashing. 

Tessa felt something nudge her side and then her leg got kicked. 

Staying as still as she could, Tessa waited until he jerked awake and rolled out of bed. Her heart sunk at the sound of his distressed breathing. 

He left the room and Tessa could hear the sound of the water running in the kitchen. 

She glanced at the clock and winced at the time. It was 2 ‘o clock in the morning. She started work at 6. Before her sleep addled mind could stop her, she was rolling out of bed herself and padding out into the kitchen. 

Cullen was standing over the sink, leaning heavily on the counter and his hair still had drops of water dripping from it. 

Tessa crossed her arms. Well, if there was any time to address the issue, now was it. 

“Are you going to tell me about it now?”

His head whipped up at the sound of her voice and he stumbled back into the fridge, mouth opening and closing rapidly as he stared at her. 

He finally let out a long breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “Tell you about what?”

“The withdrawal? The nightmares? Anything really,” Tessa said softly, slowly making her way toward him. 

There were many ways this conversation could go, and while she knew it most likely wouldn’t end pleasantly, it still needed to happen. 

His brows furrowed and his mouth pinched slightly.

Tessa leaned her hip against the counter island, waiting patiently. Well, she had to get up in a few hours anyway. 

Cullen finally huffed out a laugh with no humor. “I knew you would notice. You’re a nurse, why wouldn’t you notice?”

He was almost talking to himself and Tessa couldn’t help but worry. Maker, maybe it was worse than she thought it was. 

“Talk to me, Cullen.”

He stared at her for many moments and Tessa suddenly realized how pale he looked. The deep bruises under his eyes and the light sheen of sweat on his skin made her worry a little. 

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m a patient you can fix!”

Tessa’s mouth dropped open in shock before letting out a huff. “I’m not looking at you like that.”

“Yes you are! And I knew you would if you found out!”

“Really, Cullen? Do we look like we’re in the hospital because that’s the only place I see my patients.”

They stared at each other angrily and Tessa tried to get a hold of her emotions. Calm. She had to remain calm. That was what he needed. The more she fought back the more he would shut her out.

He rubbed the back of his neck, something she noticed he did when he was stressed or embarrassed, and he started to pace through the kitchen. 

The back of Tessa’s neck prickled when she remembered there was cameras staring at them in their living room and kitchen, probably catching every little piece of this. 

“Do you want to go up to the roof or out on the balcony and talk about this?”

“I don’t want to talk about this at all!”

Tessa waved toward the camera and gave him an expectant look. 

Cullen shook his head, lip curling. “No. Let them see! We can finally be the entertaining couple!” He barked out a laugh with no humor, glaring up at the camera set up in their kitchen. 

Tessa knew she would have to act quick if they wanted to get anything out of this. “Cullen, please, talk to me.”

“I don’t need medical help, Nurse Trevelyan.”

Tessa pinched her lips in a thin line. “It’s Tessa _Rutherford_ , RN. And I’m not talking to you as your nurse, I’m talking to you as your _**wife**_. Please, talk to me!”

He actually flinched and he turned away from her, resting his hands on the counter behind him. “Well, you spelled it out. Withdrawal. Nightmares. What else have you diagnosed?”

“Cullen-“

“Yes. I have withdrawal because I stopped taking lyrium. Yes, I have nightmares because I’ve seen things with the Templars and not having the lyrium makes it worse. And yes, sometimes it’s so bad that even seeing the color blue gives me a headache because I _want_ it so bad. What more do you want to know?” 

He snarled the last part, whipping around to give her a hard stare. 

“But of course you want to know, because then you can show everyone on TV that you can cure anybody, even the crazy ex-Templar. Happily ever after!”

Tessa stared at him in shock. She _knew_ it was the withdrawal talking, but anger started to boil in her gut regardless. “Wow, looks like you figured me out. Because that’s why I signed up for this crazy experiment. To show everyone how _**fucking**_ clever a mage could be compared to a Templar. Bravo.”

Cullen growled in anger and stepped toward her, using his height to tower over her. 

Too bad Tessa grew up with three brothers who always tried to do the same thing; that shit didn’t work on her. 

“You don’t know anything about what I’ve been through!” 

“That’s right. I don’t because you won’t tell me. What are you so afraid of?!” 

Cullen grit his teeth so hard she heard them click together. They stared at each other angrily before she finally let out a sigh. “Cullen, I don’t want to diagnose you. I don’t even care about what your problems are. I’m just so pissed that you don’t think you can be HONEST with me.” 

She turned on her heel and started to march toward the guest room. “Now, I think it’ll be better if I stayed in the guest room tonight, hm?” 

She didn’t even wait for a reply before slamming the door behind her. 


	7. Advice

The whole week was torture. 

Cullen suddenly realized how much better he slept when Tessa was beside him when she wasn’t there. 

He desperately wanted to apologize for that horrible night, but he didn’t know what to do. 

All of their encounters have been short and ended with one or both of them marching away. His guilt grew with every slammed door and angry word. 

He knew he said some unfair things and he knew the only way he could fix it was telling her everything. 

That was what he was afraid of. 

What would she think? Would she decide this whole marriage experiment was a mistake? Would he end up like he thought he would at the end of all of this? Alone again? He had the feeling if he and Tessa couldn’t work, that would be how he would stay. 

Alone.

“Chocolates. And flowers.”

Cullen looked up to see both Alistair and their captain, Cassandra, standing in his doorway. 

“And possibly a poem,” Cassandra added on, crossing her arms.

“What?” Cullen spluttered. How could they possibly know?!

Alistair gave him a sheepish look. “You’re on TV, remember? We saw the whole thing.”

Andraste’s tits. 

“Fuck me,” he grumbled, burying his face in his hands. Great. Now EVERYONE and their mother knew about his withdrawal. 

“They didn’t show much. Just that you argued. They left out most of the audio,” Cassandra added on, stepping into his office. 

Only very few people knew about Cullen and his lyrium withdrawal, and two of the four people were standing in front of him. He was actually surprised the TV show’s producers listened to him about not showing that part of his life on television. 

“And I think we know what you argued about, too. So, I would listen to us about the flowers and such,” Alistair continued. 

Cullen scowled at them. “Oh? And what did we argue about?”

“You looked like shit. She knows now, doesn’t she? Or she tried to make you tell her?” Cassandra said bluntly. 

“She didn’t need me to tell her about the withdrawal! She could tell. Nurse, remember?”

Alistair scratched the back of his neck. “Is that such a bad thing? Maybe she can-“

“I don’t want to be a patient to her!” Cullen snapped. 

“I was about to say she could give you a different way to think about all of this and help you. Not cure you,” Alistair quipped, smirking as he crossed his arms. “I know how you feel, but you can’t do this by yourself. I don’t know where I would be now if Eryn wasn’t there to help me after Duncan died.”

Cullen inwardly flinched. Alistair almost went into a state of depression after his old partner’s death. 

“What he’s trying to say is that you can’t keep going on like this. And we don’t want to see you screw this up. So get her some flowers and apologize,” Cassandra cut in, arching a brow. 

Cullen wiped a hand down his face. “It’s not that simple.”

“Am I not a woman?” Cassandra argued, putting her hands on her hips.

“And Eryn said the same thing. She told me Tessa likes orchids.”

The ex-Templar didn’t know what to think. “So, you both are telling me that if I just give her flowers and apologize, she’ll be willing to talk to me again? I said some horrible things to her.”

Guilt smacked him in the stomach, causing it to twist and roll. 

“Do you want to know what Eryn and I’s first big fight was about?” Alistair suddenly asked, plopping down in the seat across from Cullen’s desk. 

A heavy sigh escaped him. “What?”

“Socks.”

“What?!”

Cullen was slightly amused Cassandra asked the same thing at the same time. 

“Yeah. Socks. You know that I keep almost every piece of clothing I own right? It’s one of the things the Chantry managed to beat into my head for good and Eryn hates how I keep my old socks because they apparently smell. Right after we got married, she tried to throw them out and I got upset and one thing led to another. Roses and chocolates and a long talk afterwards-which mostly involved me saying I was stupid-helped us get back on track.”

They all sat in an intense silence for many moments. Cassandra was staring at Alistair in slight disgust and Cullen didn’t know what to say. 

“I don’t think flowers can fix what I said to her, Alistair.”

“Flowers don’t fix it, the thought and the apology does,” Alistair replied, “you said some horrible things? She probably did too if she got mad. The flowers are the icebreaker for the real conversation that needs to happen.” 

He stood up and pulled Cassandra after him. “Remember, she likes orchids.”

And they left Cullen on his own.

* * *

“Can you at least tell me what he said? You both looked pissed in this week’s episode.”

The worst thing happened. 

Tessa and Cullen’s big fight ended up on the latest episode of _Married at First Sight_ and that had everyone calling her to ask what was wrong.

Marian sent her a text asking if she could kick Cullen’s arse for her. Varric sent a message along the same lines. Dorian, who was her close friend from the book club she was a part of, was threatening a mage mutiny against ‘the rogue templar’. It was silly because he was on the show too and he and Iron Bull fought in every episode apparently. Even Sera, the girl behind the counter at the hospital cafe, was wanting to teach Cullen a lesson. Her mother kept trying to call and was constantly sending messages asking if she was okay and all of her brothers were threatening to come to Haven and ‘teach him a lesson’. 

Her father even called, and Cedric was usually the one who trusted her to fix her own problems. 

It had been a week, but it still hurt to think about it and now everyone was trying to talk to her about it. 

She finally opened up to Eryn, who was supposed to have lunch with her that day anyway. They sat in the corner of the hospital cafeteria, trying to mind their own business. 

“I’m just going to keep asking until you tell me,” Eryn finally said, taking a sip of her iced tea. 

Tessa sighed. “I...noticed some things about Cullen and I confronted him about it. I was waiting for him to tell me but I had a feeling he never would if I didn’t say something.”

“The lyrium.”

Tessa nodded. “Who all knows?”

“It’s supposed to be Alistair, Cassandra, and his older sister. But, I’m Alistair’s wife and whatever Alistair knows, I know and vice versa. Besides, Alistair trained to be a Templar, he told me what lyrium withdrawal looks like. It’s not good.”

Tessa rubbed her forehead, letting out a deep sigh. “I know. My grandfather has episodes and he did ever since he had to resign from the Templars. The chantry doesn’t send as much lyrium to their retired soldiers.”

Eryn nodded and took a bite out of her sandwich. “So what happened exactly?”

“He woke me up because he had a nightmare and I followed him out into the kitchen.” Tessa’s throat closed up and angry tears formed in her eyes when she thought about what he accused her of. “He then claimed I was just trying to show how smart I was by asking him if I could help. And I know why he’s being like that. No one with PTS or withdrawal want to be seen as a ‘patient’. It makes them think something is wrong with them.”

Eryn narrowed her eyes and she steepled her fingers in front of her. “That’s not like him. It must have been hitting him hard that night.”

“It was. I was worried about whether to physically help him or not for a moment and that was when he went off about me treating him like a patient.”

Eryn nodded again before slowly picking up her fork. “Well,” she stabbed her salad, “do you think he believes what he said?”

Tessa almost growled in frustration. “That’s not even what I’m most angry about! Yes, what he said hurt and it pissed me off. That’s not the reason I can barely talk to him.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m angry that he doesn’t want to be honest with me and how he thinks I’m shallow enough to not want to help him and leave him. I know that’s what he thinks. It’s infuriating how he thinks so low of himself.”

“Shit,” Eryn grumbled, scooping her forkful of salad in her mouth. 

“Tell me about it.”

The two women sat in silence for many moments before Eryn spoke up again. “I would try to talk to him again soon. Never let something fester longer than a week. Alistair and I let one of our fights fester for that long and it was horrible.”

“What do I say to him?! How am I even supposed to bring it up?” Tessa whined, scooping some yogurt into her mouth.

“Just do it. Cullen is a man of action. He won’t take beating around the bush, and I know you hate that too,” Eryn paused and shrugged, “Besides, I bet he’s planning some big apology soon. Talk it out then. Tell him how you feel.”

Tessa scrunched her nose. “I’m just wondering if he thinks that way about me because of something I said or did.”

“Tessy, you’re one of the kindest, most empathetic people I have ever met. That’s why you’re such a damn good nurse. I highly doubt you did something.”

“But-”

“Just have faith, hun. Talk to him again now that you both have had time to simmer down. Trust me.”

Tessa took a deep breath before finally coming to a decision.

She would definitely try after work.


	8. Reconcile

Flower shopping shouldn’t have been hard. 

Cullen kept thinking this as he stared at the multitude of flowers around him. He knew he had time, Tessa had curtly mentioned that she was going to stay late at work today because of a staff meeting and to not wait up for her. 

Shit. 

“Do not get roses. Everyone apologizes with roses.”

Cullen jumped and looked to see a young, blond boy standing on the other side of the table of flowers. “What?”

“Tulips or lilies are better.”

Cullen glanced at the kid’s nametag and swallowed the nervous lump in his throat. “Do you have orchids?” he whispered, trying not to draw attention to himself. He caught the cameramen following him down the street earlier. He really regretted signing the contract that let them follow him anywhere now. 

“Yes, orchids are good. The purple one means respect and white is humility. That makes a good apology.”

Cullen cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his head. “How do you know that I need to apologize?”

“Men usually come here for that…or to celebrate something. You don’t look happy so I know you’re apologizing.”

Cullen had to give the kid his props. “Can I have those two colors, Cole?”

“Yes, let me help.”

Soon, Cullen was walking out of the flower store with a bouquet and a box of Antivan chocolate. He then stopped by the grocery store and picked up something to make for dinner before heading home. It felt as if a huge boulder settled in his stomach as he started to cook. 

Would she even accept his apology? Would she even want to talk to him? 

His phone suddenly rang and he quickly swiped it up, bringing it to his ear. “Hello?”

“Would you care to tell me what the shit you were thinking? I just watched the latest episode!” Mia snapped. 

Oh great, now he earned a lecture from Mia. 

“Nice to know.”

“Well?!”

“We had a fight.”

“That was obvious. Are you trying to fix it?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“You know I’m going to keep calling you until I know you are, right?”

Cullen grit his teeth and poured the pasta into the water he was heating up on the stove. “I know.”

The sad thing was he could picture his sister’s disapproving look without trying. 

“Well?!” 

“I’m cooking dinner, Mia! And I bought flowers. Now leave me alone.”

He hung up and regretted his curt tone, but he believed what he said. This was between him and Tessa. Not between him, Tessa, and Mia.

Cullen started to make his mother’s homemade Alfredo sauce and was finished by the time the pasta was done. Soon, he had everything set up. The plate of pasta was sitting on the table next to the orchids and chocolate and he sat down across from it. The oven beeped, signaling that the garlic bread was done. Everything was finally ready when he set a couple pieces on the plate. 

Now, all he had to do was wait. 

It was 7 o’ clock right now, which meant Tessa could be home any moment now if her staff meeting didn’t take too long. He couldn’t have been more wrong. Soon, 7 became 8 ‘o clock and then rolled into 9. Cullen ended up just sticking the pasta and bread in the microwave, but he refused to leave the table. He was determined to fix this and he would wait there all night if he had to. 

The lock to the apartment finally clicked around 10 o’ clock and Cullen quickly stood as Tessa opened the door. She halted in the doorway, just staring at him. 

Her hair looked disheveled and Cullen wondered if the stain on the front of her blue scrubs was blood. All in all, she looked like she had a horrible day if the bags under her eyes said anything. 

Her eyes drifted toward the bouquet on the table and they widened. 

Cullen hated the silence so he broke it. “Hello.”

A tired grin was his only answer. 

“Have you eaten?”

She shook her head and Cullen quickly got to the microwave to start heating up the plate of food. 

“Did you make something?”

Cullen nodded because he knew his voice would come out in a croak if he tried to speak. Maker’s breath, he couldn’t remember a time he was so nervous around a woman. 

Wait, he could, but that was when he was a new initiate and had the prettiest mage girl at Kinloch flirting with him. 

He finally cleared his throat and gestured to the table. “You can sit down if you want.”

“Okay.”

The creak of the chair barely sounded over the microwave and a tense silence overcame them. 

_You can do this, Cullen. If you can expose Meredith, you can talk to Tessa._

Shit, he couldn’t believe he just compared the two women. Tessa was nothing like Meredith. 

The microwave finally beeped and Cullen quickly took it out and stirred the pasta a little before setting the plate in front of her. He sat next to her and twiddled his thumbs in front of him. 

“Have you eaten?” she asked before picking up the fork. 

“No, I’m not hungry.”

Tessa narrowed her eyes. “Are you sure?”

Cullen gulped and nodded. “Yes.”

As she ate, she occasionally reached up and touched the petals of the flowers in front of her. 

Cullen took that as a good sign, ignoring the twisting in his stomach. He took a deep breath and finally mustered up enough courage to speak. “Tessa, I am so sorry for what I said. I have no excuse and-“

“Stop.”

Shit. 

“Tess-“

“I’m not mad about the things you said, Cullen. I’m just-“ she paused and finished her mouthful food before continuing, “I just…why weren’t you honest with me? Did you think I would want to leave or something?”

Tears started to fill in her eyes and Cullen’s heart clenched at the sight. Shit, he really screwed up. He was wrong about the whole situation. 

“I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression that-“ The last word came out as squeak and she covered her mouth as she turned away from him. Her whole body started to shake as she tried to keep her sobs in. 

Shit, shit shit shit shit. She thought SHE did something wrong. Shit.

“No, no no no, Tess, it’s all my fault I-“

“No! I should have stayed calm but I got angry and-“

“Tess, please let me explain.” He reached out and touched her shoulder without thinking and he inwardly rejoiced when she didn’t pull away. 

Slowly, she turned back toward him, wiping at her eyes. “Okay.”

Needing something to hold onto, he gently took her hands in his, letting his thumbs trace along her knuckles. Maker, where did he begin? 

Well, answering her questions would work, right? 

“Yes, I was scared you would want to leave. And _nothing_ you have done has given me that impression.”

She nodded and stayed silent, waiting patiently. His heart sunk when he saw her lip quiver.

“My…problems are the reason why I never went along with Alistair and Eryn’s plans. I didn’t think anyone would want to deal with me.”

More tears filled her eyes and Cullen had to fight back a lump in his own throat. 

“Cullen…”

He tightened his grip on her fingers before continuing. He hadn’t told _anyone_ about Kinloch or Kirkwall since his therapist. The police department had required him to see one after he was hired. It took him a year before he was ‘clear’. 

“When I first started my duties, I was stationed at the Circle in Ferelden, at Kinloch. There was a mage uprising there a year later,” he paused and let out a shaky laugh, “that was why I became suspicious at Kirkwall. I knew what a mage uprising looked like. The mages in Kirkwall were defending themselves, not rebelling.”

He quickly wiped at his face before picking up Tessa’s hand again. “The uprising in Kinloch happened on a normal day. There were whispers of the older students and teachers looking into blood magic, but we thought we closed the case on it. We were never more wrong.”

Cullen took a deep breath. Maker, he knew this conversation would take a toll on him, but he forgot how heavy the toll was. He could feel his chest starting to constrict and he didn’t even get to the part about his trauma yet. 

He focused on the soft touch of Tessa’s hands in his own and it gave him the courage to carry on. 

“It started in the Harrowing chamber. Soon, mages and Templars alike were being dragged into it by abominations and demons.”

He forced himself to look Tessa in the face as he said the next part. 

Understanding suddenly dawned on her features. “Oh Cullen, no.”

“A group of Templars and I managed to get to the hallway before the Harrowing Chamber and…we were tricked by one of our own. He was in the thrall of a Desire Demon. It stuck us all in a cage not even we could break.”

Cullen knew she would know the general story about what happened next. The news kept his name out of it when they broadcasted about it. 

“You were the one who survived,” she whispered. Her grip on his fingers tightened. 

Cullen barely managed to nod before hot tears started to trail down his cheeks. He let his head drop, staring down at the floor. “I was the last one. The others were dragged into the Harrowing chamber. The Desire Demon tortured me the whole week I was in the cage.”

Tessa pulled her hands out of his and Cullen almost jumped when she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him close. He rested his forehead on her shoulder, surprised she was holding him like this after all he said to her. 

“You know the rest of that story,” he mumbled. It was all over the news. The other Templars and mages at Kinloch never looked at him the same after that. Even with the therapy he had then, he remembered not feeling better at all. 

“Then I went to Kirkwall. I worked hard, but I was angry. I was angry at mages for so long. I was one of the Templars who believed they should never leave the Circle. Even after they come of age. It took becoming Knight-Captain to see how wrong I was.”

He pulled away from her a little, holding her hands in his again. He couldn’t look her in the eye for this part. He hated everything she was at some point in his life and he _had_ to let her know about it. It disgusted him now to know he stooped that low.

“I didn’t believe in the rumors surrounding Kirkwall until I had the authority to investigate them. I was horrified with what I found. I was never able to prove anything until I found a mage girl willing to testify against the Templars that attacked her. Meredith tried to stop me. You know the rest.”

Her fingers gently squeezed his and he could feel her thumbs running along his knuckles now. 

“When I left the Templars, I didn’t want to have any connections with them. That was why I stopped taking lyrium. Cassandra, my captain, used to be a Seeker so she agreed to help me with that…and I didn’t know the lyruim kept the nightmares at bay until I stopped taking it.”

Cullen finally forced himself to look her in the face. Tears were trailing down her cheeks and she was biting her lip as she stared at him. 

“I completely understand if you want to end this at the end of the experiment. I won’t stop you,” he whispered. “I don’t want to bother you with my troubles and being with me is-“

“Don’t say that.”

Cullen’s eyes widened. Her lip was quivering still and tears were still pooling in her eyes, but the phrase was said with conviction. 

Her violet eyes flashed as she straightened in her seat. “I don’t know if you noticed, Cullen, but I had a crush on you the moment I saw you. Then I got to know you more, and I think we can make this work. You have to believe in yourself. It takes two to tango and this is the hardest tango out there.”

She tightened her grip on his hands. “You are a good man. I know you are. I know we don’t really know each other still, but we are married. And married couples work through this stuff _together_. We can’t make this work if you don’t let me help you.”

More tears formed in Cullen’s eyes and he choked down the lump in his throat before nodding. 

“Will you let me help you now? And do you think we can make this work? I don’t want to force you into anything you don’t want.”

Cullen choked out a laugh. “Maker’s breath Tess, I want this to work more than anyone. I’m tired of being alone.” He gave her a wry smirk. “And you’re not the only one who developed a crush.”

A soft laugh escaped her lips and before they both knew it, they were laughing at nothing at all. Cullen felt giddy and lightheaded from all of the swirling emotions inside of him and that gave him the courage to pull her to him and she settled down on his lap. She wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder. 

Which brought him face to face with that stain on her scrubs. 

“Tess?”

“Hm?”

“What do you have on your shirt?”

“That’s iodine. I had to cath three people after the meeting. There was a huge accident on the highway and we got them all after they got out of surgery and we were short on staff.”

“Cath?”

“Catheters, Cullen,” she chuckled, pecking his cheek. 

Cullen suddenly felt sick for a different reason. 

“I love the flowers, by the way, thank you.”

Cullen remembered why he bought the flowers in the first place. “You know I didn’t mean a word I said, right? I felt horrible afterwards.”

Tessa gently started to run her fingers through his hair and Cullen had to stop an involuntary groan from escaping him. He couldn’t remember the last time someone did that for him. 

“I know, I said horrible things too.”

They sat out there for 30 minutes, just enjoying each other’s presence. Cullen realized how much he just missed being near her this past week. He missed the little touches they allowed each other at the moment. 

He realized how ridiculous they must look, both being piled onto one chair, her barely fitting in between the table and him. 

Not that he cared.

* * *

Tessa decided that while the process of making up was horrible, the after effects were good. 

Even after their talk, Tessa and Cullen kept talking long into the night. They didn’t speak about Cullen’s trauma or withdrawal, but they managed to get somewhere. Tessa found out she was right about Cullen not wanting to be seen as a patient. It made him feel like he had less control of the situation and even more vulnerable, so Tessa promised him she would try not to make him feel that way. 

After they went to bed they talked about the most random things. Childhood memories came up. Favorite books, colors, and food. What part of the Chant of Light was their favorite. Hobbies they used to have before work became a priority. Tessa learned more about him last night than she did the whole month they have been living together so far. 

And sweet Maker she missed having him be her own personal space heater next to her at night. 

That morning, she woke up snuggled against his chest and she couldn’t have been happier to be there. His face was even buried in her hair and their legs were tangled up. Tessa bit her lip as her gaze went from his neck and toward where his shirt collar was bunched up. A wave of tingling heat started to build from her tummy and she reached up and touched where the scruff ended on his neck. 

He shifted in his sleep and Tessa had to hold back a giggle. His hair was a mess, but she loved how much it actually curled. A golden lock fell over his forehead as he shifted down to be face to face with her. She should have known he would have woken up from the touch. He was a light sleeper after all. 

“Good morning,” he sleepily mumbled, grinning at her.

“Good morning,” she whispered back, pressing a peck to his nose. 

Cullen leaned forward a pressed a peck to her lips, and he didn’t pull far away afterwards either. They stared at each other for a moment and Tessa suddenly didn’t care about how she probably had morning breath or how her hair was a mess and her makeup was probably smudged because she never washed it off last night.

All she could think or care about was kissing him.

Digging her fingers into his shirt, she pulled him close and pressed a deep kiss to his lips, daring to explore a little more with her lips. She took his bottom lip between her own and nipped at it and she almost squeaked when a low groan escaped him when she did. She almost squeaked again when he turned them so she was under him and he gave her bottom lip the same treatment. 

Tessa wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her fingers in his hair. Sweet Maker, she still couldn’t get over how soft it was. 

Cullen’s thigh slipped between her own and Tessa gasped when it almost brushed the apex of her thighs. She pulled him closer and started to place nipping kisses along his jaw. 

Now, she’s made out with people before. There was a boy named Andrew at Ostwick, but most of that was awkward fumbling and more spit than was needed. The second was a boy at a party at college on the dance floor and she had to say that it was very enjoyable. Then there was a girl she met at nursing school. 

But none of them were Cullen. 

Tessa already thought his small kisses were amazing, and she wasn’t prepared for the deep kisses she was receiving now. He never stayed in one place for too long and he expertly sucked and nibbled at her lips. She ran her hands up into his hair, holding him close to her as she kissed back. 

His weight on her wasn’t overpowering and one of his hands was trailing down her side while the other cupped her cheek. His hand finally settled on her waist and held her closer. The strength in his grip only fueled the tingling waves of heat that were coursing through her already. 

The shrill sound of her hospital phone ringing caused them both to jump and almost knock their heads together. 

Cullen flopped down beside her and they shared an embarrassed look before she rolled out of bed. 

Tessa hated explaining how she had to have two phones. One was her normal cell phone. The other was a dinosaur the hospital gave specifically to her so they could contact her quickly. She dug through her pile of dirty scrubs from last night. She became self-conscious as she dug through the pockets. She realized she was pointing her arse toward her husband, and her heart was still racing. 

She finally found her phone and stood straight, pushing her hair out of her face. “Hello, this is Tessa.”

“Hello Tessa, I hate to bother you on your day off, but could you possibly come in today? Someone called in sick,” Wynne asked.

Tessa quickly stepped out of the room and padded down the hallway, sighing. No, she couldn’t go in. She just fixed things with Cullen. She needed to be there so they could make up for the last week. She meant every word she said last night and she knew that leaving now would knock them back two more steps. 

“I’m sorry, Wynne. Last night really took it out of me and-“

“You two are getting along again, aren’t you?”

Wynne sounded amused more than anything, and Tessa could hear the kind undertone behind her chuckles. 

“Yes,” she admitted, leaning against the counter. 

“I’ll leave you be, dear. You were just first on my list.”

“Thank you, Wynne.”

“Have a good day.”

“You too.”

Tessa hung up and tossed her phone on the counter, pinching the bridge of her nose. Great, in about a week or two, everyone was going to know she and Cullen were getting along again. She couldn’t _wait_ for this TV business to be over. 

“What did the hospital want?”

Tessa looked over her shoulder and turned around, leaning back against the counter. “Someone called in sick. Wynne was wondering if I could come in. I told her I couldn’t.”

Cullen’s brow pinched slightly before he stepped closer to her. Tessa noticed he had put on sweats over his boxers, and she was still in her sleeping shorts and a large t shirt. Crap, she didn’t have a bra on either. 

“You didn’t want to go in?”

Tessa played with the neckline of her shirt. “Well, I wanted to spend the day with you,” she admitted, shrugging before grinning up at him. 

His concerned look slowly turned into a soft smile and Tessa felt her stomach flop at the sight. Maker, he really should smile more. 

He was slowly inching closer to her and Tessa held back a laugh. This morning when they woke was just...natural. It felt right. Now they were skittish around each other again. 

They both fidgeted a little before Tessa finally let out a soft huff of laughter. “Well…that was a nice way to start the day,” she squeaked. Maker’s breath, WHY did she say that?

He smirked at her and stepped so he was close to her and the small of her back was firmly against the counter. “I agree,” he said softly. 

Tessa had to crane her neck to look up at him and her breath caught in her throat as their eyes met. His hand settled on her waist and he rubbed small circles into her shirt with his thumb. It was strange, yesterday, they could hardly talk to each other. Now look at them. Eryn had told her this was what making up usually ended up like. 

Every nerve in Tessa’s body seemed to be highly alert to where he was touching her. She could feel his body heat he was close enough. 

She heard a whirring sound and all of her attention went to the camera in the corner of the room. 

Cullen cursed as he glared at it. “As much as I want to, I don’t want half of Thedas seeing…”

“Me neither.”

Their eyes met again and they started to laugh at the absurdity of it all. 

“Just warning you, my family kind of overreacted from the show,” Tessa mumbled, playing with the hem of her shirt. 

Cullen hummed and rubbed the back of his neck. “My sister was sending me death threats last night.”

“Was it Mia?” Tessa asked, tilting her head with a grin. Mia sounded just like her brothers. Overprotective and bossy. 

“How’d you guess?” Cullen muttered with a grin. He moved over to the fridge and pulled out some milk and eggs.

“I think she fits the bill of an overprotective, older sibling.”

A snort was her only reply as he pulled out a skillet and started to crack the eggs into it. 

Tessa plopped down in one of the barstools at the counter island, admiring the sight in front of her. Maker’s breath, it was just _unfair_. His t-shirt didn’t hide the broad expanse of his back and his sweats were hanging low on his hips. She drank in the sight of him cooking and she couldn’t help but grin. 

She knew this wasn’t going to be perfect from the start, this past week was enough proof of that, but she had more faith in her marriage now. If they could find a way to work through this together and gain trust in each other, they could work. Tessa had a feeling in her gut about it and she was more determined to see this through. She wanted to help him. And not in the nurse/patient sort of way. _She_ wanted to be the person he came to. _She_ wanted to be the one he trusted with his troubles. _She_ wanted to be the one he relied on. 

It scared her, when she first realized this when he told her about his trauma, but she was starting to embrace the idea as she watched him do something as mundane as making scrambled eggs. She knew he thought he was broken and beyond repair, but she wanted to show him how that wasn’t true. 

It was going to be tough, but she had a feeling it was possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just like the idea of Cole working in a flower shop. I think that's where people need a lot of help. 
> 
> And I am currently going to nursing school and I will tell you that getting iodine on your scrubs is the worst damn thing on the planet. The stuff smells and your scrubs are ruined forever....not that putting catheters in people is any better.


	9. Love Spell

“You know what bothered me about the wedding reception on the show?”

Cullen peeked over at Tessa before turning his eyes back to the road. “What?”

“We never got to talk to each other’s families! It was like; ‘Okay you’re married! Dance for 10 minutes and leave so the next couple can come in!’”

The ex-Templar winced when he realized that what she said was really what happened. “I don’t know, I only had my brother and sisters there. I don’t think I would have made a good impression on your parents that day.”

“Why not?” Tessa teased, leaning over into his space in the car. 

“Because I was a nervous wreck inside.”

Cullen’s heart swelled when she pressed a kiss to his cheek before settling in her seat again. 

It was his niece’s birthday today, so that meant Tessa was going to officially meet his family. He didn’t know who was more excited about his strange marriage, his sisters or his nieces and nephew. Branson frankly told him he didn’t know what to think, but supported him nonetheless and that was all Cullen could ask from his brother. 

It had been a few weeks since he told her about his trauma and his withdrawal, and things have been getting better. 

He was trying to teach himself to be more open about things, like he had to when he was in therapy, and he found himself adjusting slowly. Tessa was a Maker-sent blessing throughout the process as well. She just… _understood_. She seemed to just be able to tell when he was having a bad day. He found migraine pills and chocolate in his coat pockets on those days. She got up before him for work and he was amazed she took the time to put them in there. 

She never brought it up unless he did first and she never pushed the subject when he decided he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She didn’t seem to judge him when he did tell her he was feeling anxious or overwhelmed. She just smiled at him and told him it was going to be okay. 

Cullen didn’t doubt she was a good nurse before, but seeing how kind and empathetic she was being toward him spoke volumes about her to him. The surprising thing was he didn’t felt like he was a patient with her, like he expected. She gave him full control of how he was going to handle this with her. 

He knew he would never be able to repay her, and he supposed he could at least try his hardest at this marriage. He made up his mind after he told her everything. What she said made sense. This was never going to work if he was convinced their answer to the TV show was to not stay married.

 _They_ had to make this work, not just one of them. When Cullen realized this, he regretted every thought he had about leaving her at the end of the TV show’s experiment. He regretted letting his anxiety get a hold of him like that. He knew he could be stronger and he knew he had the resolve to get through this, and he would have her help. 

He meant what he said too. He was tired of being alone. He wanted someone he could rely on. Yes, it was terrifying, but he was willing to take this chance. It was if he was standing on the edge of the edge of the deep end of a pool, scared to jump in just like he was when he was a kid. He didn’t know where this marriage was going to lead him, but he knew one thing. He knew it could only lead him somewhere good and he held onto that gut feeling, relying on it when he doubted. 

Tessa’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “So, tell me if I’m getting it right, Mia has her daughters, Alana and Regan. And Branson has a son named Aaron?”

“Yes,” Cullen chuckled. Tessa had asked for every detail he could give about his family when he mentioned his niece’s birthday party. He could tell she was nervous, but he knew she would have no reason to be once she actually met them.

He knew they would like her. 

Mia would take some convincing, because she was the only one of his siblings who knew about his lyrium withdrawal, but he wasn’t too worried about it. 

He was more concerned about the teasing he would get than anything. 

“And Mia’s husband is Ricon and Branson’s girlfriend’s name is Bethany and-“

“Tess.”

She let out a huff. “What?”

“Relax. It will all be fine.”

Tessa sighed and leaned back in her seat. “I know…I just want them to like me,” she mumbled, biting her lip. 

Remembering that being comforting was part of being a good husband, Cullen didn’t hesitate to reach over and intertwine his fingers with hers. “You’ll be okay.”

She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling again so Cullen took that as a success. 

Southreach was a day’s drive away from Haven, but Cullen had promised Alana he would be there for her 6th birthday and Tessa had encouraged the weekend away from Haven for them. They left Friday morning (they both managed to get time off of work) and they made it there that night. They stayed in a hotel and were now finishing the drive to Mia’s house, where they would stay until they had to leave Sunday morning. 

The whole car trip involved learning more about each other and singing along with the CD Tessa had brought along. Well, he sang and she just whistled along. He learned more about her family on the road trip, since his was the subject frequently. 

He was surprised to learn her grandfather was a retired Templar, and how the youngest of her older brothers, Gavin, was actively in the Order at Ferelden’s Circle of all places. Jonathan, her oldest brother, worked with their father in the business the Trevelyan’s ran. Oliver, her other brother, was a captain in Ostwick’s air force. 

Oliver was the older brother that picked on her frequently, since she told him she punched him in the nose once. 

Gavin, meanwhile, was the brother that taught her how to punch Oliver.

Jonathan was the bystander who just laughed at the side. 

That was how most of her stories about her brothers went. Oliver would do something, Gavin would defend her, and Jonathan would laugh. 

Cullen was vaguely reminded of his own adventures with his siblings when he was young. Only, Mia was Gavin and he and Branson were the Olivers of Rosalie’s life. 

“Am I going to hear superglue stories?” Tessa asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

Cullen barked out a laugh. “Most definitely.”

Tessa started to laugh along and she fell silent when Cullen pulled into the suburb Mia lived in. His stomach flipped a little when Mia and Ricon’s house came into view. The bright blue balloons were hard to miss. There was at least 20 tied to the top of the mailbox sitting at the end of the driveway. 

Cullen parked behind one of the many minivans parked on the side of the street near the house and the screeching of laughing and playing children could be heard from the backyard. 

He reached into the backseat, grabbing the present they got for Alana on the way there. Both of them had a mini panic attack when the realized they didn’t bring anything at first. 

Cullen was just glad Tessa was there because he would have had no idea on what to get a six-year-old girl. 

Tessa, on the other hand, just had to hear a little bit about Alana to know what she would want. “She’s a tomboy right? So princess things are unacceptable,” she had laughed when Cullen gestured to the many dolls in one of the aisles. 

Cullen hoped Alana would like the—what was it called?—Skip It.

It was a toy with a large ring on the end that went around the kid’s ankle and a big, clunky hunk of round plastic on the other end and they would swing it around and ‘skip’ over it. Cullen wondered why a simple jump rope wouldn’t have worked, but Tessa had insisted. 

They made their way across the lawn toward the fence to the back yard. 

“Do you really think they’ll like me?”

Cullen glanced down at her and he couldn’t help but grin. She looked nervous and she was biting her lip again. He reached over and intertwined their fingers. “It will be okay.”

She said those words so many times to him the past few weeks, he knew how nice it was to hear them. 

Her mouth fell open in surprise for a moment before a beaming smile came to her face. Maker’s breath, her smile was the most beautiful thing about her. Her smile had the power to drive away the very ache in his bones and light up a room. 

He quickly remembered where he was, reminding himself to not stare. He finished walking to the gate, opening it for her. 

Cullen knew he was going to have a headache before the party was over. 

Kids were laughing and screaming in almost every part of the backyard. There was a small bouncy house in one corner and a jungle gym set in the other corner and both were packed. 

“Wow, which one is Alana again?” Tessa joked, peeking up at him. 

Cullen could instantly pick out his niece’s wild, curly blonde hair from the pack of kids. “She’s the queen of the jungle gym right now,” he chuckled, pointing to the top of the slide on the play set. 

Alana was wearing a crown and carrying a nerf gun, which seemed fitting for her. 

The girl in question glanced toward them. A beaming grin came to her face before she screamed and slid down the slide as fast as she could, dropping the nerf gun. Cullen quickly handed the present to Tessa to prepare for when Alana would leap at him. 

He knelt down and opened his arms, feeling lighter than he had in days when he saw the beaming little girl. 

“Uncle Cullen!” Alana laughed, leaping into his arms. 

Before Cullen knew it, two more little bodies were slamming into him, almost knocking him back on his arse. 

“Cull!” his three year old nephew squealed, scrambling to get on his shoulders. 

Meanwhile, Regan, his four year old niece, was looking up at him with a pout next to her sister. “You late!” she accused. 

Cullen ruffled up her equally fluffy blonde hair. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Alana didn’t say anything else, but she was staring up at Tessa with wide eyes. Her mouth slowly went slack before she dug her fingers into Cullen’s shirt and started to hop up and down in excitement. “Is that her?! Is that her?! Is that her?!”

Cullen peeked at Tessa over his shoulder to find her covering her mouth to try to stop her laughter. 

“That’s Tessa,” he stood, quickly reaching around so he can stop Aaron from falling as his grip on his shoulders was starting to slip. 

“That’s Aunt Tessa?” Regan asked, tilting her head as she studied his wife. 

Aaron started to scramble up higher and Cullen finally was able to get him to sit on his shoulders, turning so he could face Tessa. He knew his nephew was staring at Tessa with wide brown eyes. 

All three of the children were zeroed in on Tessa now and Tessa looked tickled pink. 

Cullen was shocked they were calling her ‘Aunt Tessa’ already. He would have to talk to Mia about that one. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Tessa squatted down and held out her free hand to the little girls standing beside him. 

Alana immediately shook her hand. “I’m Alana! I’m six-years-old!”

Tessa’s eyes widened. “Wow! You’re halfway grown up.”

Alana beamed at her and Cullen knew Tessa had officially won her over, not that it was hard. Regan, on the other hand, was going to take some convincing. The little girl was studying Tessa with a scrutiny worthy of her mother. “What that?” she asked, pointing to the present. 

“That’s Alana’s birthday present. Tessa picked it out and everything,” Cullen answered, readjusting his grip on Aaron. The three year old was starting to squirm and Cullen felt he wasn’t in the mood to play ‘Horsey’ like the last time he visited. Not when there was so much going on around them. 

He helped the little boy to the ground and the toddler immediately hid behind Cullen’s leg, hugging tight to his jeans. Tessa waggled her fingers at him with a big smile. “Hi there!”

Aaron gasped and hid behind Cullen’s leg again. 

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford, why are you late?”

Cullen inwardly groaned as he turned to face Mia, who was walking up to them with a wide grin. Mia was a spitting image of their mother in the face. Everything else was their father. Her dark brown eyes glanced at Tessa before she arched a brow. “Well? Aren’t you going to properly introduce her?”

“I can’t do anything right, can I?” Cullen retorted, beckoning to Tessa. “Mia, I would like you to meet Tessa. Tessa, this is Mia.”

Cullen saw Mia’s eyes narrow as she closely studied Tessa, and he wondered what exactly she was looking for. 

“I’m glad to finally meet you,” Tessa greeted with a smile, holding out her hand. 

Mia smirked before barking out a laugh. “It’s about time I got to meet you. You would think the show would have let all of us talk,” she huffed, shaking Tessa’s hand. She suddenly smacked Cullen’s arm. “So why were you late Cullen Stanton?”

Cullen heard Tessa suppress a snicker and he knew he would be getting teasing from her later. “You know how there’s construction on the highway I didn’t know about? We ran into it,” he replied, deadpan. 

“Oh shoot! I knew I was forgetting to tell you something,” Mia grumbled, snapping her fingers. 

Cullen rolled his eyes, gesturing to the present Tessa was holding. “Where can we put this?”

Mia gestured to a table near the bouncy house. The mountain of presents could rival some of the buildings in Haven. “Just set it there. And help yourselves to the food! I have to find Bran or Rick. They agreed to help me with the piñata.”

Mia marched away to do just that. 

Cullen held back a laugh. ‘Agreed’ was a very strong word when Mia’s bossiness was involved. 

“They never agreed to anything, did they?” Tessa giggled next to him. 

“No,” Cullen said with a smirk. 

Aaron, meanwhile, was now clinging to Cullen’s leg and both Alana and Regan were still standing next to them. 

“Can I see what you got me, Uncle Cullen?” Alana asked, standing on the tips of her toes to try to see in the bag. 

“Yes, when you open the rest of your presents,” Cullen chuckled. 

They started to walk to the table. Well, Cullen waddled, since Aaron wouldn’t let go. Alana was holding Tessa’s hand and leading her along now. “So have you and Uncle Cullen fallen in love yet? Mama and Daddy keep talking about if you have or not,” Alana suddenly asked, looking up at Tessa with big, hopeful blue eyes. 

Regan looked up with equally hopeful brown eyes. 

Shit. 

Tessa’s mouth fell open for a moment before she squatted down next to the girls. She bit her lip while she smiled and gestured both of them to come closer. She cupped her hands around her mouth and Cullen arched a brow when he couldn’t hear what she said. 

Both girls squealed and started to hop in excitement before they both grabbed a hold of Tessa’s hands before tugging her toward the table of presents again. She beamed at him over her shoulder before focusing on his nieces again. Cullen was a little surprised to find his chest filling with a warm, fluttery feeling from the simple act. 

“I still don’t know why they matched her with you. She’s way too pretty.”

Cullen huffed and glanced at Branson, who was trying to pry Aaron off of Cullen’s leg. Cullen bent down and helped and both men eventually got the little boy to let go. “I don’t care. I’m just considering myself lucky,” Cullen mumbled, rubbing the back of his head. 

Branson perched Aaron on his hip, nodding. Bran had hardly changed since the last time Cullen saw him. Unlike Cullen, he didn’t keep his hair cut. He had his wavy blond hair pulled back into a bun on the back of his head. He was the only one of them who inherited their mother’s blue eyes, which were piercing and ice blue and Cullen couldn’t help but think of their mother whenever he saw Bran. 

Bran glanced over at Tessa before shooting a smirk Cullen’s way. “We saw you guys make up on the show. Mia wouldn’t shut up about it.”

Cullen groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Hey…does she know? About what happened to you at…you know?”

Cullen opened his eyes and gave Branson a weary smile. “Yes. She knows. I’m…trying to talk to her more about those things.”

Branson nodded and his solemn look turned into a teasing one. “Well, she hasn’t dumped your arse yet. Look happy for Andraste’s sake,” he laughed. 

With a sigh, Cullen rolled his eyes. “I am happy, Bran. I just don’t like discussing how half of Thedas also knows how Tessa and I are doing.”

“I don’t blame you. I would have gone crazy by now if I knew I had cameras watching Beth and I. I’m surprised you haven’t lost it,” Bran paused, setting a squirming Aaron down, “besides, I would hate it if cameras were on me while I was snogging with-“

Cullen gave him a shove before he could continue.

* * *

Tessa was so relieved Alana loved the Skip-It she and Cullen picked out for her. 

She stood to the side with Cullen and watched the little girl play with only that toy. Alana was as sweet as Cullen said she was. She shared her new toys with her friends and she even let her little sister play with the Skip-It as well. 

“She’s going to be just like Mia,” Cullen commented. 

Tessa glanced up at him and a fluttering feeling settled in her stomach at the look on his face. The amount of adoration in his eyes and smile was enough to cause her heart to swell. The whole situation was just cute, she didn’t know what to do with herself. “What makes you say that?” she asked.

“Mia was the same when we were kids.”

The party was finally starting to trickle down and eventually, only the Rutherfords remained. 

“Cullen! Help me with this bloody bouncy house!” Branson yelled from across the yard. 

Cullen rolled his eyes at Tessa before making his way toward his brother. Tessa couldn’t help but smile and she squeaked in surprise when a couple of little bodies suddenly wrapped around her legs. “Aunt Tessa, can you help me get my toys inside?” Alana begged, giving her a pleading look. 

Tessa gently pried both her and Regan from her legs. “Lead the way.”

Thankfully, Rosalie was already on the job. Tessa found she felt the most comfortable around Cullen’s youngest sister. They were close in age and they were interested in many of the same things. And while she asked about her and Cullen’s relationship, she just showed excitement, rather than the nosiness she was used to. 

“Perfect! I have just the right amount of help now!” Rosalie chirped, winking at Tessa. 

They both handed the little girls things that were easy to carry while they piled their arms high with presents. 

The small troop eventually got all of the presents on the kitchen table and Tessa took the opportunity to look around. Pictures of the girls were everywhere, as well as many pictures of Cullen’s parents and the whole family together. 

All in all, it looked like the typical, small town, suburban home. Tessa wondered if she would ever have a home like this. Would she ever have a home like this with Cullen? She knew it was too soon to say, but a secret part of her desperately hoped she would have something like this someday. 

“Okay girls! Go grab the rest!” Rosalie ordered, gently pushing the girls out of the sliding glass door. 

The girls quickly ran outside, leaving Tessa and Rosalie alone for the moment. “So, I have just one teensy question I want to ask before Mia interrogates you,” Rosalie giggled. 

“And that would be?”

“Well, we were all concerned, because we were wondering if you knew about…his past. Has he told you anything?”

Cullen had told her that everyone in his family know about Kinloch and a little bit about Kirkwall, but Mia was the only one who knew about the lyrium. 

“Yes, I know about everything,” Tessa answered quietly. 

Rosalie let out a huge sigh. “We…didn’t know what to think when we heard about it. We never imagined something that horrible happening to him,” she paused and let out a weak laugh, “Anyway, my other question was if the girls asked if you two fell in love yet. I would give _anything_ to have seen the look on Cully’s face.”

Tessa couldn’t help but grin. “It was pretty funny.”

Rosalie’s dark brown eyes widened and she squealed in laughter. “Oh Maker! I bet that was awkward. What did you two say? They wouldn’t have left you alone if you didn’t answer.”

“Well, I told the girls they had to keep a secret. I said the magic spell I put over us hasn’t started working yet. Perk of being a mage,” Tessa admitted, biting her lip with a smile. 

“I keep forgetting you’re a mage! I’m surprised the girls haven’t asked you to do a magic trick,” Rosalie huffed and rolled her eyes, “Or Bran, for that matter.” 

The sliding door suddenly opened, revealing Mia holding an armful of platters, bowls, and Maker knew what else. “Is there a girl talk I didn’t know about?”

She set everything down on the table and wiped some sweat off her forehead. 

“Your girls asked the dreaded question,” Rosalie laughed, winking at Tessa.

Mia gasped and whipped around to face Tessa. “I. Am. So. Sorry. I told them that was not a good question and-“

Tessa’s laugh cut her off. “It’s fine. It surprised us but I was able to give them a good answer.”

Rosalie couldn’t stop herself. “She told them she put a love spell on her and Cullen and it took a while to work.”

Mia stared at her in disbelief for a moment before throwing her head back with a laugh. “Ha! I bet they loved that!”

“Loved what?”

Cullen and Branson were finally stepping in. Cullen was opening the door for the girls and with Ricon following behind. 

“Nothing,” all three women answered at once. 

“Uh oh, this is a girl secret and it’s going to work against us,” Branson playfully grumbled, rolling his eyes at Cullen and Ricon. 

“And you shouldn’t try to learn what it is.”

Everyone turned to look toward Bethany, who was stepping in with a sleeping Aaron perched on her hip. Tessa was honestly surprised to see Bethany Hawke of all people here. It was a small world after all. Tessa didn’t know her well, since Bethany only visited Marian and few times at college, but she remembered liking the younger woman. 

She tugged on Branson’s sleeve and looked down at the sleeping toddler in her arms. “I think it’s time we put this one to bed.”

Branson pecked her forehead and saluted toward Cullen and Mia. “Well, the head of the house has spoken. We better leave.”

Everyone said their goodbyes and Cullen and Mia had to pry the girls off of Branson’s legs before the young couple left. 

Rosalie then took her leave, giving Tessa her cell phone number and promising to keep in touch. 

Then, it took Mia, Ricon, AND Cullen to convince Alana and Regan to go to bed. The girls were still excited from the party and they wanted to stay up, but Mia eventually won in the end. 

Soon, all of the adults were crowded in the kitchen. Mia was adamant about Tessa and Cullen not helping clean up at first, but she soon assumed the role of drill sergeant as soon as they got to work. 

Finally, they all sat down at the dining room table, all nursing cold beers and thankful for the silence. 

Cullen wrapped his arm around Tessa’s waist and Tessa rested her head on his shoulder. Maker, she didn’t realize how tired she was until she was actually sitting still. 

“So, can I ask you two a question?” Mia finally asked, resting her arms on the table. 

“Mia,” Cullen warned, giving her a hard look. 

“Relax Cull, I just want to ask how you two are handling the elephant in your life,” Mia gently asked, looking toward Tessa.

Tessa didn’t have to be a genius to know why Mia would be worried. Cullen was extremely vulnerable during the times his PTS and lyrium withdrawals were too much. 

“We’re dealing with it. He’s in no danger with me,” Tessa answered, reaching for Cullen’s hand. 

“Danger?!” Cullen huffed, scowling at his sister. 

Mia narrowed her eyes before finally sighing and leaning back in her chair again. “That was my biggest concern with all of this. I didn’t want them to match him up with someone who wouldn’t…understand.” 

Cullen furrowed his brow. “Thanks for the confidence,” he growled, squeezing Tessa’s hand. 

“Oh come on, Cull! If she was anyone else you two wouldn’t be here together right now. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay, that’s all,” Mia huffed. 

Ricon finally spoke up. Tessa only heard him say maybe a handful of words the whole day. Then again, he was usually busy with a task Mia had given him. “We both just wanted to make sure…and we can’t stop the girls from watching the show and we don’t want to lie too much. They both know how to work the DVR.” 

He suddenly frowned and looked at his wife. “And what were you all chit chatting about before we walked in?”

Mia smirked and Tessa had to cover her mouth to hold back a laugh. “Oh, just how the girls asked if they fell in love yet, which, was probably priceless knowing how Cullen is.”

Cullen’s face started to turn pink and Tessa couldn’t hold back her laughter now. Cullen let go of her hand and poked her side. Ever since he found out she was ticklish, he was exploiting the fact. “Speaking of that, what did you tell them?!”

Tessa grinned wickedly. “Can’t tell. It’s a secret.”

Mia was snickering now and both men were frowning at their wives. 

Tessa honestly didn’t know what to think about the question the girls asked. Were they falling in love? Tessa knew she cared for Cullen now, more than she had for anyone she had been in a relationship with, but was she falling in love with him? Or was this just them becoming comfortable with each other and filling a void they didn’t want to be empty anymore? 

She didn’t know, but she hoped the imaginary spell would kick in soon because she found herself wanting to know the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know Branson x Bethany is a crack ship but razzmatash from tumblr wrote it in her Avaar AU and I fell in love with it. And in Trespasser Branson has a son and I just love the idea of him and Beth having a kid and I'm going to shut up now.


	10. Changing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW ahead

“So random women have disappeared over the last three years and they just now made the connection to one guy?” Alistair grumbled.

Cullen shrugged, looking through the files that were sitting on his desk that morning. 

Cullen and Alistair were partners and they usually were given the cases involving magic, since they both had Templar experience. If they had a case involving missing people, that usually meant blood magic. 

An involuntary shiver ran through Cullen as he read the reports in the file. Only finger bones of one victim found at one dump site. Only a foot at another. Maker, what were they dealing with?

“They dump this on us because they don’t know what’s happening and they think it’s a blood mage. Of course.”

“Should we contact the Templars at their Embassy? They could help if it actually is a blood mage,” Cullen suggested. 

“No, they’ll start terrorizing every mage in Haven and suddenly everyone will be a blood mage. Let’s wait until we’re absolutely sure that magic is even involved.”

Cullen’s stomach curdled at the thought of Tessa being questioned by the Templars and being accused of being a blood mage. “You’re right. So what leads do we have?”

“Nothing. None of the women are alike when it comes to economic status or appearance. All of their backgrounds have nothing that would cause them to have enemies. There’s only one connection.”

Cullen furrowed his brow. “And that is…”

“They all receive a lovely bouquet of white lilies from an unknown prince charming before they disappear.”

“How did they miss that?!”

“The families didn’t tell them until they were interviewed the second time. They didn’t think much of it. I don’t know about you, but if Eryn started receiving bouquets from unknown people I would be getting more than worried.”

“Really? You would let a bouquet worry you?”

Alistair smirked and tossed his pen at Cullen. Cullen fumbled with it a little before slapping it back down on the desk with a small huff. 

“What if someone was sending flowers to your wife with no note? I would be asking questions. And you can’t tell me that any of these women’s husbands wouldn’t have thought their wives were caboodling with someone.”

Cullen found his blood boiling at the thought of a random freak targeting Tessa like that. Alright, Alistair had a point. He wiped a hand down his face. “And why do they think a mage is involved?”

“Apparently there were traces of lyrium on the latest victim’s finger bones. And the mage in the lab said they were magically tampered. Ninette was only missing for a month,” Alistair’s mouth pinched before he tossed the file he was holding on the table, “definitely not long enough for the bones to be that clean from breakdown only.”

“Let’s pray it’s not blood magic,” Cullen grumbled, looking at the pictures. What Alistair said was true, the finger bones in the picture almost looked bleached, not the yellow one would expect when looking at bones. They were too clean. Nothing natural happened to make them that way.

“So we have a man who is picks women, watches them, sends them flowers, and then takes them. He’s methodical about this,” Cullen grumbled, pinching his brow. 

“He might even have a partner. He might not be the mage but he could be blackmailing a mage to help him.”

Blackmailing a mage wasn’t hard if the mage wasn’t where they were assigned to be. Cullen’s stomach curdled again when he thought about how the Templars checked in on Tessa at least once a month. And there was always one at the hospital, watching all of the mages there. And Tessa had to fill out paperwork at the beginning of each month to ensure she could stay where she was. 

Cullen knew about this process, and he couldn’t believe he had once wanted to make it harder for a mage to work outside of the Circle. 

“Well, if we’re dealing with a mage, I think we should get Hawke in on this. She would be our best help.”

Marian Hawke was one of the very few mages in the police force in all of Thedas. She was in Kirkwall, investigating the same things he was investigating when everything was going downhill. She was the one he handed his evidence to give to the Seekers. 

“I think you’re right,” Cullen picked up the phone and punched in Hawke’s number.

“Why would he only take pieces? Blood magic usually involves draining all of the blood from the body or using a person’s energy until they can’t keep themselves alive. Not body parts in general. Just what are we dealing with here?” Alistair mused. 

Cullen didn’t know, and he was hesitant to find out. 

The rest of the day consisted of calling the victims’ family members, working with Hawke, and harassing the mages in the lab to find out how the bones were exactly tampered with. 

Before both he and Alistair knew it, it was 9 ‘o clock and they had been working nonstop. 

“Alright, I say we sleep on it and continue this in the morning. You should go out with Hawke tomorrow to investigate the dumpsites. You both might see something they missed before. You both being experts on all things magic and all,” Alistair said, standing. 

“Just how am _I_ an expert?”

“Oh, you know, over a decade in service to the Templars, married to a mage. You are an _expert_.” Alistair wiggled his eyebrows. 

Cullen rolled his eyes and stood as well. Wait. He was **late**. Tessa was probably wondering where he was. “Balls,” he grumbled, frantically searching his pockets for his cell phone. 

“Uh oh, forgot to text the wife?”

“Shut it.”

Both men walked out of the station and Cullen quickly shot a text to Tessa before focusing on his partner again. “What if it’s a Warden thing?”

Alistair frowned. The Grey Wardens was the group that handled everything the Templars and normal forces couldn’t handle. Alistair used to be a member of the group, until both he and Eryn quit after Duncan’s death. They tracked down his killer and then moved on to the police. 

“Why else would they put both of us on the case if they didn’t think a Grey Warden went rogue?” Cullen asked. He wasn’t trying to say anything bad about the Wardens. He knew they were needed, and he also knew anyone in any group could do horrible things. 

“I don’t know. We’ll have to see. If we see any hints of the taint or darkspawn, we know what kind of problem we have.”

The sinking feeling in Cullen’s chest didn’t go away until he got home. Cullen opened his front door and he found the feeling slowly disappearing as he took in the sight before him in the living room. 

Tessa was sitting on the floor next to the coffee table and papers were spread out all around her. She was slumped over the table and Cullen could hear her soft snores from where he stood. He dropped his messenger bag on the floor and slowly closed the door so he wouldn’t wake her. He tip toed closer to her and he couldn’t help but smile. She looked adorable. Her cheek was squished against her arms and she mumbled a little in her sleep before snoring again. 

He momentarily thought about his case and his heart dropped in his chest. He wondered how those husbands felt. One day their wives were there, next thing they knew, gone. He stopped thinking about it before he could get upset. Cullen slowly crouched down to her level and pushed some hair from her face. Ever since Alana's birthday two weeks ago, Cullen had been reevaluating how he felt for his mage. 

Before, he saw her as a potential close friend and companion, someone who could help him not be so lonely. But he didn’t expect to be forming these types of feelings for her so quickly. Yes, he developed a crush at first sight. She was gorgeous, kind, and adorable, who could blame him? But now…the very thought of her not being there was unthinkable. She knew everything bad about him now and she was still here and accepting and kind to him. 

And then his nieces asked the dreaded question, were they falling in love? 

Of course that little encounter ended up on the show. A cameraman followed them all the way to Southreach and it was a running joke at the station to ask him that now. 

Cullen wasn’t sure of his answer at first, but he knew it now. 

He was. 

He was falling in love with her. 

She was becoming a constant part of his thoughts, and he wasn’t scared of what that meant for once. He was becoming addicted to watching her when they were home. She was always playing music and he relished the times he caught her dancing along with it when she thought he wasn’t there. 

She never sat still. She was always doing something to preoccupy her time and he supposed that came from being on the go all day as a nurse. 

At first, he thought her constant cleaning and moving around was slightly annoying, but now he knew he couldn’t go without it. 

Tessa was just…cute. There was no other way to describe her personality. She was easy to tease, but wasn’t hesitant to tease back. And even when she had a bad day at work, she saw the positive side of things and tried to think of ways to make tomorrow better. Her kind nature showed in everything she did. And she got annoyed by the same things that annoyed him. They both never beat around the bush with each other and there were no games from her end. 

Even when they argued, she managed to make him feel a little guilty because she would always end up apologizing at the end…and then they would both start apologizing for something silly. 

Cullen finally understood how Alistair and Eryn could get in a fight about socks. 

He and Tessa got in a fight about a spoon of all things once. Their fights weren’t even fights, really, not like their first one. 

But he didn’t feel like those arguments drove them apart, he found himself learning something about her every time they settled an argument. He was starting to teach himself to clean up after himself. Bachelorhood didn’t do well for his house cleaning skills, after all. And he did it because it made her happy. 

Cullen realized he was doing something he hadn’t done since he lived with his family. He was starting to do things specifically for _her_. 

He just wanted her to be happy. 

So he started to clean up after himself. He found himself buying a book or something of that sort whenever he saw them because he thought she would like it. They went on more dates and he even went to her book club once. It was all to make her smile and he wasn’t regretting a single moment of all of this. 

Due to his changing feelings, Cullen knew another thing was changing between him and Tessa. 

He found himself wanting to be close to her physically. He wanted to show her how his feelings were changing for her. He wanted to show her how he could make her happy in more ways than one. 

At least, he assumed she was happy now, she never gave him any other impression. 

They had been getting closer to that line, but Cullen wondered if she would be willing to cross it with him. He knew she was inexperienced in that arena, and she expressed her nervousness about it before. They were taking it one step at a time, and Cullen was beginning to know what she liked. 

A loud snore brought him back to the present and Cullen realized he was staring at her…again. He glanced up at the clock with wide eyes. 

Maker, it wasn’t even 9:30. How was she this tired already?

He knew he couldn’t let her sleep here. Reaching out, he gently shook her shoulder. “Tess.”

She grumbled and tried pushing him away. 

“Tess,” he laughed, shaking a little harder. 

She jerked awake and bolted upright. “Whazzit?”

The papers flew right off the coffee table. 

“Long day?” he asked as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, he reached down to pick up the papers. 

“Yeah, one of the other mage nurses made a mistake today, so I’ve been filling out paperwork on it for hours,” she grumbled, scratching her head. 

Cullen saw the Templar seal on one paper and the Circle of Magi seal on another. Shit, they were investigating all of the mages. He picked up the paper with the Templar symbol and he grimaced. They were asking invasive, personal questions on the paper. 

“It’s funny. I never actually have seen what an inquiry looked like,” he mused, tossing it back on the table. 

Tessa leaned back against the couch with a sigh. “Probably because you were always in the Circle and never out of it. I had to fill out crap like this in college all the time because of people like Marian.” She shook her head in amusement at the memory. “She would always use her magic for pranks and the Templars at the university hated her.”

Cullen hummed in thought as he looked at the questions. He never truly asked how Tessa dealt with the risk of possession. Or how she felt about anything regarding the Circles in general. 

“How do you deal with it?” he asked, gesturing to the questions. 

Tessa shrugged, running her fingers through her hair. She grumbled when they got caught in little knots at the end and he couldn’t help but grin at the sight. She really was just cute. 

He settled down on the floor beside her. Squatting was great and all, but his knees weren’t what they used to be. 

“I just don’t talk to spirits at all if they visit my dreams. Sometimes demons disguise themselves as nicer things to trick you, so I just don’t talk to them at all. The only spirit I ever talked to was a spirit of Compassion during my Harrowing. It made me wish the Templars would let us talk to the benevolent spirits. I never felt more at peace when I was talking to her.” She scrunched her face, “They made me face a Desire demon during my Harrowing. It really wasn’t a good experience.”

Cullen’s gut clenched at the mention of a Desire demon, but it made him respect her ability as a mage. Usually, the Knight-Commander and First Enchanter only summoned that demon for the mages they believed were exceptionally talented. 

“What happened?”

Tessa gave him a teasing look, nudging him with her shoulder. “Don’t you know? We’re forbidden to talk about it.”

“Yet here we are.”

Tessa giggled a little before her expression turned solemn. “I had a really big crush on the Knight-Captain at Ostwick. He was just so nice and he always asked how we all were doing and…well, a nice Templar was hard to find. He had the prettiest brown eyes.”

Cullen frowned. He could see where this was going.

“So, of course, the desire demon took his shape. It was kind of stupid, I knew I was in the Fade and I knew he couldn’t possibly be there.”

Cullen suddenly had a need to know about every other romantic encounter in her life. So, she had a crush when she was 16? 

“Tell me more about him.”

“Who?”

“The Knight-Captain,” he chuckled, throwing an arm over her shoulders. The case was still itching at the back of his mind and he just needed reassurance that she was _there_. 

Tessa’s cheeks turned a fetching shade of pink and she cleared her throat as she snuggled into his side. “There isn’t much. I was too young and too shy to do anything. Like I said, he was nice and he always stood up for us. He was one of the officers that made sure the other Templars stayed in line when it came to harassment and stuff.”

She smirked and poked his stomach before wrapping her arm around him. “What about you? Who was your first crush?”

Cullen cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his head. “It was a mage at Kinloch. I was a green recruit and she was one of the prettiest and talented ones there. Everyone loved her.”

Like every time he thought of Solona, the image of the perverted version the Desire demon showed him always accompanied the thought. “The…desire demon used that against me,” he mumbled, pulling Tessa closer. 

“Oh…” her hand started to rub soothing circles and he focused on that feeling before his anxiety could get a grip. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I need to focus on the good things that happened there. Like when she kissed me,” he continued, grinning stupidly at the thought. He was so happy at the time. _**The**_ Solona Amell kissed him, Cullen Rutherford. His 18 year old self couldn’t think of anything better at the time. 

“Goodness, and here I thought you were the Templar that followed the rules,” Tessa teased. 

Cullen shrugged. “I was good at following them…most of the time.” He suddenly started wondering about her first kiss. “What about you? First kiss?”

Tessa rolled her eyes. “I was 14 and it was with a boy named Andrew. He was a terrible kisser. Too much spit.”

Cullen couldn’t stop his laughter. The laughs kept coming and eventually, she joined him. 

“So was the mage the only one? Who else have you snogged with?” Tessa asked after they both calmed down. 

“No, there was a woman who worked at Kirkwall’s Circle office. We were together until I became Knight-Captain. We both decided it would be best to end it.” He gave her an expectant look.

“No real relationships. We weren’t allowed in the Circle and I was always more focused on school when I went to college. There was that girl from the soccer team though…” she trailed off and gave him a shy look. 

“What?”

“You don’t…care? I guess that’s the word I’m looking for.”

Cullen shrugged. He honestly didn’t mind. Most Templars were men and things happened. And since the Circles were split up according to gender, he walking in on too many things and he wasn’t surprised by anything anymore. “No, I don’t.”

Her shoulders sagged with relief and Cullen didn’t realize she had tensed up until she was relaxing against him again. “Good…she was the only other good kisser I ever met.” She bit her lip and looked up at him through her eyelashes and his gut clenched. Oh Maker, he loved it when she tried to be coy. 

“You win first place in that arena,” she added on huskily, sitting up to give him a tender peck. 

Cullen couldn’t help but smirk. He was first place in the kissing department, huh? Maybe he could show her what else he could be first place in. He held her close and pressed another kiss to her lips, gently nipping at her bottom lip. 

She surprised him. She moved to where she was straddling his hips and she pressed a deep kiss to his lips, cradling his face in her palms. Usually, he initiated things like this and went as far as she wanted. He liked seeing this side of her. The slide of her palms along his cheeks sent another wave of heat through him and he held back a groan at the feeling of her fingers scraping along his scalp as she moved her hands. 

His hands settled on her waist and he held her closer to him as he tilted his head. Maker, he couldn’t get enough of her now. They parted to breathe for a moment and Cullen pressed open mouthed kisses down her neck toward the collar of her shirt. He nipped at the edge and he groaned when she pressed up against him. He had no reason to be embarrassed. He wanted her to know how this made him feel. 

The soft swell of her breasts and the feel of her soft curves against him was overwhelming. Tessa slowly lowered her hips against his and he had to break the kiss and rest his forehead against her shoulder when she rolled her hips. He sucked in a deep breath when she rolled her hips again and he shuddered when she nibbled on his earlobe. 

“Tess,” he rumbled, pressing kisses against her neck. Maker, her skin was soft. And she always smelled like flowers and he couldn’t get enough of it. 

He rolled his hips to meet her own and she gasped. Her fingers curled into his hair and she held him close to her as they rocked against each other. Cullen’s heart felt like it was going to burst from his chest. Electricity was pulsing through his veins and his body was strung higher and higher with every roll of her hips. 

He moved his hands down to her arse and he waited a moment to see if she would protest. He was delighted when she let out a small moan and pressed against him harder. Cullen pulled her down against him and he claimed her lips again. 

The delicious slide of her tongue and the puff of her breaths against him was almost too much. He kept repeating her name against her lips when her rocking became almost frantic. She was close. Cullen could feel it in the way her thighs were gripping him and her grip in his hair was almost painful, but he didn’t care. 

Her head dropped back and Cullen thanked the Maker for the sight in front of him. She was glorious. Her hair spilled down behind her and swayed with every movement. Her lips were plump and reddened from his kisses and were parted as she gasped. 

Cullen heard a musical tone, but he ignored it. He surged forward and captured her lips again as he dragged her against him. Shit, he was going to come at this rate. 

A high keening moan suddenly left her and she held him close as she rode out her high. Her hips were still rocking and Cullen couldn’t take it. He buried his face into her neck and his arms wrapped around her as he met his own end. 

They both panted against each other and Cullen felt like he was floating. He couldn’t remember the last time he came that hard. The fact they both were completely clothed blew his mind. 

Tessa slowly pulled away and she gave him a shy grin. “I didn’t know that could happen,” she whispered, biting her lip. 

Cullen ran his hands up and down her back. “Me neither,” he agreed, giving her a soft peck. 

She suddenly looked away and she squirmed a little. “Was it…good?”

Cullen almost laughed. She was doubting herself? He couldn’t imagine why. She was wonderful and he wished he wasn’t as tired as he was so he could worship her the way he wanted to. “Tess, it was amazing,” he reassured, pulling her close again. 

She buried her face into his shoulder and started to giggle. “Good.”

Cullen couldn’t help but grin and he basked in the feeling surrounding them. 

The moment was ruined when he glanced at the camera in the corner of the ceiling. He swore it would be smirking at him if machines could do that. “Shit.”

“What?”

“We just did that in our living room.”

Tessa bolted upright and glanced over her shoulder up at the camera. She finally shrugged and tried to act nonchalant. “Well, I suppose we’re entertaining after all.”

Mirth bubbled up in Cullen and he couldn’t stop the string of giggles from escaping him. He couldn’t remember a time he was this relaxed and happy, despite his embarrassment. 

He started to outright laugh and he nuzzled against her neck. “I suppose we are.”

She giggled and squirmed against him. “Stop that!”

“Why?”

“Your beard is tickling me!”

Cullen smirked and started to rub his cheeks against her skin, making her laugh and squirm harder against him. “Cullen!”

Cullen started to wiggle his fingers against her sides, making her shriek with laughter. He didn’t expect her to retaliate. She reached under his armpits and started to tickle herself. He yelped and jerked, forcing his hands and face away from her. 

She smirked playfully down at him and he smiled back. 

Maker, he wished this moment could last forever. 

The musical tone he heard earlier rang out again, forcing Tessa to look away from him. Her brow pinched a little. “That’s Jon’s ringtone…why would he be calling?”

She untangled herself from him and went to the kitchen, where her phone was sitting on the counter. 

“5 missed calls?!”

Cullen now was worried. Why would her brother be trying so hard?

He stood up, squirming in discomfort at the damp feeling in his pants and he quickly stepped into their room to change. 

He stepped out again, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. 

Cullen froze when he saw Tessa leaning against the counter. Her hand was covering her mouth and tears were pooling in her eyes. Her other hand was trembling as it held the phone to her ear. 

He hurried to her side and rested a hand on her back. What was going on?

“Yes, I’ll be there. Will you tell Mum and Dad for me? Thanks. Love you too.”

Tessa tossed her phone down and buried her face in her hands. Her shoulders were shaking and a whimper escaped from her. 

Cullen found out Tessa was a quiet crier. She never wailed or sobbed. Her tears always fell silently and he didn’t know if that was better or worse. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she turned into him, burying her face into the front of his shirt. He wrapped his arms around her, rubbing circles into her back until she calmed down. 

She finally pulled away, wiping tears from her eyes. “My grandfather is in the hospital…they don’t think he has long.”

Cullen’s heart dropped. Tessa frequently talked about her grandfather and he knew she was close to him. He was easily one of the most important people in her life. 

“I’ll have to go to Ostwick. Shit, I need to call Wynne and ask people to cover me and get a plane ticket and-“ she cut herself off and rubbed at her forehead. 

“You call Wynne. I’ll look for tickets.”

Tessa’s head jerked up and her eyes became wide as saucers. “Tickets?”

“I’m coming with you.”

“Cullen, you don’t have to-“

Cullen rested his hands on her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “No, I do. I’m your husband and you need me. End of discussion. Now call Wynne and I’ll look for tickets and let Cassandra know.”

Tessa’s mouth dropped in shock for a moment before she gave him a grateful smile. She reached up on the tips of her toes and gave him a peck before picking up her cell phone. 

He grabbed his own phone and went to get his laptop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to make this chapter only Cullen's POV because it's so long. Tessa will have her own chapter soon. And do not worry, Tessa will eventually jump Cullen's bones.


	11. Plane Ride

Tessa felt horrible the whole plane ride to Ostwick. 

Now that she knew about what happened to Cullen, she could understand why a closed space like a plane would bother him so much. But he refused to take the train, since it was slower. And he also refused to drive and then take a boat to the Marches. He said they were flying and that was it. 

And she felt even more horrible when she heard how he argued with his superior officer, Cassandra, for what seemed like hours. Apparently he was just assigned a case and she didn’t take it well. 

He shouldn’t have to deal with her problems. 

Tessa saw him start to shake again out of the corner of her eye and she pulled out a candy bar. She bought three at the airport when he wasn’t looking. She handed him a piece of chocolate and he quickly took it. 

After they finished off the candy bar, she reached across and held his hand. She made sure he took the aisle seat this time so he was doing a little better. He gave her a grateful look before staring up at the ceiling again. 

Luckily, the plane ride was only a few hours and they were halfway there. 

She thought about what he revealed to her at the airport when they were waiting for their flight. 

_“The blood mages had us caged in a room and it was always dark…that’s why I like windows so much.”_

Her heart always broke when he revealed little tidbits of his past. And she could understand how planes were a problem. The windows were small and didn’t show much. 

But, again, he insisted and she couldn’t stop him from buying the tickets and he got angry when she suggested otherwise. 

Maker, she didn’t know what to do with him sometimes. She knew he wasn’t trying to save face because his argument was always that it was faster and she would get back to her family sooner. 

It was never about him. 

Tessa’s stomach always fluttered at the thought, despite the reason they were taking the trip. 

He worried about her. He supported her. Maker, she was even getting the feeling that he really cared for her. 

She had a feeling he did before, but she felt like the imaginary spell she told Alana and Regan about was finally kicking in. 

She never had anyone do this sort of thing for her before. He dropped everything for her. He was constantly making sure she was okay. 

He was willing to go on a _bloody plane_ for her, knowing what it did to him. 

That alone spoke volumes to her. 

And now he was going to meet her family during what was probably going to be one of the toughest times they all had to go through. 

Tessa’s heart deflated at the thought. Frederick Trevelyan was the cornerstone of their family. His kind, lighthearted spirit always brought everyone together and he was overly supportive of his grandchildren. Tessa couldn’t remember a time he missed anything. She remembered him being at all of their soccer games and school programs. He and her grandmother always visited her at the Circle and helped her stay positive with their letters and phone calls. 

The rest of her family was just as supportive, but her grandfather knew what she was going through more than anyone else. She knew what she would have to face and he always reminded her to be vigilant in her studies. 

That was why it was so hard to see him go through withdrawal. And now it was finally claiming him for good. 

Tessa bit her lip and she glanced at her husband. Would the withdrawal eventually do to him what it was doing to her grandfather? Or would it be different since Cullen got out so much sooner? 

Grandfather had been taking lyrium since he was 18 and he still took small amounts of it when he could after he retired. That was over 50 years. 

Cullen only had it for a little over 10 years. 

Tessa shook the thoughts away. Cullen was strong, and he was already doing better than her grandfather ever did. She knew it would always be a part of him and he would always want it, but she knew he could fight against it. 

Cullen started to shake again and Tessa’s heart broke again to see him that way. She pulled out the second candy bar. “Tell me a story,” she said, giving him a square of chocolate. 

He quickly ate it and gave her a confused look. “What?”

“Any story. It can be about anything or anyone.”

Cullen held out his hand and she gave him another square. He chewed slowly on this one and Tessa was happy to see him stop shaking. “Have I ever told you about my parents?”

Tessa shook her head. She knew it was a tough subject for any of the Rutherfords. Their parents died in a car accident shortly after Cullen started his duties as a Templar, forcing Mia to finish raising Branson and Rosalie while she took online classes from a nearby university. 

“We grew up in Honnleath and my father was a farmer. He and his cousins would go out and work every day and they would take Branson and I with them during the summer. Father taught me how to drive a tractor and we always took a bag of the wheat we harvested home to mother so she could make homemade bread.”

He was smiling peacefully now and Tessa felt her stomach flip when he reached up and played with the ends of her hair. “Your hair reminds me of how the wheat looked in the summer sometimes.”

He cleared his throat and looked away and continued his story. 

Tessa looked away and tucked her hair behind her ear and she felt her cheeks warm up from the compliment. Maker, he was adorable. 

“Mother stayed at home and she homeschooled us. She was going to be a teacher but she liked staying with us more. She always made stuff from scratch. I can’t remember a time she made something from a box.”

“What would she make? Stuff like the soup we made?” Tessa gave him another piece of chocolate. 

“Yes. She was famous for those. She made the best white bean stew and we would have it with cornbread. Her pies were amazing too. She was a pie fiend.”

Tessa giggled. “Is that why you like sweets so much?”

Cullen arched a brow at her. “I seem to recall you buying a lot of those pastries at Dunwidge.”

Tessa shrugged. “Guilty as charged.”

A chuckle escaped from him and he became wistful again. “They told the best stories. When we were little, they would act out our favorite fairy tales or books. Seeing my father act like a dragon was the funniest thing.”

Tessa couldn’t stop her beaming smile if she tried. 

“I don’t know how I ever left it,” he whispered, letting his head fall back against the seat. 

Tessa’s smile disappeared and she squeezed his hand. “You wanted to help people,” she softly reminded, leaning against him. 

A rueful smile came to his lips. “My father told me he was proud of me, and my mother told me to do great things. The last time I saw them was after my initiation. They came for the ceremony. I could have gone home after the rebellion, but I didn’t. I didn’t want them to see me after everything that happened. I wanted them to still be proud of me.” He paused and huffed out a laugh with no humor. “I know that’s stupid now. I probably would have got better sooner if I went home, but I didn’t want to be in their way.”

They sat in silence for many moments and he sighed. “I’m sorry, I was supposed to tell you happy things.”

“And you did,” she said softly, handing him another piece of chocolate. She popped a piece into her mouth. 

“Yes, but-“

“I’m glad you told me this, thank you,” she said, giving him a kind smile. Her heart ached for him, but she was glad he was recalling happy things. 

He gave her a true smile this time and she basked in its glow. When Cullen really smiled, it was a sight that always warmed her heart. The corners of his eyes would always crinkle and his nose would scrunch up a little and his eyes always turned into a warm amber color that reminded her of whiskey. 

She rarely saw it at the beginning of their strange marriage, but now it was becoming more common. 

They kept talking about their childhoods until they landed. 

She never had to pull out the third candy bar.


	12. The Trevelyans

Cullen could finally breathe when they landed. 

His muscles felt like they went through one of the intense drills he used to have to do as a Templar and he could feel a headache coming along. Tessa had handed him a migraine pill when they landed so it was probably not going to be around for long. 

How she knew, he didn’t know. 

She truly was a miracle worker. She made the plane ride bearable by asking him to just talk about anything. And he finally told her about Aaron and Rebecca. He always wanted a marriage like his parents had. Even as a child, he could tell they had something special. Aaron always preached about being honest and supportive and Rebecca always preached about being a friend before anything else. 

He supposed that was why he felt so guilty when he didn’t tell Tessa everything about him at the beginning of their marriage. He was going against what his parents always told him. 

But the plane ride made him realize something. 

He wasn’t just falling in love with Tessa. 

He was **in** love with Tessa. 

It hit him shortly after he told her about how her hair looked like the wheat fields he used to work on. 

The bashful look she gave him caused his heart to ache. 

And the fact she helped him through the whole plane ride and tried to comfort him the whole way when he knew she was grieving inside hit him like a sucker punch. He had to step up and be there for her. These next few days were probably going to be the hardest in her life and he was determined to help her through them. 

He would ride on a dozen planes if it would help her. 

She started to look more and more distressed as they waited for her brother, Oliver, to pick them up and he almost didn’t know what to do. 

So, he did the only thing he could do. He held her hand and kept telling her it was going to be okay. A big SUV finally stopped in front of the airport entrance and Tessa tugged on his sleeve. “That’s him.”

The biggest man Cullen had ever seen stepped out of the SUV. Tessa had said her brothers were the typical Free Marchers, but Cullen didn’t know what that meant until now. 

Oliver was _big_. His broad shoulders took up the doorway to the airport and Cullen was sure he could probably bench press him. His strawberry blond hair was cropped short and his light, icy blue eyes crinkled up when he saw Tessa. 

“Hey Tessy,” his deep voice rumbled as he hugged his sister. 

Tessa looked like a doll compared to him. 

“Hey Ol, thanks for picking us up.”

Oliver finally looked at Cullen and Cullen did his best to remain calm. It was finally hitting him. He was going to meet her family. And he knew their thoughts on him could make or break their marriage. 

He couldn’t screw this up. 

“It’s about time we got to meet you. Wish it was under better circumstances,” Oliver finally said, holding out a hand to Cullen. 

“Likewise,” Cullen replied, giving him a firm handshake. He didn’t miss how Oliver shook his hand harder than necessary. 

Tessa had warned him that her brothers were protective. 

“Well, let’s go. Mum and Dad have a room ready for you guys. They were kind of surprised when you told me both of you were coming,” he said, arching a brow at Tessa. 

Tessa huffed and put her hands on her hips. “And why wouldn’t my husband come with me? Thanks, arse.” She thumped his shoulder before picking up her carry on. 

Cullen quickly picked up her suitcase before she could and she gave him a grateful look. “Thank you,” she said, pecking his cheek. 

She sent a look toward Oliver’s way before walking toward the SUV. 

Cullen quickly followed her and the winter wind stole his breath away when he stepped outside. She opened up the back for him and she let out a deep sigh. “Shit, I’m sorry in advance. My brothers are…” she trailed off and glanced toward Oliver, who was watching them closely from the driver’s side. 

Cullen put the suitcases in the back and wrapped an arm around her and pecked the top of her head. “Don’t be. I can understand where they’re coming from.”

Tessa rolled her eyes and tugged on his scarf. “It doesn’t make it okay for them to be rude to you. They’re probably still sore about the big fight. I think they’re more upset about it than either of us are,” she grumbled. 

“Well, that’s our business, and we’re obviously okay now. That’s all they need to know.”

Tessa smiled up at him and got in the back of the car. Cullen sat in the back with her. 

“I see how it is, Tessy,” Oliver grunted as he got in. 

“Just drive,” she retorted, leaning against Cullen. 

Cullen felt her start to tremble and his heart dropped to his stomach. They had decided to head to the hospital first thing before going to her parent’s house. Cullen knew this was going to be horrible for her no matter what. He wrapped his arm around Tessa’s shoulders and pulled her close to him. She eventually stopped trembling. 

It took about 30 minutes to get to the hospital and Cullen felt like he was being interrogated the whole ride. Oliver asked innocent questions at first and they slowly evolved into ‘So what’s your plan with my sister?’ Tessa had intervened and told him to stop when it got to that point. 

Cullen was going to honestly answer that he was planning to stay with her, but he felt he should talk about that with her first. There was three months left in the damn experiment for the TV show after all. 

Oliver stopped in front of the hospital and dropped them off. “I’ve been here all day. I’ll take your stuff to the house and Jon can drop you off after he gets here. Gav should be here tomorrow.”

Tessa leaned into the car window and pecked Oliver on the cheek. “Drive safe.”

Oliver saluted to her. “Will do!”

Tessa smiled at him and he finally drove away. She looked up at the hospital and Cullen saw tears start pooling in her eyes. He reached over and held her gloved hand in his. “Ready?” he asked. It was a stupid question. No one was ever truly ready to see a loved one on their death bed. 

Tessa squeezed his fingers and looked over at him. “Let’s go.”

They navigated their way through the hospital until they got to the hospice care unit. Tessa pulled off her gloves, reached over and put on hand sanitizer from the dispenser on the wall. She quickly rubbed it in and reached up to knock, but she stopped. She let out a shaky breath and gave him a sad grin. “I forgot I’m not here as a nurse. Habit I guess.” 

Cullen grinned and rubbed her back. “It’s going to be okay.” He reached over and put on hand sanitizer too. 

Tessa closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath before looking up at him. “Thank you.” 

For a second, the beeping and the bustling of the nurses and doctors didn’t exist around them and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Do you need coffee or anything?”

Tessa’s nose scrunched up. “Yes, but not hospital coffee. It’s never good.”

She finally reached up and knocked on the door and opened it. 

“Tessy!”

Cullen opened the door the rest of the way so Tessa could hug her mother. 

To say Tessa was a spitting image of her mother was an understatement. They had the same red-gold hair that curled softly and the only difference in their faces was that her mother’s was a tad longer and her eyes were bright blue. 

Madelyne Trevelyan’s intense gaze landed on him and her eyes hardened for a moment before she let go of her daughter and she held out her hand. “Hello Cullen.”

Cullen had a feeling the person he should be most afraid of was Madelyne. “Hello,” he said, shaking her hand. 

“Cullen’s here?”

Tessa tugged Cullen further into the room and Cullen realized the most important people to his wife were all in one room. She always talked about her grandparents and her father, and there they were. It was noon, so lunch was just brought up. Frederick Trevelyan was awake and more alert than the usual person was on their death bed and he was slowly spooning soup into his mouth. 

That was what made lyrium withdrawal so horrible. Some days are good, some days…not. 

Frederick was probably getting the intense extremes on both ends. 

Jacklyn Trevelyan was sitting to her husband’s right while Cedric was on his left. Cedric Trevelyan stood and Cullen could tell where Oliver got his height and build now. Cedric though, was looking kinder than any of the Trevelyans have so far. His dark red hair and beard gave him a friendly, down to earth look. 

“Cullen, it’s about time we properly met,” he said, giving his hand a firm shake. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sir.” Cullen didn’t know why, but he felt he had to call Cedric that. 

Cedric’s eyes softened as he looked at his daughter. “Hey Tessy,” he said, giving her a big hug. 

Frederick perked up. “Tessy’s here?”

Jacklyn patted his arm, pulling he curtain back so he could see. “She is, dear.”

He gasped out a breath and coughed a little before beckoning her over. “Come here, Tess. Maybe you can cure me.”

Tessa let out a soft laugh before stepping close to give her grandfather a hug. 

Frederick glanced around after she stepped back. “Jackie, I bet Tessy and Cullen are famished from the plane ride. How ‘bout you girls go and get lunch?”

Jacklyn winked toward Cullen and beckoned to both Madelyne and Tessa. “That’s a good idea. Come on, the café here is good. What would you boys like?”

Cullen said he would take anything and Cedric said the same. 

The silence in the room was almost crushing after the girls left. Tessa didn’t seem to look worried and she even smiled at him before walking out of the room. 

Well, that had to be a good sign, right?

“We’ve been watching the show all season. Jacklyn is tickled pink about you two,” Frederick managed to rasp out. He gave Cullen a teasing grin. 

Cullen felt his neck heat up and he cleared his throat. 

Cedric shook his head in amusement, pushing out a chair for Cullen. “What he means to say is, we like what we’re seeing. And Tessa always sounds happy when she calls us. You don’t have to worry while you’re here. My wife just wished you two met the…how do I put it? Traditional way.”

Well, Cullen couldn’t blame Tessa’s mother for feeling that way. 

“That’s good to hear,” he finally said, taking a seat. 

He shrugged off his coat and leaned back in the chair. 

“The fact you came up here with her spoke volumes to us. I hope you realize that,” Cedric added on. 

Cullen pinched his brow. Why was everyone so surprised he was here? Tessa was even surprised he wanted to come with her in the first place. “Why wouldn’t I be here?”

Cedric’s brow quirked and he shared a look with his father, whose expression screamed ‘I told you so’. Cullen wondered what the story was behind that. 

“Well, we figured since you two didn’t know each other that long—“

“He thought you two weren’t treating this like a real marriage, which I know you two are. I can tell from how she talks about it,” Frederick interrupted, “We have many doubters in our midst.”

Cullen couldn’t help but grin at the old man. Tessa had said her grandfather was a character. Now he believed it. 

“Anyway, we’re glad you’re here, even if it’s for my death. We can see that you actually support Tessy.”

Cedric frowned. “Father.”

“What? The lyrium is going to get me for good this time. We’ve already talked about this. I’m ready, your mother’s ready. It’s going to be fine.” Frederick hacked and took a sip from his water jug with a shrug. 

Cullen was shocked. He didn’t know if he would have been taking this as well if he was in Frederick’s position. 

“Now, make sure to keep your wife under control when they get back. I don’t want poor Cullen to have his balls handed to him by his mother-in-law.”

Cedric snorted and he tried to cover up his laughter and Cullen couldn’t help but smile himself. He could see where Tessa got her laugh. 

“So, Cullen, why did you leave the Templars? I’m curious,” Frederick rasped, beckoning to the chair next to him. 

Cullen moved to that chair and he rubbed the back of his head. “Well…I served at Kirkwall. I saw what was happening there and I didn’t like it. So I left.”

Frederick nodded. “Hm, is it okay if I say that Tessy told me about your part in the Knight-Commander’s arrest?”

Cullen nodded. He told Tessa he was alright with people knowing about Kirkwall. It was Kinloch he didn’t want people knowing about. 

“That’s impressive. I was Knight-Commander at Ostwick before I retired and I know how intimidating that can be. That took a good deal of courage. I’m also impressed you became a Knight-Captain at your age. Usually they’re at least 30. When did you get that position?”

“24, sir.”

“Again, impressive. You must have busted your rump for that. 

“I suppose I did.”

They remained in a comfortable silence. The IV machine beeped and a nurse bustled in and pressed a button on it and she glanced at Cullen for a moment and she quickly did a double take. 

Shit.

“Sorry, but are you on that show-“

“Yes, and my wife is with her family,” Cullen easily replied, trying not to be short with her. She wasn’t the first person to recognize him or Tessa.

The nurse, thankfully, was professional about it. “Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting to see you. My sister loves it and she makes me watch it. She likes you guys the most and we’re both rooting for you.”

Cullen was surprised to hear that. People usually immediately asked if they were planning to stay together.

She turned to Frederick and adjusted some dials on the machine before asking if he needed anything else before she left. Cullen would have to tell Tessa that her grandfather had a good nurse taking care of him. 

“So when did you stop taking it?”

Cullen stiffened. Did Tessa tell him?

“Now, before you start thinking that your wife spilled the beans, she didn’t. I could tell.” Frederick arched a bushy white brow, waiting expectantly. 

Cullen peeked at Cedric out of the corner of his eye and the other man didn’t look concerned. “When I left the order. My superior officer was a Seeker and she has been helping me.”

“Hm, why? The Chantry would have sent you lyrium still.”

Cullen shifted in his chair and licked his lips nervously. He suddenly realized how easy it was to tell Tessa things like this. But, Frederick was a fellow Templar and Cullen tried to focus on that. “I didn’t want any connections to the Templars after I left.”

Frederick nodded in understand. “I see. That was my only concern when I noticed. I was thinking you pissed the Chantry off somehow.”

Cullen snorted. He supposed he could see why Frederick would be concerned about that. It took a good deal to make the Chantry angry at someone. 

“No, I just want to put that in my past and focus on the future.”

Frederick nodded and looked over at his son. “See Cedric? Told you he was a good man.”

Cedric grinned. “I never doubted. I trust Tessy. Convince Madelyne and this all might go smoothly.”

Frederick hacked out a laugh. 

Cullen suddenly put two and two together. Frederick sent all of their wives away so they could talk to him. No wonder Tessa wasn’t worried. 

Right as he had this revelation, the girls all came back with lunch. Tessa plopped down next to him and handed him a chicken sandwich and kettle chips. 

“You and your husband are famous, Tessy. The nurse recognized him,” Frederick laughed right away. 

Tessa’s eyes widened and she looked like a chipmunk with her mouthful of food. She quickly swallowed and looked up at Cullen. “Seriously? Even here?”

Cullen snorted. “She was polite about it. She wished us good luck.”

Tessa’s expression became incredulous. “What? No asking about our love life and what we’re going to tell the experts? That’s a first.”

Frederick cut in. “Nope. She just said good luck and that she and her sister like you two the most.”

Tessa’s eyes widened even more and Cullen saw the playful glint. “What? Why would people like us? We’re boring,” she joked. 

Cullen snickered and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I think they like you, not me.”

“B.S. Do you know how many of the nurses at work tell me how lucky I am to be married to an attractive man? You have a fan club.”

Cullen choked on his bite of sandwich. 

Frederick threw his head back and laughed and Cedric was losing it. Jacklyn was giggling away and even Madelyne looked amused. Cedric was laughing hard enough to have tears in his eyes. 

Cullen finally regained his composure and he frowned at Tessa, who looked smug. 

“So that’s all I am? A pretty ornament for your arm?” he joked. 

Tessa nudged him. “Among other things.”

“See Madelyne, what are you so worried about? He’s there to look pretty,” Frederick laughed. 

Madelyne shook her head, but she was smiling and Cullen took what he could get. 

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Cullen. Frederick did it for years,” Jacklyn added, patting her husband’s arm. 

That made everyone lose it. 

Cullen had expected teasing, but he wasn’t expecting this lighthearted teasing. 

He was just glad his wife was able to smile through it all.

* * *

Tessa was never one who had trouble sleeping. Usually she was out like a light and she slept like a log until she had to wake up or if someone physically shook her. Now…she could do neither. She kept falling asleep and waking up and it would take her forever to sleep again. Usually, it was the warmth she felt from Cullen and his heartbeat that lulled her to sleep. 

Now, it was an ungodly hour in the morning and she just couldn’t go back to sleep. All she could think about was her grandfather. He looked weaker than she ever seen him at the hospital. He was still himself, but she could tell he was struggling to appear the way he did. She saw the slight tremor. She saw the glazed look when he wasn’t actively part of the conversation. His breath reminded her of a rattle occasionally and it made her heart sink when she listened closely. Toward the end of their visit, he had dozed off and when he woke he didn’t know where he was. 

At least he still recognized them. 

Tessa couldn’t stop looking at the IV pump and she even caught a glance at his ECG chart at the nurse’s station. He wasn’t doing well. He might have appeared to be oddly chipper for someone on their deathbed, but she hated how she saw the signs that said otherwise. 

The glazed and confused look she saw in his eyes haunted her. 

Oh Maker, why was this happening? Why did he have to go through this? Why couldn’t he have had a normal life without lyrium? Why did he have to leave her now? She was just beginning to think things were looking up with her career and with Cullen and then this happened. He was being taken away. 

Her heart clenched and she quickly turned away from Cullen and curled up in a ball near the edge of the bed. 

Maker, it was finally hitting her. 

Grandfather wasn’t going to be there for much longer. His bright, shining light was going to be snuffed out and she felt like she didn’t have enough time to thank him and tell him she loved him. 

A soft whimper escaped her lips as she tried to hold back a sob. The lump in her throat grew with every breath and she started to shake. Maker, she couldn’t let Cullen catch her like this. He was already being so great about everything by coming up with her and being the reassuring hand she could hold. 

She had to be strong too and she wondered how she could possibly do it. 

Her whole body was trembling now at the thought. Maker, she always called her grandfather when she needed reassurance and strength. What was she going to do when he wasn’t there?

What was she going to do?

She knew this was silly. She and her family had been expecting this for years and they knew it would happen eventually. That didn’t make her feel better. 

A warm hand settled on her shoulder, pulling her out of her spiraling thoughts and she refused to look over her shoulder at Cullen. 

“Tess?”

She didn’t react, hoping he would go back to sleep. Her body kept shaking as she tried to keep her sobs in. 

“Tess.”

Her heart sunk even further when he scooted closer to her, pressing his chest against her back as he wrapped his arm around her and slid his other underneath her pillow. 

Warm lips pressed to her shoulder and she couldn’t stop a sob from escaping her. 

“Let it out, Tess,” Cullen whispered against her skin, tightening his hold around her. 

It felt as if the floodgates were released and she finally let go as his soft words washed over her. She clutched at his hand and her sobs finally escaped. She buried her face in the pillow to hide her tears. 

“I don’t want him to go,” she managed to croak. 

“I know.”

Time ceased to exist as the waves pulled her under and she finally stopped fighting it. 

Cullen’s warm embrace kept her a little grounded and she tried to focus on it as her tears flowed. It felt as if all of the pressure she felt in her throat and chest was slowly being let out and she could fully breathe again. 

When her tears finally stopped, she forced herself to turn around. Cullen was still awake and he wasn’t looking at her with pity, like she expected. She saw understanding. That was all she saw in the early dawn night. Her heart swelled with gratitude and she didn’t know what to say. 

She rested her forehead against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you,” she mumbled. Those words didn’t feel adequate, but she didn’t know what else to say. 

He nodded and he started to rub circles into her back. 

She plucked at the back of his shirt, not knowing what to say. For some reason, she felt she had to give an explanation or a reason, but he didn’t push or say anything. He just held her. 

“We have a few hours before we have to get up, try to get some sleep,” he finally mumbled, pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

Tessa’s heart started to swell again and warmth spread through her. Tears started to spring into her eyes for a different reason now. 

She loved him.

A different kind of wave was washing over her now and she gladly let it sweep her away. Her bottom lip started to quiver and she pulled her hand back to wipe her face. 

Cullen’s grip around her tightened and his brow pinched in concern. 

“I’m fine,” she managed to squeak. 

“Tess.”

Maker, _no one_ called her that but him. To everyone else, she was Tessa or Tessy (or Tessaroo in Marian’s case). And the way his voice would drop and soften when he did say it…

“I’m just tired. I’m sorry,” she mumbled, burying her face into his chest. Maker, just because she realized she loved him didn’t mean she could tell him yet. 

She really shouldn’t now, considering where they were and why they were here. And she knew he cared for her, but did he love her? 

Well, she had three more months to figure it out because of the show. 

She decided to push those thoughts aside and focus on what was happening now and remembered that Cullen was going to finally meet Gavin and Jonathan, since Jonathan never picked them up last night. 

Maker, she hoped her husband was ready.


	13. Loss

Things started to turn for the worse a few days later. 

Tessa was constantly at the hospital now with her family and both of them decided it was best if Cullen stayed at her parent’s house. 

All the Trevelyans in a room was crowded enough. 

Cullen wasn’t the only one there. There was Jonathan’s wife, Kate, and Gavin’s girlfriend, Josephine. 

When Tessa wasn’t there, Cullen explored. He studied the pictures of her younger self and he couldn’t help but smile. He wasn’t surprised by anything he saw. There were pictures of her with her brothers, but his favorites were the ones when she didn’t know she was being photographed. 

There was one of her on a palomino pony, laughing and her hair flying wildly. He guessed she was around 10 in that picture. There was another of her reading beneath a tree, she was only a little girl in that one. Her dolls were spread out around her and she appeared to be reading to them. His personal favorite was the one of her reading in the tree. She had to be around 11 or 12 in that one.

“Jon was really into photography back in the day.”

Cullen jumped and looked over his shoulder at Kate, who was smiling kindly. 

“He was?”

Kate stepped further into the drawing room and she gestured to more pictures of the other Trevelyans. “Oh yes, he said he loved taking pictures like this. People just living. He does it to me all the time.”

Cullen noticed how most of the ones of Frederick were of him sitting in his office, smoking a pipe and reading the paper. Many of Jacklyn were of her in the kitchen with an elven woman, cooking. Cedric was found with a book often and Madelyne always seemed to be moving or working. 

Oliver was always in sports gear and Gavin was usually with Tessa, acting like a white knight by the looks of it. 

Cullen almost felt like he was in a movie as he looked at the photos. This was a completely different world from what he grew up in. In all of the pictures, he saw the things his father used to sneer at. Aaron hated the thought of old money.

He saw the extravagant lifestyle he could only dream about seeing or living. The Trevelyan’s house in general could probably hold the house he grew up in, the barn, and his current apartment. 

Tessa didn’t talk about this part of her past. 

He never would have thought she grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth. Her character and personality screamed the opposite. Cullen inwardly berated himself. He should know better than judge someone because of this. The Trevelyans obviously raised their children well and from what Tessa told him, she only had trouble when her mother wanted her to dress up. 

“There you two are!”

Cullen turned to see Josephine peeking around the entry into the drawing room. A bright smile was on her face. 

“Cullen, I want to show you something, since both you and Tessa mentioned you didn’t watch the show,” her accented voice chirped. 

Cullen’s stomach dropped to the floor. There was a reason he and Tessa refused to watch the show. “Josephine, I really don’t think-“

“You aren’t a little curious?” Josephine asked, head tilting. Dark tendrils of her hair swayed with the action. 

“No.”

“I don’t want to show you an episode, I want to show you a special clip they did on you and Tessa specifically. It shows your interviews and the experts are saying what they think.”

Cullen was skeptical, but he felt he didn’t have a choice on the matter. 

Josephine dragged him into the kitchen, where her laptop was perched on the counter island. Cullen honestly thought Josephine was nice and he liked her, but he was feeling the complete opposite at the moment. She forced him into the bar stool and she took her place in the one next to him. Kate settled down in the one on his other side. 

The YouTube video’s title was, ‘SEASON 4 HIGHLIGHTS: CULLEN AND TESSA’. 

Cullen felt sick. It seemed unreal, seeing his and Tessa’s name up on a YouTube video of all things. The other nauseating factor about all of this was the fact it had over 700,000 views. And the number kept going up as he stared at it. 

Josephine pressed play and the narrator for the show started setting up the scene. They went over Cullen’s life. About how he grew up in Ferelden and served as a Templar and how he was now in Haven working as a detective. Cullen kept curling his lip at how the camera had slowly roved over him from head to toe in the video clip they were showing with it. 

Then they went over Tessa’s life. How she grew up in one of the richest families in the Free Marches and how she moved to the Circle at the age of 12. Then they showed pictures of her from her college days and then a video clip of her at work started to play. 

Maker, she was beautiful. 

The video zoomed in on her face right as she smiled at a patient and his heart thudded in response. 

He had it bad, and he didn’t find himself caring. 

“Now what do our experts think of this classic duo? Will the Templar and Mage beat all odds and find love? Will the Ferelden farm boy and the Free Marcher rich girl get along? Or will their differences get in the way?”

Cullen’s lip curled at the questions. Those weren’t even issues in their relationship! He had a feeling he was going to end up throwing the laptop if he kept watching. 

“Josephine—“

“Shh! This is the part I wanted you to see!”

Cullen turned his attention back to the laptop and he arched a brow at the ‘experts’ he remembered interviewing with. 

There was Mother Giselle, who he felt most comfortable with there, she was the religious expert. Then there was Dr. Morrigan. She made his skin crawl because she seemed to be able to look straight through you. Then there was a Dr. Harel, a bald elven man who had the same quality, but was less severe with it. Then there was another elven man who was the ‘sexologist’. Cullen didn’t even know those existed and the man flirted with him most of the time. Dr. Arainai was on his list of people he never wanted to meet again. 

“I think they both have the mindset to go through with this,” Mother Giselle was saying, “They both have caring personalities and they put others before themselves. I believe this will be important when they start growing closer to each other.”

The narrator cocked his head. “When? Not if?”

Mother Giselle just smiled. “Yes. When. I know they’ll grow closer to each other. I am certain of it.”

Dr. Arainai was next to speak. “These two are obviously gorgeous. And they’re both shy and take sex seriously so that will play out when it plays out. It will be interesting to see how that part of their relationship will go…if it does in the six months we do this. It may take longer and that’s okay for some people.”

Then came Dr. Morrigan and Dr. Harel. 

“They both know what it is like in a Circle, but they also know what it means to be out of it and to be living away from that lifestyle. And we think she’ll be…understanding enough, for him” Morrigan paused and Cullen could just tell she was thinking about how he told them he had trauma and withdrawal. He felt they had to have known about that if they were going to match him with someone. He was still surprised they kept their promise not to broadcast that part of his life. 

Dr. Harel cleared his throat. “All in all, we think this couple will be one of the ones that will definitely succeed.”

“Which is surprising, coming from our skeptical psychologist. Not even he could see something going wrong,” Arainai laughed. 

The camera zoomed away from them and started showing clips from the show. There was a clip of him and Tessa dancing at their wedding. He grinned at the sight. Maker, she really was beautiful in that dress. He wished he had the same feelings then that he had now so he could appreciate it more. 

Then there was a clip of their honeymoon in Dunwidge. There was a point when Tessa convinced him to wade out into the sea with her and the clip ended with him picking her up and leaping into the water, her shrieking with laughter. 

Then, their first official date. It showed when Tessa flicked a carrot shaving at him and he tossed a piece of celery back while they made the stew they weren’t supposed to be making. 

Then, their fight showed up for maybe two seconds and Cullen felt his gut clench when he saw how angry and haggard he looked. 

Then it showed them making up and Cullen’s heart sunk when he saw him holding her hands and her trying not to cry. Maker, he was going to spend every moment trying to make that up to her. She didn’t deserve his frustration from then. 

“Will this Templar and Mage match end up working out for the best? Our experts think so. But what about them?”

Oh no, Cullen remembered these interviews. 

“So, what do you think?” they asked him. It was right after the wedding and Cullen thought he looked like a lovesick puppy.

Cullen watched himself blush and rub the back of his head, and look toward the side. The camera tilted, following his gaze, showing Tessa going through a similar interview about 30 feet away. “I’m thinking she’s out of my league,” he mumbled. 

“What were you thinking when you first saw her?”

“That I was dreaming.”

The video then switched to Tessa. Maker, she really was beautiful that day. “So, what did you think when you first saw him?” the interviewer asked her.

Tessa bit her lip as she smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “That there was no way they matched me with someone that good looking,” she laughed. 

“What did you think of the kiss?”

Her cheeks turned pink and she only smiled. 

Maker, she was adorable. 

Then it switched to the next interview. It happened shortly after their visit to Southreach. The cameramen and the interviewer had cornered him at work. 

Cullen’s face showed up on the screen. He was sitting at the desk, looking slightly annoyed as he pushed his paperwork to where the cameras couldn’t see it. 

“So, how do you think your relationship is going?”

Cullen watched his brows pinch on the screen and he almost laughed. Shite, how did he ever sign up for this? 

“It’s going great.”

“Did you ever think you would be married to a mage? Are you ever afraid of her?”

The Cullen on the YouTube video sat up straighter and he glared at the camera. “No, I could never be afraid of her. She’s quickly becoming one of the kindest people I know,” he quipped. 

Cullen remembered feeling offended _for_ Tessa. How dare they think she would be a danger to anyone? 

“And no, I never imagined being married to a mage, but I was never more glad to be wrong,” he admitted on the video, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Josephine giggled and tapped his shoulder. “You both are cute. You’ll like what she says.”

The interviewer then asked the last question that almost had Cullen kicking them out of his office. “So, the experts have noticed you two haven’t had sex yet? Is that a problem?”

“It’s none of your bloody business,” he snapped. 

Cullen couldn’t help but feel smug. They basically scrambled out of his office after that one. He supposed he could be intimidating when he wanted to be. 

Then, it was Tessa’s turn. They looked like they were in their apartment and she was sitting at the counter island with a mug of tea. He saw her use her magic to heat it up without even thinking and he couldn’t help but grin. Tessa rarely used her magic for anything outside of work. She used it if she needed to clean something in a hurry, warm up a mug of tea, or to help something electronic start. He did notice that she liked to do tricks for children though.

“Do you think you and Cullen will be together after the experiment is over?” the interviewer asked. 

Tessa bit her lip in thought before she smiled bashfully down at her mug. “Yes? I mean, we still have a few months left, but I think we will. It will be something we’ll have to talk about of course.”

Cullen felt his heart swell at the answer and he wished she was here so he could tell her the same. 

“Does he ever seem nervous when you use magic?”

Tessa’s brow pinched as her face scrunched up in confusion. “No, he hasn’t. Why would that be an issue?”

Maker’s breath, he loved how they thought the same thing about so many things. 

“Have you ever imagined marrying a Templar?”

Her face turned thoughtful again and she started to play with the tag on her bag of tea. “No, I never did. But even if he was still a member of the Order, I wouldn’t regret it. He’s a good man and I know he was a _good_ Templar in the Circle. I feel safe around him, and that’s how it should be. Anyway, we don’t really see ourselves in that light, at least I don’t. To me, he’s just Cullen, my husband. I hope he doesn’t just see me as a Circle Mage. That would make things awkward.”

Cullen’s throat closed up. She felt safe around _him_. An ex-Templar going through lyrium withdrawal and who has nightmares. She felt safe around _him_ , whose hands shook some mornings when it was hitting him hard. She felt _safe_ , and she thought he was a good man even before he left the Circle. 

And she was so much more than just a Circle Mage. She was a nurse who truly cared about the people in her care. She was the one he knew who would understand when his withdrawal was too much. She was the kind gaze he needed when he woke from his nightmares. 

Maker, she was becoming his everything. 

The video clip ended and Cullen didn’t know what to think. He knew what he said in the interviews, but he never thought about what she said. 

And these thoughts didn’t help him notice the ‘cat ate the canary’ look on both Josephine and Kate’s faces. 

“Well, what do you think?” Josephine asked, perching her chin innocently in her hands. 

Kate leaned forward eagerly and Cullen knew he was trapped. “I—er—didn’t know she thought that way. Thank you, Josie.”

The door opened and closed and Cullen’s salvation arrived in the form of Tessa and her brothers. 

“Tessy! Come watch this!” Josephine chirped, grinning mischievously at Cullen. 

Tessa arched a curious brow and she set her coat and scarf on the dining room table before stepping close to the counter. She rested her arm around Cullen’s shoulders and leaned against him. “What is it?”

The fact she did the action so casually caused Cullen’s heart to race. 

Josephine replayed the video and Cullen carefully watched Tessa’s face. She blushed and pecked his cheek during the first interview they showed. “Still think you’re dreaming?” she whispered in his ear. 

That should **_not_** have caused shivers to run down his spine. “Sometimes,” he admitted. 

Then the second interview played. “Maker, I think you scared them,” she laughed as the video went to her part of the interview. 

Cullen shrugged. “First they called you a scary mage and then they wanted to know about that part of our lives. I wasn’t in a good mood.”

She shook her head in amusement and rested her head against his. 

“Well, since we were basically ordered home,” Jonathan cut in, moving into the kitchen. “I think we all should do something fun. Like make a home cooked meal or something.”

Oliver let out a bark of laughter. “Jon, none of us knows how to cook.”

Jonathan wiggled his eyebrows. “I beg to differ.” He gestured to Cullen and Cullen knew he wasn’t escaping from this one either. 

“Tessy tells us you’re quite the home cook, Cully,” he laughed, with a wink. His dark blue eyes twinkled with mirth. He flicked his reddish-gold, unruly bangs from his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Kate.

If it was anyone else calling him that, Cullen probably would have scowled at them. But Jonathan was a teaser and the clown of the family so Cullen didn’t mind as much. “I know enough to get by.”

“I say we have a pasta night,” Gavin suggested, wrapping an arm around Josephine’s shoulders. His unruly tuft of red-gold hair on top of his head stuck up in odd angles and his bright blue eyes crinkled at the corners as Josephine pecked his cheek. 

Soon, everyone started bustling around, either getting ingredients for sauce or sticking pasta in a pot. And then there was Oliver, who went and got four bottles of wine from the cellar. 

Cullen found himself next to Tessa, who was obeying his instructions to make Alfredo sauce. She leaned against him a little as she stirred the milk in the pot. Cullen dumped the cheese in and stared at her for a moment. Something was wrong. She looked deep in thought and she finally looked up at him. 

“It might happen tonight,” she mumbled, glancing to see if her brothers were in earshot. 

They were all arguing over who would stir the pasta and Josephine was calming them down. Kate just giggled at the side. 

Cullen took the wooden spoon from her hand and set it to the side. He wrapped his arms around her, resting his cheek on top of her head. 

She was trembling and he knew she was trying to keep her composure. After a few moments, she pulled away and smiled up at him. “Thank you, for everything.”

Cullen’s heart swelled and he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “I’m here for you, Tess.”

Her smile grew wider and he couldn’t help it. He stooped down and kissed her. 

“Oi! No snogging around the sauce!” Oliver barked with a laugh. 

Tessa pulled away and stuck her tongue out at her brother. “At least I have someone to snog, Ol,” she retorted. 

“At least I’m not on TV,” he joked. 

Tessa put her hands on her hips and she frowned at him. 

Jon and Gavin were trying to compose themselves, but they couldn’t stop their laughter. 

Cullen’s eyes widened when he felt Tessa’s energy build up and a sharp crack sounded through the air before anyone could react. 

All of her brothers’ hair was standing on end and Cullen could still see the purple sparks of lightning magic fading from the ends. 

He couldn’t help it. He started laughing. Soon, he was bent over the counter, trying to control himself and he heard Josephine and Kate having the same problem. 

“Next time, I’m using ice,” Tessa quipped. 

None of them teased her the rest of the night.

* * *

The dreaded phone call came at three in the morning. 

Tessa couldn’t sleep again and she had spent most of her night plucking at the front of Cullen’s shirt. She felt horrible every time he woke up, but he persistently told her he didn’t mind. They spent most of the night talking about dinner and the video Josephine forced them to watch. 

“I mean, it makes me a little curious now and I want to watch the show, but I know that’s a bad idea,” Tessa was saying. 

Cullen shifted closer to her, forcing her to crane her neck to look up at his face. “I feel the same way…did you really mean what you said in the second part of the interviews?”

Tessa grinned and buried her face into the front of his shirt. “Yes,” she squeaked. Maker, why was she embarrassed? 

She peeked up at him, despite the fact she knew she really couldn’t see him. “What about you?”

“I meant every word.”

She nuzzled her nose into his neck, slowly moving her way up until she could feel his lips and she gave him a kiss. She could feel his lips quirk into a smile against her lips. 

The moment was ruined when her phone started to ring. Her heart dropped and she rolled across the bed to where her phone was sitting on the bedside table. 

Her heart dropped even more when she saw it was her father. 

She quickly answered it and moved to sit on the side of the bed. “Hello?”

“Tessy…he’s gone,” her father said, sounding weary. 

Tessa’s throat closed up and a choked sob left her. Her whole body felt like it was encased in ice and she felt like throwing up. She quickly covered her mouth to try to stop any more sobs from escaping. She felt the bed shift behind her as Cullen moved to wrap his arms around her. 

“He went peacefully,” he continued, trying to sound reassuring. 

Tessa was glad to hear it was peaceful. Most lyrium deaths involved seizures and heart failure and that was usually after the ‘lyrium madness’ set in. Most of the Templars the trauma center got didn’t even know who they were because of it. 

Her grandfather only had the heart failure part. 

“Do you need any of us to come up there?”

“No, no, stay home…we’ll be back in a little bit. Mother Rochelle is going to come by so she can start planning the service for the funeral. She wants us all to be there to tell us about him.” Cedric paused and he let out a tired laugh, “Tessy, he said he was proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished. He believes in you two. I can’t help but agree with him, pumpkin.”

Tessa’s throat closed up even more and a whimper escaped from her. She clutched at Cullen’s hand as she tried control her sobs. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Try to sleep a little bit more, pumpkin. It’s almost over.”

They both hung up and Tessa’s phone slipped from her hand. The grief hit her like a punch to the face and she couldn’t stop her tears. 

Grandfather wasn’t suffering anymore, but he was finally gone. 

She knew he would have hated to see her like this. He would have told her to be happy, just like he did when she found out she had to go to the Circle. She felt her whole life was falling apart when her magic appeared, but he helped her see the new possibilities and beginnings in front of her. 

Now, she felt that she was out of control and her life was falling apart again and she tried to focus on the feeling she had when Grandfather gave her that advice. 

She knew this was coming, and she dealt with death more than anyone, being a trauma nurse. That didn’t make this any better.

“Get some shoes on.”

Tessa wiped her eyes and glanced at Cullen, who had his chin perched on her shoulder. 

“What?”

“Get some shoes on. I’ll grab your coat.”

Tessa was too tired to argue. She sluggishly pulled on her boots and scarf and she let Cullen help her slip on her coat. He soon was in the same attire and she found herself stepping outside five minutes later. 

She almost halted in her tracks when he started to lead her toward the stables. 

The Trevelyans still made quite a bit of money from raising and selling horses for shows, and Tessa couldn’t believe she never made time to visit the horses the whole time she was here. 

“There was a picture of you on a horse in the house, is that horse still here?” he asked, opening the barn door for her. 

Tessa stepped in, basking in the warmth. Cullen followed behind her. 

Tessa looked at all of the stalls, hoping to see the familiar palomino hair of her pony, Blossom. Her mother said she was still here. 

She finally saw her toward the area they kept the older horses they used for kid’s classes and she started to make her way toward the stall. “Why did you bring me out here?” she asked, glancing at her husband. 

Cullen sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing wayward locks off of his forehead. “When…when my parents died, I went to the Chantry in Kinloch. It was right after the rebellion and I thought the Maker had it out for me. The mother there told me to do something that didn’t have anything to do with the Templars when I felt like it was too much, so I started a little garden in my windowsill. You said you used to ride so…” he trailed off, giving her a hopeful look. 

Maker, he probably understood how she was feeling more than anyone. She couldn’t believe she forgot that he lost his parents at such a young age. They stopped at Blossom’s stall and the old mare lifted her head as Tessa clicked her tongue. It had been a year since she visited her parent’s and she tried to make it a habit to come out and see the old pony. 

Blossom whickered and stepped closer to the stall door, butting her head against Tessa’s outstretched hand. “Hello,” Tessa replied softly, feeling the icy feeling from before slowly disappearing. Looking at Blossom was like looking at an old friend.

She looked over at Cullen and she beckoned to him. “Come here. You need to meet my first best friend.”

Cullen grinned and moved to her side, reaching up and petting along Blossom’s jaw. “Blossom, this is Cullen,” she said softly, running her fingers through the little bit of mane that always settled on Blossom’s forehead. 

The mare turned her head, nudging Cullen’s arm with a whicker. She lipped at the sleeve of his coat and whickered again. Tessa giggled and leaned against Cullen. He wrapped his arm around her with a chuckle. “She thinks you have a treat.”

“So, did you ride in shows or was that just your brothers?” Cullen asked. 

“No, I did too. I never got that far because I had to go to the Circle, but I was told Blossom and I did well in the beginner shows.” 

They stood in front of the stall, just petting the mare in silence. Tessa was surprised to find that the overwhelming grief she felt before was slowly disappearing. She knew it would come back at full force at times, but she was grateful for this moment. 

“Thank you, again,” she said quietly, turning to give Cullen a proper hug. 

Cullen wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rested his cheek against the top of her head. Tessa couldn’t help but feel butterflies in her stomach when he did that. “Anytime…I know how hard it is. I know he was important to you.”

Tessa pulled back a little so she could look up at him. “You know, you remind me of him in some ways.”

Cullen arched a brow. “How so?”

Biting her lip, Tessa started to play with the collar of his coat. “Well, he always told me he just wanted to protect people when he was a Templar. He would always preach about how protecting the mages was a Templar’s first duty. You’re the same.”

“Tess, I let horrible things happen at—“

“But you joined so you could help people in the first place, and that never left you. You were hurting before and after Kirkwall and you’re only human. And you ended up helping every single mage there in the end. You’re a good man,” Tessa insisted. 

Cullen never lied about how he felt and what he let happen when he was at Kirkwall. She saw the guilt whenever he talked about it. She had to admit that it bothered her a little right after he told her the gritty details of Kirkwall shortly after their fight, but she found herself seeing why he acted the way he did. While it didn’t fully excuse what he did, she saw that he was trying to make up for it. 

And she _hated_ how he didn’t see what she saw. 

Maker, she wished she could help him see what she saw in him, but she didn’t know how. 

As their gazes met, she saw tears glazing over his eyes and he quickly reached up and wiped at his eyes before wrapping his arms around her again. “Maker’s breath, I really don’t deserve you,” he shakily laughed. 

Tessa tightened her hold around him and shook her head in amusement. Maker, she desperately wanted to tell him she loved him right then and there. But it was four in the morning and her grandfather just died. Both of them were physically and emotionally tired. 

Now was _not_ the time. 

But her heart was fluttering erratically in her chest and her whole body felt like it was tingling when he pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

Maker, she wanted to tell him. 

A soft smile came to his lips and his eyes looked like warm whiskey as they crinkled up at the corners. 

She hoped the time she could tell him would come soon.


	14. Lace

The ceremony for the funeral was short and to the point, which was what Frederick would have wanted, according to Tessa. 

The Templars from the nearby embassy came and gave their respects and gave Jacklyn a folded up Templar flag. 

Cullen had to fight back tears the whole time. All of it reminded him of the services they held for every Templar and mage that died at Kinloch. The only thing that kept him grounded was Tessa’s hand in his. Tears had fell down her face multiple times during the funeral, but other than that, she didn’t make a peep. 

Cullen found himself brushing her tears away more than once and he wished he could do more for her. At the reception, there was a potluck from the members of the local Chantry Frederick and Jacklyn went to and Cullen and Tessa soon found themselves surrounded by…fans?

Many of the old ladies clucked over them and tried to give them marriage advice. 

Some of the old men approached him and told him he was lucky and how to ‘properly’ take care of her. 

Cullen was glad he was raised in this Age instead of the Iron Age. 

“Did you just hear them? They said I had to learn how to cook better because it was my duty to you,” Tessa huffed with a laugh, shaking her head. 

Cullen shook his head in amusement and his mood instantly plummeted when he saw a familiar cameraman and reporter from the show heckling Gavin and Josephine. 

“Maker’s breath,” he cursed.

“What?”

Cullen pointed and he almost jumped when Tessa’s magical energy flared up. “Why are they bothering my family?! We need to get them out.” Sparks were starting to fly from her fingertips and Cullen could feel her skin starting to heat up. 

If Cullen knew one thing about his wife, it was that she had impeccable control of her magic. Her magic rarely flared up with her emotions. He didn’t blame her for losing control now. 

“I’ll handle it,” Cullen growled. 

Cullen didn’t know how the law went in the Free Marches, but he knew those men couldn’t be here without his or Tessa’s permission. That was in the contract, after all. 

His blood boiled more when he could hear the questions they were asking his brother-in-law.

“And what do you think of Cullen?”

“I think he wouldn’t appreciate your sorry arses being here.”

Cullen knew he liked Gavin for a reason. “He’s right. Did you two receive permission from my wife to be here?”

The interviewer and the cameraman jumped and they both faced Cullen. 

“Cullen, is it alright if we ask-“

“No. Leave.”

“But-“

“This family is grieving and you are disrespecting them by coming in here and bringing the focus to us. You can ask your questions when we go home. Now leave, or I’ll make you leave and you won’t like that option.”

Cullen towered over the tiny reporter and Gavin did the same. 

The reporter glanced between the two of them and decided to take his chances elsewhere. 

“Fine.”

Cullen personally escorted the two out and he had to stop himself from slamming the door afterward. 

“Don’t look now, but you might want to stop my sister from doing something stupid,” Gavin said, gesturing toward where he left Tessa. 

Cullen looked and his mood plummeted even more. Two Templars were talking to her now and he knew why they were bothering her. “Shit.”

“I felt her magic too. She was probably getting ready to short circuit the poor asshole’s camera,” Gavin growled, crossing his arms. “You’d think they would relax and not do their job at a funeral. Maker knows I don’t.”

Cullen strode toward his wife, wondering what else could possibly go wrong today. 

“I did not cast a spell and you two would obviously know that if you did your jobs!” Tessa was arguing. 

“You still have not been able to give us a viable reason as to why you were getting ready to cast,” the brutish Templar in front of her accused. 

“She was helping me with a headache,” Cullen interrupted, pushing his way to Tessa’s side. He put his arm around her and gave the two men a hard look. “She’s a nurse and she has perfect control of her magic. And I don’t feel the presence of any demons and I know you two don’t either.”

“Who are you?” the other Templar sneered, staring down his nose at Cullen. 

“I’m Cullen Rutherford, former Knight-Captain of Kirkwall. And I can tell you right now that my wife is not a danger to anyone,” Cullen growled. 

Both men’s eyes widened and he guessed they recognized him. Maker knows how many times he appeared next to Meredith’s side when she would make an announcement on TV. Templars in Haven recognized him all the time. 

“Fine,” the bigger of the two huffed, pulling his partner away. 

Both he and Tessa sighed and Tessa leaned against him. “I can’t wait to go home.”

“Me neither.”

“What else can go wrong today?” she groaned, wrapping an arm around his waist. 

“We get more marriage advice?”

Tessa laughed wearily and she pinched his side. “Maker forbid.”

Cullen grinned when his mood started to lift again. Her laugh, even when it was tired, was enough to lift his spirits. He pondered over what happened a couple nights ago when Frederick died. He knew he couldn’t tell her how he truly felt while she was grieving, but he would be damned if he didn’t tell her soon. 

Cullen started to devise a plan in his head. He supposed a homemade dinner with candles could work…no, this was much too important. He would take her out somewhere nice and say it. 

He held his wife closer to him as his resolve grew. 

He was determined to never let her go.

* * *

Going home and going back to her normal routine felt strange. 

Tessa was constantly reminded of Grandfather at work. She almost broke down when an elderly Templar came in with ‘lyrium madness’ and she had to step away and let Wynne handle the patient. It even hurt a month later. She was getting better and she knew she would move on eventually, but it didn’t mean it was easy. 

As her grief was slowly went away, another problem arose in her life. 

There was only two months left of the experiment and she knew she had to tell Cullen how she felt soon if they were going to stay together. She desperately hoped he felt the same and it would all work out in the end. 

For the first time since the beginning of her marriage, she went to Wynne for advice. 

She found the older nurse in the break room and she took a deep breath before saying, “I need help.”

Wynne looked up at her over her glasses, putting the report she was reading down. “What is it?”

Tessa plopped down in the chair next to her and leaned her head against her hand. “I think I love Cullen, but I don’t know how to tell him or if he even feels the same.”

Wynne’s eyes twinkled with mirth for a second. “Dear, you have nothing to worry about.”

“But-“

“Watch an episode. Watch how he looks at you.”

Tessa arched an incredulous brow. “You can tell just by seeing how he looks at me?”

“Do you want me to get poetic or give a cryptic, wise sounding answer for you to ponder? I’m just telling you what I see, dear,” the old woman chuckled, “That’s why everyone loves you two the most. Though, that Tevinter man and Qunari are an interesting pair too. I think they’ll stay together.”

“So, what should I do? Should I just tell him?”

Wynne shrugged. “Just tell him when it feels right. You can’t exactly plan something like that,” she stated, grin growing wider. 

Tessa bit her lip and sighed, resting her forehead against the table. “Maker’s breath, Wynne, I know he cares about me but I’m still nervous. I don’t know if he actually, you know, loves me.” 

Wynne’s eyes twinkled even more before she pulled out her cell phone. She pulled up a video and she handed her phone to Tessa. “Just watch.”

Tessa rolled her eyes and held the phone, focusing on the video playing on the screen. 

To her surprise, it was showing her and Cullen’s recent date to the nearby aquarium. 

They still tried to keep their ‘treat this whole thing like dating’ ruse up, but now it was just an excuse to spend time together. 

She saw herself stop at a tank full of fish from the seas near Seheron and her throat closed up when she looked at Cullen, who was standing next to her. The camera zoomed in on their faces and Cullen’s expression made her heart start to flutter in her chest. He wasn’t even looking at the fish, he was looking at her with an expression that made her feel like goo inside. 

Maker, did he really look at her like that when she wasn’t looking at him? 

The clip changed to a video of them sitting at home, sitting next to each other on the couch. She was reading an article about a treatment update she had to learn about and was curled up in a ball against him as she read. He had his arm around her and was watching TV. He would occasionally look away from the TV and look at her and the expression from before came back. 

Maker, she was stupid. How did she not notice this?

Wynne plucked her phone from her hands and tucked it back into her scrubs pocket. “Now, what do you think?”

“That I’m stupid.”

“Don’t feel bad, dear. Men like showing how they feel more than saying it.” 

Tessa bit her lip, thinking about all the things Cullen had been doing for her lately. 

She started to find lunch already packed for her in the morning, since he was leaving earlier to work on a case recently. She found a new book occasionally waiting for her on the kitchen counter. She would sometimes get a text from him telling her that he was thinking about her and hoped her day was going well. 

Her cheeks started to grow warmer when she thought about the things they had been doing off camera too. 

The way he kissed her was slowly becoming more and more passionate and heated. She found herself down to her smalls in bed more than once after things got carried away in bed. She could tell he was a good lover. The fact he could make her reach that edge without even trying was proof enough. Maybe…maybe that was the step she had to take with him. She trusted him and she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. And she loved him, why wouldn’t she want to share everything with him?

“Thank you, Wynne, I think I have my answers.”

“Good, I’m glad you’re happy dear.”

Tessa went about the rest of her day with her plan. She had some lingerie Marian had given to her as a joke on her 21st birthday. And she had to admit that she looked pretty damn good in it. 

She stopped by the store and bought a bottle of Ferelden wine and she hurried home after work. Cullen had been getting home after her more and more lately and she hoped this day wasn’t different. She needed time to prepare. 

She got home and dug into the very bottom of her dresser and found the lingerie crumpled in a ball at the very back of the drawer. She bit her lip as she held it up against herself. It was a dark, emerald green that went well with her skin and hair. The lacy chemise was a baby doll style and the green hem was all lace. She couldn’t believe she was considering wearing this. It didn’t leave much to imagination. 

But, she found herself wanting Cullen to see her in it. She wanted to see how he would react and see that he wanted her. 

She quickly hopped in the shower to wash the day away from her skin and she hesitated when she was done. Tessa then realized she didn’t own any special perfume, but Cullen never seemed to notice things like that. She put on lotion to calm her nerves. She quickly checked her face for any zits she might have to cover up. She put on even more makeup than she had on in the first place. She let her hair air dry, pleased that it was looking good and she finally pulled on the matching bra and panties. 

Damn, she looked…she didn’t know what to think. 

She never imagined herself as someone who was particularly capable of seduction. She was too awkward for it. She made a note to herself to get more underwear like this. She played with the hem of the lace chemise, biting her lip as it tickled her skin.

Tessa had never felt more attractive in her life and she hoped the breath was going to get knocked out of Cullen’s lungs when he saw her in this. 

She heard the front door start to unlock and she quickly pulled on a robe. Her heart started to hammer in her chest as she tied it shut. Maker, she knew she wanted this, but would she be ready for if they got started? 

Well, there was only one way to find out. 

She stepped out of their bedroom and slowly made their way down the hallway. She peeked around the corner and she grinned when she saw Cullen inspecting the bottle of wine on the counter. 

“Hello,” she said, stepping from her hiding place. 

Cullen looked up and he gave her a warm smile. “Hello.”

She stepped to his side and gave him a hug. Maker, her heart was pounding even more now. The fact he had no idea what she had on underneath was making her blood simmer. 

“How was your day?” she asked, reaching up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. She made sure to drag her body against his as much as possible. She knew about some tricks. She read romance books and she was best friends with both Eryn and Marian, who weren’t exactly secretive about their sex lives. 

Maker, he was so tall and strong and she always felt it when he touched or held her. It was effecting her more now than it ever did. Desire was already beginning to pool in her belly at the thought.

Cullen sighed and wiped a hand down his face. “Horrible. This case is…effecting me more than I thought it would.”

Tessa doubted everything she planned and she started to inwardly panic, every ounce of heat she felt instantly dissolved. Shit, he probably wouldn’t want to do anything if he was in a bad mood or tired. Her mind started to reel and think of ways she could possibly sneak back into their room and change. She squeaked in surprise when he hugged her close and rested his forehead on her shoulder. 

“I know I shouldn’t complain. We are going to solve it, but—“ he paused and straightened up again, looking her in the eye. He traced the backs of his fingers across one of her cheeks and her breath hitched with the action. 

“But, what?” she asked, tilting her head. 

“I just…a lot of the victims in our recent case are young married women and, I just keep imagining how those husbands must feel now that I know what it’s like to be married and…” he trailed off and shrugged, “I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.”

Tessa’s heart swelled and she smiled. She wondered how she could have possibly doubted his feelings for her when he said things like that. She reached up and cupped his cheek, running her thumb along his scar. It was quickly becoming one of her favorite things to do. 

He turned his head to the side and pressed his lips to the inside of her wrist, causing a shiver to run through her body. His eyes met hers and Tessa was lost. Cullen’s stare was intense and focused solely on her and her body thrummed in response.

Giving into the heat spreading through her, she reached up on the tips of her toes again and wrapped her arms around his neck. She pressed a tender, deep kiss to his lips, tilting her head and cupping his cheek as she slid her tongue along his bottom lip. 

Her breath was stolen from her lungs when he kissed her back and held her close to him, pressing every inch of her against him. 

Tessa took a leap of faith and started to nip at his bottom lip before pressing kisses to his scar. She shivered when he let out a soft groan and his hands started to drift down toward her hips. “What is the wine for?” Cullen asked against her lips before claiming them again. 

Feeling bolder than she had in a long time, Tessa stepped back from him. 

“Well,” she paused and studied him from head to toe. Maker, the way he was looking at her made her feel powerful, delectable, _desired_. His amber eyes were dark and hungry as he stared at her. His lips were parted and Tessa found her eyes straying toward his scar. His hair was a little mussed and he was breathing quickly. 

His shirt was unbuttoned at the top, revealing a small expanse of skin and chest hair and framing the strong column of his throat. 

Maker, he was gorgeous, and he was _all hers._

With that thought, she untied her robe.


	15. May I?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW NSFW NSFW

Cullen didn’t know what to think when he got home and found his wife in a robe of all things. 

He didn’t think much of it, even though she hardly wore robes. 

Now he wished he would have noticed everything he was noticing now. He noticed the faint scent of her flowery lotion. He noticed how her legs were bare beneath the robe. He noticed the high flush on her cheeks and her heated looks. 

Maker, how did he _not_ notice this when she was pressing herself against him? The robe wasn’t that thick after all. 

The emerald green chemise was made entirely of lace and it didn’t leave much to imagination. Cullen could barely see the dusky pink of her nipples through the fabric and the lace brought out her flushed skin, making it look like it was glowing. His whole body grew hot just looking at her.

“Maker’s breath,” he whispered, drinking in the sight. 

She was divine without the lingerie, she was utterly breathtaking with it. 

She stepped toward him again and Cullen had to remind himself to breathe. She ran her fingertips along the top of the counter as she stood close to him. She stood up on her tiptoes and Cullen closed his eyes when he felt her breath on his lips. “Is that a good clue, detective? Or do you need more evidence?”

A delicious shiver ran down his spine from her words. All he could do was reach forward and tuck his hands under the robe and clutch her hips again. Maker, she was soft. Her body amazed him. She kept in shape, but her hips and thighs always stayed pleasantly soft and Cullen _loved_ it. 

He bent down and pressed kisses along her neck, loving this new development in her. His heart was soaring in his chest. If she was doing this…it meant she trusted him enough to do this in the first place and he rejoiced in the revelation. He fully intended to show her just how he felt about it. 

“I don’t know,” he rumbled against her skin, “I may need a few more clues.”

He felt her shiver and he couldn’t help but feel smug. 

Cullen started to nip at her throat, getting high off her flowery smell and the taste of her skin. He pressed her back against the counter, earning him a high pitched sigh as she clutched at his arms. She tilted her head back, allowing him better access to her neck. He started to press open mouthed kisses down her throat, causing her to lean back against the counter more. 

The scrape of glass against the counter had him popping his eyes open and he reacted before he thought. He quickly reached out and caught the wine bottle before it could topple off the counter. 

They pulled away from each other and their eyes met and she let out a breathless laugh. 

Cullen felt his heart swell in his chest and he basked in the feelings surrounding him. Maker, it felt so _right_ to be here right now. The heat of desire was simmering beneath his skin, but it was her laugh that caused his heart to skip a beat and her smile was what made his stomach flip. 

The whirring of the camera behind him almost ruined the moment. He glanced at it before coming to a decision. 

He set the bottle of wine back on the counter and looked at her again. “Ready?”

“What?”

Before she could ask again, he stooped down and lifted her up, striding toward their room. Her laughter filled the room as she clutched to him. His knees almost buckled when she wrapped her legs around his waist and buried her fingers in his hair. She started to press kisses to the side of his face and along his jaw and he quickly was back to where he started. 

Maker, he had to remember to _breathe_. 

He kicked their door open and he stepped into their room. He tried to force himself to calm down. He _had_ to make this good for her. This was her first time and he fully intended to make it memorable. She deserved it and he wanted to show her how much he cared about her. 

He moved his hands to her arse and groan rumbled from his chest as she rocked against him. He could feel her muscles moving underneath his fingers as she dragged herself across his abdomen. Maker’s breath, she told him she would have had no idea what to do in this situation once. He didn’t believe that one bit at the moment. 

Cullen suddenly wanted to see her without the robe on. Slowly, carefully, he lowered her enough for her to drop her feet to the floor. He reached up and played with the collar of the robe before slowly pushing it off her shoulders. 

Cullen was almost brought to his knees with the way she was looking at him. Her hazy eyes roamed over his face and his whole body felt light as he watched her gaze travel from his head all the way down to his toes. Her lower lip was caught in her teeth when she finally looked up at him again through her lashes. 

Maker’s breath, she was going to be the death of him and they barely even started. 

A low, rumbling groan left him as he ran his hands down her sides, reveling in the feel of the lingerie. “Where did you get this?” he asked, bending down to press more kisses to her neck. 

“Marian,” she gasped when he nipped at her skin, “it was a joke.” She let out a moan as he pulled her against him. “Birthday gift.”

Cullen groaned when she squirmed against him. Her dainty hands started to pull at his shirt and he quickly stepped back to help her. He pulled at the buttons, allowing himself to fully take her in. 

Sweet Maker, he was a lucky man. 

He finally tugged his shirt off and threw it to the side before pulling her close again. The lace rasped at his skin and every scratch felt like an electric jolt to his groin. He caught her lips with his, not hesitating to curl his tongue around hers as he slipped past her lips. 

They moved toward the bed and he grunted a little when she pushed him back onto it. 

Cullen stared up at her, hungrily waiting to see what she would do. He knew she was probably nervous and he was perfectly alright with her taking the lead. 

Tessa took a deep breath and started to play with the ribbon holding the chemise together at the top. 

Cullen sat up on the edge of the bed and rested his hands on her hips again, pulling her close enough to stand between his legs. He pressed kisses to the swells of her breasts heaving above the lingerie, reveling in how soft they were before looking up at her. 

“We’ll only do what you want, Tess.”

She smiled down at him and reached up to play with his hair. “I know, I just don’t know how to…you know, actually get started,” she admitted, shrugging a little. The action caused her hair to tumble down her shoulders and curl toward her breasts.

Cullen almost thought he couldn’t love her more than he did, but it was possible. She was so adorable, playing with the ribbon and looking bashful in front of him. 

He would have to fix that. 

Cullen pulled her closer, leaned forward, and grabbed the ribbon with his teeth. Her breath hitched and he looked up at her as he pulled away. The lacy fabric slowly parted as the ribbon loosened and he felt like the breath was sucked from his lungs. 

She truly was gorgeous. 

His eyes met her again and she smiled as she bit her lip. She slowly reached up and pulled the chemise off, letting it flutter to the floor behind her. 

His skin felt tight as he took in the sight of her. She was all smooth skin, soft curves, and golden-red hair as she stood in front of him. Meeting her eyes again, he leaned forward and looked at her breasts before looking up at her again. 

Cullen had thought he had known what this part of a relationship was about before Tessa. But now…as much as he wanted his own needs met, hers was all he could think about. He was imagining all the ways he could possibly pleasure her now as he stared at her bare skin. 

She nodded and that was all he needed. 

Dipping his head, he caught one pert nipple between his lips and sucked. 

A long, high pitched moan left her and her fingers dug into his hair. His cock jerked as she tugged his hair and rolled against him. Cullen reached up and paid the other breast similar attention with his fingers. Tessa gasped at the touch and she pulled at his hair as she hunched over him. Cullen pulled away and tugged her forward again, hoping she would get the hint. She eagerly moved so she was straddling his hips and she tossed her hair over her shoulder as she looked down at him expectantly. 

Cullen smirked up at her and took her other nipple into his mouth. 

She moaned again and started to rock against his length. Her back arched when he sucked harder and Cullen almost couldn’t believe this was real. 

Her hips jerked against his own and she slipped from his mouth, almost causing him to groan, but it died in his throat when he saw how she was moving against him. Soft murmurs were tumbling from her lips as she clutched at his shoulders. Her head was thrown back and he had déjà vu as he watched her rock faster. Her nails lightly bit into his skin and he groaned at the feeling as he rested his head against her shoulder. As much as he wanted this, he didn’t want it to happen like this. 

He quickly flipped them around so he was over her and he sat up and looked down at the sight below him. 

Her red-gold hair was spread around her head like a halo and her skin was glowing. She bit her lip and squirmed as she stared up at him and his heart and cock jerked in response. Maker’s breath, he loved her. 

Cullen got off the bed and stepped back, quickly reaching for his belt. He kicked his shoes off and pulled his pants down before settling back over her. Her arms instantly wrapped around him and his chest heaved when he felt her soft thighs gripping his hips and her tight nipples dragging across his chest. He could feel how warm she was through the lacy smallclothes she was wearing and he had to bite back another groan as she rolled up against him. 

Cullen kissed her again as he cupped her breasts. He couldn’t believe how perfect she was. She fit perfectly in his hands and the small noises she made was driving him insane. 

He pulled away from her mouth and started to trail a path of kisses down her body. He stopped at her collarbone, kissing lightly there before moving to the soft swells of her breast. He pressed kisses to her belly, smiling when she squirmed and giggled when his stubble brushed against her. Maker, he couldn’t remember the last time he was able to just smile and relax with a lover. He couldn’t remember a time when the thought of tickling the woman he was with was more appealing than kissing her because he loved her laughter. 

This was what it was supposed to be like, and he couldn’t believe he was willing to give this all up toward the beginning of this crazy marriage. 

Now, he knew he was going to desperately cling to her and never let her go. 

Her gentle fingers in his hair pulled him back to the present and he berated himself. He couldn’t lose focus right now. Not when he was getting to do something he imagined doing for a long time now. Cullen pressed more kisses to her stomach and stopped when he reached the edge of the lacy smallclothes. He glanced up at her to make sure he wasn’t going too fast and he was pleased to see only desire in her eyes. 

Tessa trembled against him and nodded, giving his hair a gentle tug. 

Cullen curled his fingers under the edge of the panties and slowly started to drag the material down her legs. 

He dropped them to the side, focusing in on her. Maker’s breath, he could tell she was wet without even touching her. He grabbed her waist and pulled her toward the edge of the bed. She squealed with laughter and pushed herself up on her elbows, watching him. 

Cullen slowly ran his hands up her legs and gently parted her thighs. He pressed kisses along her leg before looking up at her again. He moved her legs over his shoulders and he grabbed her hips, tracing gentle circles into her skin. 

“May I?”

* * *

Tessa felt as if an inferno was consuming her body and she was welcoming it with open arms.

Every little touch Cullen was giving her was setting her blood on fire and caused desire to settle low in her belly. She had touched herself before, she wasn’t a robot after all. She even experimented with her magic a little. But this…this was in a completely different ballpark. 

Cullen’s rough, calloused hands left goosebumps wherever he touched and his lips electrified her skin. Even the scrape of his stubble, which usually tickled her, made her desire spike. 

And Maker, his _**eyes**_. They were devouring and intense as they stared up at her from between her legs. 

Tessa knew about a man going down on a woman, she had even imagined Cullen doing this to her many times. But Eryn and Marian told her that it was rare to find a man willing to do it right away without being asked. Apparently their husbands were some of the rare ones. 

And now, Tessa supposed her husband was part of that group. 

Just the _thought_ of Cullen’s lips being on her sex made her mind go blank. She nodded and waited in anticipation as he settled closer to her. She rested her heels on his back and a long, keening moan escaped from her when he finally kissed her. 

This…this was beyond words. 

Then, he licked right up her sex and Tessa collapsed against the bed, mind going blank as a heavy jolt of pleasure ran up her spine. 

“Cullen!”

She felt slightly embarrassed when he reached down and spread her lips, but it instantly disappeared when he set into it. Tessa couldn’t even hold back her whimpers and moans. She bucked up against him, burying her fingers in his hair. 

He braced an arm across her hips and his eyes met hers as he sucked on her clit. 

That was almost enough to make her come by itself. 

Cullen had an intensity about him that was always present in everything he did. And while she was used to having that one minded intensity zeroed in on her, this was different.

His other hand reached down and Tessa moaned when he traced a fingertip across her entrance. Her back arched when he slowly pushed it inside and she felt like she was going to implode. Every little suck on her clit sent a zing up pleasure through her and she knew that if she didn’t come soon she was going to go crazy. 

Cullen inserted another finger and she bucked when he didn’t move, waiting for her to adjust. 

“Cullen,” she gasped, pulling on his hair. 

His name started to fall from her lips like a prayer when he started to lap at her clit as he scissored his fingers inside her. 

The feeling was new and sharp, but it was pushing her toward an edge she never could reach by herself. 

“Come for me, Tess,” he rumbled against her before closing his lips around her clit again. 

That did it.

Tessa wailed as she fell over the edge and she bucked up against him as her orgasm took over. Her back arched and she threw her head back as her vision went white. 

She collapsed into a boneless heap, trying to catch her breath.

“Andraste’s tits,” she laughed breathlessly. 

The mattress shifted as Cullen crawled over her. An overly smug look was on his face when he settled on top of her. He brushed her hair out of her face and claimed her lips and Tessa was surprised to feel her desire spike back up when she tasted herself on him. 

She grinned, reaching up to push a wayward lock of hair off his forehead. 

Cullen smiled and rested his weight on his forearms above her. “So, did I win first place?” he teased.

Tessa’s cheeks flamed even brighter than they were and she smiled as she bit her lip. She turned her head to the side before peeking up at him again. She couldn’t believe he remembered her saying he was first place in the kissing department. “What do you think?” she retorted, smacking his arm playfully. 

Cullen’s smirk made her breath hitch and he leaned down to press kisses to her neck and collarbones. Her desire flared high again when he rolled his still clothed hips against her and she couldn’t stop a moan from escaping. She dragged her hands down and started to feel the warm, smooth skin of his back. Her breath hitched when she felt his muscles shift as he moved. 

Biting her lip again, she ran her hands over his shoulders and arms and then down his sides toward his hips. Every part of him was warm and strong and she was almost breathless as she dared to explore him for the first time. She almost lost concentration when he started to nibble on her earlobe. 

A deep ache was throbbing through her now and she wanted _more_. 

Deciding to move things along, she let her hands drift lower. Tessa had always been fascinated with Cullen’s arse. She always found herself staring at it when he wasn’t looking. She dragged her hands down his back until her fingers met the edge of his boxers. 

Grinning, she turned her head and started to press kisses wherever she could reach when she finally settled her hands on his arse. 

He groaned and rocked against her as she squeezed. Tessa decided then and there that she loved his arse, tremendously. 

Cullen started to roll his hips harder against her and Tessa threw her head back with a gasp when he dragged himself against her clit. 

His name started to spill from her mouth and she tried to push his boxers down. She wanted to _see_ him. 

Cullen pulled away from her and she sat up with him as he got off the bed. He reached for the waistband of his boxers, but he hesitated as their eyes met. Another shiver ran through her as he looked at her, and she was delighted to find she wasn’t embarrassed about being stark naked in front of him. 

Her heart started to race faster when he reached forward and cupped her face in his hands. He pressed a deep kiss to her lips, not hesitating to nibble on her bottom lip and she opened up for him. 

He kissed her until she was breathless and then he pulled away again.

Finally, he reached for his boxers and pulled them down. 

Tessa bit her lip as she took him in. He truly was magnificent. The strong lines of his muscles were smooth and elegant and a light sheen of sweat was covering his skin. Dark golden hair dusted his chest and up his lower abdomen. His chest heaved as she stared at him and a light flush was starting to creep down his neck. 

She finally looked down at his groin and her whole body thrummed in response. He was slightly longer than average and the tip was already leaking he was so aroused. Tessa found herself reaching forward and touching him without thinking. He felt heavy and hot in her hand and his deep groan made her thighs clench together to alleviate the ache between her legs. 

Tessa looked up at him and she could see how he could be aroused as he pleasured her. His head dropped back and he gulped in breaths of air as she moved her hand. His brows pinched and his eyes were dark with want. His body slightly rolled with her movements and it was a glorious sight. 

Deciding she couldn’t wait too much longer, she used her free hand to rest on his hip and pull him toward her. She let go of him and lowered herself to her back, beckoning to him. Cullen settled himself over her and their eyes met when they were finally skin on skin. 

Tessa pulled him down and pressed kisses wherever she could reach. On his brow, his nose, his cheeks, his scar, the corners of his lips. Their eyes met again and Tessa couldn’t hold back her smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he laughed, nuzzling against her. He paused and pulled back again, brushing her hair from her face. “Are you sure, Tess?”

Tessa smiled and rolled her hips against him, causing him to rest his forehead against her shoulder with a long groan. “Yes,” she breathed. The ache was making her blood boil and her heart to race and she _needed_ him. 

Cullen started to press kisses to her neck and she felt him reach down and position himself. “Tell me if you’re uncomfortable or anything,” he ordered against her skin. 

Then he pushed. 

Tessa reached up and gripped at his shoulders as he slowly moved. She had fully anticipated discomfort at least, but that was the last thing she was feeling. Cullen didn’t stop until his hips met the backs of her thighs. Tessa’s whole body felt like it was humming. It was strange yet arousing at the same time to be so full and her heart swelled at the sight before her. 

Cullen was still kissing and nibbling at her skin and his hands weren’t still. 

Tessa smiled when she realized he was trying to comfort her and she rolled her hips. They both gasped at the feeling the action caused and he finally started to move. Cullen was quickly earning first place in this department as well. The way he rolled his hips caused him to grind against her clit and she was quickly reaching the high she was on before. 

She buried one hand in his hair and the other clutched at his back. Her heels rested against the small of his back and she pushed him forward when he slowed down. Tessa couldn’t help but moan when he gave a particularly hard thrust. His hands moved down to her hips and she cried out when he gave another hard thrust. 

“Tess. Tessa. My Tess.” 

His thrusts were soon becoming hard enough to start moving them up in the bed and she reached up to grip the headboard so she could move with his thrusts. 

Cullen nipped at her neck and she was sure his grip on her hips were going to leave bruises, but she was too far gone to care. 

Tessa’s back arched when one particular thrust hit a spot inside her that caused her to see stars. 

“Cullen!”

Cullen’s hands left her hips and he reached up to grip the headboard as well, allowing him to put more power into his thrusts. 

All of Tessa’s nerves were tingling as he moved against her and she didn’t know if she could take much more when he hit that spot again. 

She forced herself to open her eyes and her breath caught in her throat when their gazes met. The hunger and adoration in his eyes was almost enough to send her over the edge. His body rolled against her and she wondered if she was dreaming for a second. He was a work of erotic art. Sweat rolled down his skin and her mouth went dry at the sight. Maker, she wished she had the energy and flexibility to lean forward and worship his body like how he worshiped hers, but he just kept hitting that spot that made her turn into jelly. 

Cullen let go of the headboard and he reached down and intertwined his fingers with hers before he started moving again. 

His hips slowed and Tessa whimpered when the drag of his skin against hers was almost agonizing. She was right there at the edge and she felt like anything could push her over. 

Cullen rested his forehead against hers as he started to speed up again. “Come with me, Tess.”

Those words alone were enough and she toppled over the edge. Her back arched and her whole body felt tight as a bow. Tessa clamped her hands down on the back of his neck and she tightened around him as he kept moving. “Cullen!” 

His hips stuttered and a long moan left him and she felt warmth bloom inside her as he met his own end. 

Cullen barely caught himself on his forearms as he collapsed against her and they both tried to catch their breath. 

Tessa nuzzled against his neck as she ran her hand up to his hair. She ran her fingers through the unruly curls as she nibbled at his ear. “You win first place,” she whispered. 

His laugh rumbled through her and she couldn’t stop her own laughter from bubbling out. 

He pressed a kiss to her shoulder before pushing himself up so they could see each other. Tessa felt warmth bloom in her chest and she felt like she was floating as he smiled at her. He looked so relaxed and happy and she thought it was a beautiful sight. A thrum of pride surged through her. _She_ caused him to feel that way. 

Her heart swelled more as he rolled onto his back and pulled her to his side. Their legs became tangled and Tessa happily snuggled into his side. 

Then, the three words she had been wanting to say for weeks spilled from her mouth.


	16. Girl's Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW talk ahead

“I love you. You know that, right?”

Cullen’s whole body froze and he stared at her in surprise. 

She loved him? She actually loved him? 

She started to scoot away from him and Cullen realized that silence probably wasn’t the best answer to something like that. 

He pulled her close again and rested his forehead against hers. “I love you too…I have for a while now.”

Tears started to well up in her eyes and a soft laugh escaped from her. “You do?”

Cullen nodded, not knowing how to contain his happiness. When was the last time he felt this happy? He didn’t care, because all that mattered now was the woman that was making him feel this way. “Of course I do.”

Tessa moved so she was laying on him and she pressed a kiss to the skin above his heart. “Since when?”

“After the birthday party, that love spell hit me,” he teased. 

Tessa arched a brow and pressed her fingertip to his shoulder and he jumped when a small shock hit him. It felt like the shock he would get if he wore socks on carpet or something along those lines. “Seriously, Cullen. And did Mia tell you about that?” she laughed, pressing another kiss to where she shocked him. 

“I’m not lying. It was shortly after that. It just happened. And yes, she did,” he admitted, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. “What about you?”

Tessa bit her lip and Cullen was surprised to feel desire and heat as he saw her teeth dig into the deep red of her lip. How could he be aroused again so quickly?

“When you told me you were coming with me to Ostwick. I knew how much you hated planes and what they did and…well, it just hit me I guess.”

Cullen felt his heart clench at the thought and he didn’t realize how much that meant to her. He nuzzled his nose against the side of her neck. “You never made me feel weak or pitied me when…you know. I think that’s what did it for me.”

Tessa cupped his face and tilted his face up so she could press a kiss to his lips. “Can you say it again?”

Cullen grinned and kissed her. “I love you,” he said against her lips.

“I love you,” she whispered back, claiming his lips with hers. 

And Cullen spent the rest of the night showing her how much he did.

* * *

“You wore the lingerie?!”

Tessa choked on her drink and frowned at Marian. They were having a girl’s night out and Tessa was already regretting her decision to go.

Both Eryn and Marian informed her about how her little stunt to seduce Cullen ended up on the show. So everyone saw her and Cullen start to get down and busy. At least they didn’t see the rest. 

So, of course, both of her best friends were asking for the dirty details, since they so happily gave her the dirty details of their relationships before. 

“So, was he good?” Eryn asked, stirring her drink with a pinkie. 

“Yeah, how did Cullen Wullen perform?” Marian laughed, downing the rest of her whiskey. 

Tessa let her forehead fall against the table. Maker, this was so embarrassing. She was able to listen to her friends’ stories with a straight face in the past, but telling her own? 

But, she knew they wouldn’t leave her alone until she said something. 

“It was very good,” she mumbled, hoping the loud music of the bar would drown out her words.

“How good?” Marian teased, poking her arm. 

Tessa sat up and frowned at her friend. “I can’t count how many times I—” Tessa cut herself off before she could finish the sentence. 

Eryn spat out her drink and Marian’s jaw dropped. Both women stared at her in disbelief. Marian finally grumbled and reached into her wallet and slapped a bill in Eryn’s outstretched hand. Eryn’s smile became smug. “Told you the Chantry boys know what they’re doing.”

Marian rolled her eyes and waved the comment off. “He was always so serious! I thought he would have been one of the Templars that took chastity vows or something.”

Tessa scowled at her friends. “You made bets on whether he was good in bed or not?!”

“No, we made a bet on whether your first time would be good or not,” Marian retorted, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“This was back in college, and I have it in writing so she couldn’t deny it,” Eryn stated.

Marian blew a wild, short, dark curl from her face. “So, okay, I’ll ask the next mind blowing question. What did you guys do exactly?”

Tessa felt her face and ears heat up and she hid behind her drink, taking a sip. The spicy, warm flavors of the rum almost helped her calm down enough to actually answer. It was only fair, she heard enough about both of her friends’ love lives and she always wished she had stuff to say during those conversations. Now that she finally had something to say she found herself choking on her tongue. 

“Well…he—uh—likes,” she paused and looked around to make sure no one was near before leaning toward them. “He likes going down on me.”

It was Marian’s turn to spit out her drink. “Holy shit! You didn’t have to ask?”

Tessa shook her head. “No! He just did it.”

Eryn whistled and winked at her. “Told you Chantry boys know how to treat a girl.”

Marian snorted. “So do elves! Fenris loves doing it.”

Eryn lightly kicked Tessa’s foot under the table. “Well, what else? Did you do anything back? What positions? You have to make up for lost time with us, you know,” she laughed. 

Tessa rolled her eyes and started to play with the ends of her hair. “I used my hands a little bit, he always stopped me and we moved along before anything else could happen.”

Marian poked her side. “What.” Poke. “Positions?”

“The normal one?”

Both of her friends deflated a little and her heart started to stammer in her chest when she added, “And I was on top a couple times.”

Eryn’s eyes lit up. “That’s my favorite.”

“Try doggy style next time. That shit is the best,” Marian added, getting a dreamy look on her face. Her dark brown eyes started to glaze over.

Tessa bit her lip, wondering if she could take her friend’s advice tonight. 

“Alright, how big is he? Show us,” Eryn ordered, smirking evilly. 

Tessa almost groaned. She had to admit, she didn’t like knowing how big her friends’ husband’s penises were, but she should have expected them to ask. She sighed and held up her hands. 

Both of them spat out their drinks this time. 

“That’s almost as long as Alistair,” Eryn mumbled, eyes wide.

“How wide is he?” Marian choked. 

Tessa shrugged. She knew Cullen as bigger than normal, but it wasn’t something to worry about. “Marian, he was normal. I’ve seen enough dicks to know.”

Being a nurse had it downsides after all. 

Eryn cleared her throat and held up her hand before Marian could ask another question. “Now that we’ve embarrassed you enough, tell us something,” Eryn said, blue eyes sparkling. “How do you guys feel about each other now?”

Warmth spread throughout Tessa and she couldn’t stop a goofy grin from coming to her face. “We said it.”

“He said he loves you?” Marian exclaimed, bouncing excitedly in her chair. 

“I said it too!” Tessa huffed with a pout, teetering on her stool. Oh no, the alcohol was kicking in. 

“Honey, we knew you loved him a long time ago,” Eryn snickered. 

“What?”

Marian snickered. “And I knew he was in love with you. We watch the show and I see him a lot at work now. You both are hopeless nerds.”

Tessa grumbled into her drink. “I’m not a nerd.”

“You are.”

Eryn smacked Marian’s shoulder playfully. “What she means is, we could just tell. And Alistair told me that he seems happier now. And to think,” she paused and grinned mischievously, “You could have had this sooner if you guys didn’t bail on us all the time.”

Tessa rolled her eyes and lightly tapped her foot against Eryn’s shin. “Shut up.”

“Did he ever tell you why he always bailed? I’m sure you guys talked about it,” Marian cut in with a snicker. 

Tessa bit her lip. They did talk about it…and it was after their fight. “Yes, and it’s a secret.”

Eryn’s brows pinched and then went to her hairline and Tessa knew she put two and two together. 

“Oh fuck,” Eryn cursed, glaring toward the door. 

“What?”

“Your shadows are here. Let’s bar hop,” Marian explained, tugging on Tessa’s arm. 

Tessa looked and she groaned when she saw the cameraman from the show. All three women quickly paid their tabs and moved into the crowd. They followed Marian, since she knew how to lose someone. 

It wasn’t long until all three of them were powerwalking to the next bar. 

“Can you believe this is happening? All three of us married and happy with respectable careers? Go figure,” Marian laughed. 

Eryn’s face broke out into a grin. “I knew we could do it. You guys were the ones that doubted in college.”

Tessa rolled her eyes again. She knew Eryn knew how tough it was to be a mage in this world, but she didn’t truly understand. Marian and Tessa always worried. Marian was a special case because she was able to grow up and be homeschooled, which was only allowed rarely. But they both still had to wear the Circle of Magi symbol on their uniforms and turn in paperwork. 

She shared a glance with Marian and Marian just shook her head with a wry grin. They had many conversations about it with Eryn and they didn’t wish to have another one. This was supposed to be a fun night. 

And it was fun avoiding the cameramen at three other bars and Marian even ‘accidentally’ short circuited the camera. 

It was a good night.


	17. Sugar

Cullen couldn’t wait to get home. All of his co-workers were asking questions about him and Tessa that day and only Cassandra’s glare would shut them up. 

Now, all he wanted to do was go home to his wife and not think about the damn case. 

He, Alistair, and Hawke felt they were finally getting close and it wasn’t looking good. Another woman disappeared and the type of victim was changing. Now, a middle aged woman has gone missing after receiving the infamous bouquet of white lilies. 

But, the bastard made a mistake. There was a trace of magical energy on the flowers and their mages were working with special Templar agents trying to track the bastard’s location. 

Deciding not to think about it, he unlocked the door to the apartment and was greeted with the sound of music blasting. 

He stared in amusement as he watched Tessa dance at the sink. She was cleaning up their dishes from dinner last night and she never looked more adorable. 

_“Now if we’re talkin’ body, you got a perfect one so put it on me,”_ she sang along. 

Tessa was a better singer than she said she was. She just got a little off tune sometimes. 

He realized what the song was saying and he decided to make himself known, since she hadn’t heard him yet. 

He snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, making her squeak in surprise and look over her shoulder. “Hello,” she laughed. 

_“If you love me right,”_ he sang in her ear. 

Tessa elbowed him playfully. “Not now, I’m doing dishes.”

Cullen chuckled and pressed a kiss to her temple before stepping away and putting his things on the counter. He pulled his jacket off and draped it over his messenger bag.

Sighing, he collapsed onto one of the barstools at the counter and he watched her. Maker, she was changing her dancing from playful to…something else that involved more hip swaying. And he liked it. 

Ever since he and Tessa made love and told each other how they felt, she was starting to show she was a natural tease. Cullen found himself almost losing control from the littlest things. 

A small brush of her hand on the back of his neck. One heated look. A certain sway of her hips. It drove him crazy, but he loved it. 

The first chord of another song started to play and it caused them both to stare at her phone on the counter. 

It was _Sugar_. 

Tessa beamed at him and Cullen found himself smiling back. 

She hurried over to him and pulled him from his seat and he let himself be tugged along into the dance. He swung her out and pulled her back in, just like he did at their wedding. They maneuvered around their kitchen, laughing along with the music. When the refrain hit, he pulled her into the living room. Cullen pulled Tessa close and lifted her up by the waist. She laughed and gripped his shoulders as he set her back down. 

His favorite part came up and he leaned down to start singing in her ear. 

_“I want that red velvet;  
I want that sugar sweet.”_

He felt Tessa shiver against him and he couldn’t help but smirk. He found out that Tessa seemed to respond to his voice and he was more than happy to exploit that. 

The song ended and they found themselves standing in the kitchen. Cullen’s hands were on her waist and hers were on his shoulders. Tessa’s smile grew and Cullen didn’t hesitate to lean down and kiss her. 

It was moments like this that strengthened Cullen’s faith in their marriage. 

It was moments like this he clung to when his nightmares were too real. He held on tight when the pain from his withdrawal was too great. He clung to this when he had doubts about his ability to be a good partner and husband. 

They parted and Cullen found himself smiling with ease when their gazes met. 

Maker, he loved her.

* * *

Tessa tried to talk to her parents at least once a week. And she and her brothers texted frequently. Because of this, she wasn’t surprised to get a phone call from her father on one of her days off. She was home alone, looking up various presents she could get for Marian’s birthday in a couple weeks. 

She was just about to settle on a deluxe prank set when her phone rang. 

Tessa picked it up and tucked it between her ear and shoulder. “Hello?”

“Hey Tessy.”

Tessa smiled at the sound of her father’s voice. It always had that deep, soothing quality to it. Tessa remembered when she used to love listening to him read to her when she was a child. “What’s going on?” she asked, setting her laptop to the side. 

Marian’s set of whoopee cushions and hand buzzers would just have to wait. 

“I just wanted to see how you were doing. How are you holding up?”

Tessa stood up and made her way to the kitchen. “It’s…still hard sometimes. I see something that reminds me of him and—“ she cut herself off with a sigh. She knew her father would understand. 

“I know. I do the same thing,” Cedric admitted. They sat in a silence for many moments before he broke it again. “How’s Cullen?”

Tessa grinned a little. Out of all of her family members, her father was the one acting the most normal about her and Cullen’s relationship. “He’s doing well. He’s a little stressed out because of a case he’s working on, but he thinks they’re close to closing it.”

Cedric hummed in thought before he asked, “Don’t get mad, but your grandfather asked me to keep an eye on this. How is he?” 

Tessa bit her lip. Cullen still had nightmares sometimes and he even had night terrors. It was horrible to watch. There were also times when he came home and just collapsed on the couch because his headache was so severe and his body ached so much. Those were the days she used her magic to help him. He was showing he trusted her with her magic and was more than willing to let her help now. 

He snapped at her sometimes, but he always felt horrible after it and apologized. It was never close to what their first argument was like and Tessa had learned to just leave him alone sometimes. She was learning to see when he really wanted her help and when he didn’t. 

“Father, he’s going through withdrawal. What do you think?”

“I know, pumpkin, but we both know what it does. I’m asking for both of your sakes.”

Tessa let out a soft laugh. “So you’re saying you actually care about my husband’s well-being?”

“You care. And that’s enough for me. I can tell you both cared about each other when you came up here and I’m more than willing to give you my full support.”

Tessa’s throat closed up and she swallowed back some tears. “Thank you, you don’t know what it means to hear you say that.”

“I know you love him, Tessa, I’m not blind, even if your brothers are.”

A full laugh burst from Tessa’s lips. “So what does mother think now? She kept giving him the stink eye when we were up there.”

“She’s more open to the idea of you two being together now. She could tell you both were taking this seriously.”

“What a relief.”

“How’s work?”

They talked about everything from what her and Cullen were planning, work, Eryn and Marian, and anything else they could before he had to go. 

Tessa leaned back against the counter with a wide grin. Her father just eliminated many of her fears regarding her family. They approved for the most part. Her brothers all told her they liked Cullen and her grandmother was tickled pink about them. The only person who still seemed skeptical was her mother and that didn’t surprise Tessa in the least. 

There was still a month and a half before the end of the show and Tessa couldn’t wait to march in there and tell those experts they were staying married. 

Tessa finally hung up and she set her phone on the counter. Her phone rang again and Tessa was surprised to see Cullen’s name. 

She picked it up. “Hey.”

“You might want to go to Hawke’s house.”

Tessa’s brow pinched. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t explain on the phone, but she really needs her friends right now, Tess.”

Cullen sounded so _tired_ and Tessa was worried. What happened? Did it have to do with the case? What happened to Marian?

“Is Eryn there?”

“Yes, Eryn was the one that took her home. Fenris is on his way.”

Tessa quickly put on shoes and grabbed her keys and wallet. “Tell them I’m on my way. Cullen, are you okay?”

He sighed and Tessa could just picture him rubbing the back of his head or scrubbing at his face. “I will be. What we saw was…”

Tessa’s heart dropped with his words. She didn’t know much about the case. Just like the medical field, the police force wasn’t allowed to reveal information about their cases, just like how she couldn’t say anything about her patients. Cullen had only let her know vague things about the case. 

“Tess?”

“Yeah?” She locked the door behind her and started to head down the stairs. 

“I love you.” 

She stopped and her heart swelled at his words and her throat closed a little. “I love you, too.”

A breathless sigh came to her ears and Tessa couldn’t help but smile, picturing his expression. He always looked surprised and overjoyed when she said that to him and she thought it was adorable. 

“I’ll try to meet you at Hawke’s at a decent time. I’m going to be stuck here doing paperwork with Alistair for a while.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later.”

“Goodbye.”

Tessa hung up and she hurried out to the parking lot. 

Worry took place of the warm feeling from Cullen’s words. 

What happened to Marian?


	18. Something New

Cullen could hardly get through his paperwork. 

The image of what he saw in the sewers was burnt in his brain and he was sure he was going to see it again and again in his nightmares. He and Alistair finally finished and they both left to head to Hawke’s to pick up their wives. 

“I can’t imagine how she’s feeling,” Alistair mumbled, rubbing the back of his head. 

Cullen didn’t reply, staring down at the sidewalk in front of him. 

The image of Hawke’s mother and pieces of other women being used as a puppet flashed in his head and he mentally shook it off. Maker, he thought he had seen it all when it came to magic, but he was wrong. 

At least it was over, the bastard wasn’t going to hurt anyone ever again. Cullen glanced at his arm and frowned. A demon had managed to get close and Cullen was thankful for his training with the Templars. If he was anyone else, he would have been dead. Underneath his coat, his arm was wrapped with bandages and he had to fight with EMTs for 30 minutes, explaining that his wife was a mage-nurse and she could help him later. They only let him go when one of the EMTs recognized Tessa’s name when he said it. 

He drove and Alistair rode with him. Both men remained in a grim silence all the way to Hawke’s house. “She’s going to be blaming herself, you know. She was saying how she should have saw the signs and-“

“Alistair.”

“What?”

“Just…let it go for now.”

Alistair nodded and the rest of the ride went quick. 

Cullen sighed in relief when he saw Tessa’s car sitting in Hawke’s driveway. He really needed to hug her right now. Tessa gave the best hugs. 

They walked in to find Fenris and Hawke sitting on the couch. Marian was still crying and Fenris had his arms wrapped around her. The elf looked up and gestured toward the kitchen before focusing on Hawke again. 

Cullen nodded back and made his way through Hawke’s labyrinth of a house. All of the stress and grief from the day disappeared as soon as he saw Tessa sitting with Eryn at the counter. She looked up as he entered and she instantly stood up and walked over to him. Cullen held her close and buried his face in her hair. He was amazed with the effect she had on him. Just holding her managed to push away all of the tension and fear he held in him for the past 12 hours. She pulled away a little and held his face in her hands. “Hey,” she said softly, brushing her thumb over his scar. 

“Hey.”

Tessa’s brow pinched and a frown appeared. “Marian told me you got hurt. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Shit.

“I was more worried about Hawke. I meant to tell you, believe me.” He really did, he just knew that Hawke needed her friends and he knew Tessa would probably one of the best people to be around her right now. It honestly just slipped his mind. 

Tessa stared at him for many moments before she nodded. “I believe you. Now let me look at it. Have they given you any instructions?”

“Just to change the bandage every day and keep an eye out for infection.”

Tessa rolled her eyes. “Typical. Let me see it.” 

“Why? It’s already—“ 

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford, demon wounds are different from normal ones and I know you know that. Now let me look. It will make me feel better.”

Cullen couldn’t help but grin and he let Tessa lead him to the bathroom. He shrugged off his coat and shirt and sat on the large counter. 

He forgot that Hawke was rich sometimes and she could afford a house of this size. The bathroom was almost the size of his and Tessa’s living room.

Tessa washed her hands before tugging off the bandage and she inspected the claw marks on his arms. “Well, they’re not deep, but they missed something.”

“What?”

Tessa looked up at him questioningly and Cullen knew she was silently asking if she could use magic on him. He nodded with a small smile and she got back to work. Her hands started to give off a soft, green glow and she held them over the scratches. 

“You remember how demons always leave a trace of something behind?”

“Yes?”

“Well, they missed the residue, and it can only be treated with magic. You should have gone to the hospital,” she chided with a huff. 

“We still had—“

“Don’t give me excuses,” she ordered, shaking her head in amusement. 

Cullen rolled his eyes as he relaxed. 

Tessa’s magic always had this feeling about it. No matter what she was doing, Cullen always had a warm feeling after he felt it. The lyrium still in his body always seemed to become less…aggravated, so to speak. Nothing but her magic got rid of the headaches sometimes. He supposed that was why he was less nervous about her magic than any others. He felt safe when she used it. 

The stinging, burning sensation from before slowly disappeared while she worked and he looked to see that only the dull ache of the scratches themselves remained. 

Tessa used the little supplies she had to cover them up again. “I’ll put a better bandage on tomorrow, this will have to do for now,” she mumbled, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. 

Cullen reached out and pulled her so she was standing between his legs. Tessa squeaked in surprise and gave him a big grin as his arms wrapped around her. He lowered his forehead to hers and he basked in the moment. He had to keep reminding himself that it was over. And he could rest easy knowing that the Templars would stop checking on his wife every week instead of just every month. 

As soon as the Templars discovered their unsub was a mage, they did just as Alistair said they would. They started to check on all the mages with an intense scrutiny. 

Remembering to bask in the moment, Cullen leaned forward more and started to nuzzle his nose against her cheek, down her jaw, then towards her neck. She giggled, just like she did whenever he brushed his stubble against her skin, and then she sighed when he pressed a small kiss to the spot beneath her ear. 

“I was so scared today,” Cullen mumbled, nuzzling against her again. 

Her fingers started to run through his hair and he had to hold back a sigh. He loved it when she did that. She stayed silent, waiting for him to continue, like she always did. 

“I’m sure Hawke told you what happened. I was so scared for her and for everyone there. I was afraid she was going to…”

“She said a despair demon came to her. That only pissed her off even more,” Tessa explained. 

Cullen shook the thought of Hawke becoming an abomination out of his head. “Tess, I never want to see something like that again.”

Tessa rested her head against his and kept tracing her fingers along his hair. “I’m sorry you had to see that. And I hate seeing Marian like this. I couldn’t imagine losing my mother like…”

A quiet sob left her and Cullen held her close. He knew Tessa hated seeing anyone suffer. Seeing her loved ones suffer had to be killing her. 

“Sorry, I’m supposed to be comforting you,” she laughed after a few minutes. 

Cullen shook his head and pulled away so he could look at her face. He reached up and wiped away a stray tear that escaped and he cupped her cheek. “You’ve done more than that already,” he reassured, leaning forward to give her a peck. 

Her gentle hands rested on his chest and Cullen remembered he still didn’t have a shirt on. 

Tessa smiled at him before pulling away and holding his shirt out to him. “We better go see if Marian or anyone else needs anything before we go. There’s not much else we can do at this point. I called Bethany and Eryn called Carver, so we’ll see what happens.”

Cullen pulled on his shirt and he followed her out back into the kitchen. Alistair and Eryn were at the counter and Eryn had her arm wrapped around Alistair’s shoulders. 

“We’re thinking of heading out. If I know Marian, she probably wants to be alone right now,” Tessa softly announced, resting a hand on one of Eryn’s hands. 

Eryn nodded in agreement. “We should go too, love,” she said softly. 

Cullen didn’t know what to say when they all bade Marian farewell. Their eyes met and Cullen managed to give a nod. Marian nodded back with a weak grin. She knew she could come to him if she needed to. 

They finally left and Cullen followed Tessa home. 

It was finally time to put an end to this horrible day.

* * *

Tessa couldn’t sleep that night. 

After she and Cullen got home, they immediately went to bed and talked for what seemed like hours. 

Tessa bit her lip and gently started to run her fingers through Cullen’s hair at the thought of what happened after they talked. They had started off with innocent kisses that slowly turned into passionate ones that caused a fire to rage through her. Cullen was an incredible lover, even when she wanted to take the reins and lead things and comfort him, he found a way to be her undoing somehow. 

Now, his head was resting on her chest and his arm was draped over her hips. His hair occasionally tickled her skin and she couldn’t help but smile. She never imagined that her crazy decision to submit her profile to the experts on the show would cause her to end up here. And she certainly never imagined being married to a man who used to be a Templar. 

Now, she couldn’t imagine being anywhere else but here. Cullen was slowly becoming ‘home’ for her and she hoped she was the same for him. 

Speaking of which…

Cullen was slowly starting to stir and Tessa giggled when he pressed a kiss to the ticklish spot on her neck. 

The early dawn light was starting to fill the room with a soft, pink glow and Tessa sighed in content. She knew they would both be off work today, so they could sleep in if they wanted. 

“Cullen?”

“Hm?” More kisses were being pressed to her collarbone. 

“The end of the show is in three weeks.”

Cullen slowly pushed himself up so he was propped on his elbow and he looked down at her. “Yes, it is.”

“That means we won’t have cameras everywhere,” Tessa stated with an impish grin. 

A snort escaped from him and he surprised her when he reached down and grabbed her hand. “Tess, I was thinking…”

Tessa pressed a kiss to his collarbone, waiting patiently.

“I know what I want, and I just want to make sure it’s what you want too. And…” he trailed off, bringing her hand to his lips. “I want us to stay together. And I want to officially start something new after the show.”

Tessa’s heart swelled and she beamed up at him. Oh shit, she was starting to cry. She started blinking rapidly but the tears were coming whether she liked it or not. “Well, that makes two of us,” she managed to squeak out. 

Cullen smiled down at her as well and he reached up and cupped the back of her neck before pulling her close for a kiss. Tessa returned the kiss for a moment before gently pressing on his chest to pull away. “What’s this new thing you were thinking of?”

Cullen nuzzled his nose against her cheek for a moment before pressing kisses along her jaw. “I was thinking we could find a house and start fresh somewhere.”

Tessa pulled back and stared up at him. She remembered wondering if she would ever have the ‘white-picket fence’ life and here was her opportunity to have it. She felt her lip quiver a little before she nodded rapidly. “Of course.”

The smile she got in return made her heart soar and Tessa happily accepted his kisses along with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, sorry guys. The 'end of the semester' struggle has started and I have been so busy with projects and work and-ugh, life. I've hardly had time to even look at this. 
> 
> Finals are close though and the light at the end of the tunnel is closer so more regular updates should return shortly.


	19. Married for Good

Cullen grumbled as he looked through yet another real estate ad. 

He meant it when he told Tessa they should get a house and start their marriage off properly, but it was proving more difficult than he thought it would be. 

There was exactly 10 days before the official end of the show. And Cullen was counting down the minutes. He couldn’t wait to be able to live his life normally without cameras everywhere. And he couldn’t wait to enjoy his relationship with Tessa without the drama of the show either. 

At the thought of his wife, he glanced over to where Tessa was standing in the kitchen, she was leaning on the counter and listening intently to her phone. Her friend, Dorian, was upset about something and Tessa had dropped everything when he called. Cullen had met Dorian, and was surprised to discover that he was also on ‘Married at First Sight’ and was married to a qunari of all people. 

Tessa had told him that while the other couple’s relationship was unconventional, it was apparently going well…or so they thought. 

“Dorian.” 

Tessa paused with a sigh. 

“Dorian.” 

Her face adorably scrunched up before she barked, “Dorian! You can’t expect everyone to have the same impeccable taste you do.” She glanced up at Cullen with an amused look. 

Cullen shook his head in amusement. Cullen had only met Dorian once, but the man knew how to make an impression. That impression was big enough to give Cullen an exact idea on what kind of person Dorian was. 

Tessa made a shushing motion with her fingers and she set her phone on the counter and put it on speaker. 

“Tessa, I don’t understand how I could have possibly fallen for him! He has no fashion sense. He’s a brute. He-“

“He supports you in all your decisions. He defends you and openly shares his feelings for you. And he bought you that expensive hot cocoa from Minrathous once. And I know you care about him too. You just don’t want to admit it because you’re so used to hiding all of that stuff.”

“Says the mage who fell for a Templar. Was that some secret kink of yours for some time, dear?”

Cullen grumbled out. “Ex-Templar.”

Apparently it was too loud. 

“Am I on speaker? Tessa, how dare you!” Dorian dramatically gasped. 

Tessa shrugged. “You’re being ridiculous. From what I’ve seen and heard, I think you and Bull can make it work.”

“Is that so? What about you and Mr. Serious? What are you going to tell the experts?”

Tessa peeked over at Cullen with an affectionate smile. “You’ll see.”

“You’re smiling. You are staying together aren’t you? I suppose that means you have to show him that thing you can do with your hips then. It’s rather fascin-“

Tessa frantically picked up the phone and turned the speaker off. “You are horrible Dorian Pavus!”

Cullen arched a brow. What thing with her hips? Cullen’s gaze unintentionally fell to his wife’s arse as she leaned on the counter again. Tessa had a very nice arse, no matter what she said. Now, Cullen was just plain curious about what Dorian was talking about. 

Tessa finally hung up the phone and she grumbled as she made her way back to the couch. “I can’t believe him! He’ll never let me live that down.”

Cullen looked at her expectantly. “Well, what was he talking about?”

Tessa sighed and buried her face in her hands. “He went out with Marian, Eryn, and I once and some Rivaini song came on and…I was a tad tipsy.”

With a grin, Cullen reached out and pulled her hands away from her face. “Tess, I’m not expecting you to-“

His words caught in his throat when he realized how she was looking at him. She was biting her lip and her eyes were a little hooded, but shy. Cullen recognized this look. It appeared whenever she wanted to try something new with him. 

Cullen gulped and a wave of desire shot through him. What was she planning?

Tessa glanced over at the camera before standing up and pulling him after her. “I can’t wait for the day I can do what I want in our living room.”

“What are-“

She paused and peeked at him over her shoulder. A pretty blush was on her cheeks and Cullen had to fight the urge to pull her close and kiss her. 

“Do you want to see what Dorian was talking about or not?”

Cullen’s mouth went dry and he felt lightheaded at the thought of Tessa dancing. He was no fool, he had seen how some Rivaini pop artists dance in their videos. The thought of his wife doing some of those…

All he could do was nod and she beamed at him before pulling him toward their room again. 

They stepped in and she pushed him towards the bed. “Have a seat, Mr. Rutherford. I’ll be out in a moment.”

Cullen’s jaw dropped when she stepped over to her dresser and pulled out something red. She quickly escaped into their bathroom and threw a smirk at him before shutting the door. 

Dropping down on the bed, Cullen didn’t know what was coming, but he was excited for it. He was happy Tessa was able to be comfortable enough with him to do these sort of things. And he was ecstatic to feel the same way. He trusted her and he believed that was a big part of why this part of their relationship was going so well. 

After a few minutes, a song he vaguely recognized was echoing from the bathroom and Cullen’s eyes widened when he remembered the name. 

“ _Hips Don’t Lie_?” he asked aloud, holding back a laugh. 

He heard her huff from the bathroom before she opened the door and his jaw dropped. 

She added to her lingerie collection and the wicked smile she wore with it did things to him. 

This set of lingerie was just a bra and panties, but they were red and lacy with gold accents and Cullen couldn’t think. Then she started to move her hips to the song. 

Cullen had to admit, her hips didn’t lie.

* * *

The wait was excruciating. 

She was alone in a room. The show wanted the experts to interview her and Cullen individually before interviewing them together. It was Cullen’s turn now and Tessa couldn’t help but wonder what he was saying. She had already said her bit and she could tell Cullen was nervous for his turn. 

The door finally opened and it was one of the TV show crew members. “You can go in now.” She was smiling widely at Tessa and Tessa couldn’t help but wonder why she was so happy. 

Apparently, the girl couldn’t hold back her excitement. “You guys are so cute. He’s so in love with you,” she giggled. 

Tessa tucked some hair behind her ear, grinning bashfully. She still had trouble believing this was happening sometimes. “Really?”

The girl beamed. “Ugh, you guys are so adorable it’s gross. Now, head in there.”

They finally made it to the set and Tessa waited for the cue to walk over to the couch Cullen was sitting on. He smiled up at her and Tessa couldn’t help but smile back. 

“So, Cullen, Tessa, let’s take a look at how your time with the experiment went,” Dr. Arainai said, gesturing to the flat screen nearby. 

Without thinking, Tessa reached out and took a hold of Cullen’s hand. Cullen’s fingers intertwined with hers and he gave them a squeeze. 

The video on the screen showed their wedding, them dancing to Sugar in their kitchen, their honeymoon, and many other moments. Tessa giggled at some of their dates. Her favorite was still their first one. Their big argument came up and Tessa’s heart clenched when she heard some of it. 

“Cullen, talk to me!”

Cullen’s fingers squeezed around hers and Tessa glanced up to see a pained expression on his face. Tessa reached over hand cupped his cheek, making him look at her. She ran her thumb over his scar and she hoped she was reassuring as she smiled up at him. The pained expression in his eyes disappeared at was replaced by the warm, amber she was used to seeing. 

They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. I still love you, it’s not a dream. Nothing can change that. Tessa hoped he could see she was thinking that. She knew he still doubted sometimes. 

He smiled, making his eyes crinkle up in the way she loved and he mouthed, “I love you.”

Tessa beamed up at him. 

The video finally stopped and they both turned to focus on the experts. 

“So, we have what both of you guys think. What’s your answer?” Mother Giselle asked. 

Tessa peeked up at Cullen and squeezed his hand, heart pounding.

This was it. The moment of truth. 

“We’re staying married,” Cullen announced, looking down at her. 

Nobody looked surprised and Tessa didn’t care. 

All she could see and focus on was her husband. 

It felt as if a big weight was taken off her shoulders and she swore she was floating. 

Without thinking, she pulled him closer and held his face in her hands and gave him the biggest kiss she could.

She could feel his smile against her lips and she couldn’t help but smile too. 

Maker, she loved him.


	20. Epilogue

Mia sighed as she flipped through the TV channels. The girls were at school and Ricon was at work, which she was glad for because having a cold and playing mom at the same time just didn’t work. 

Her thumb halted when she saw her brother and his wife on the TV screen. Hold on, it’s been six months, was this a rerun?

Mia realized quickly that this was the six-month-follow up episode and the experts were seeing if they were still married. With a scoff, Mia rolled her eyes. She couldn’t believe those experts doubted Cullen and Tessa. They were doing fine as far as she knew. 

“We are still married, and that’s not changing anytime soon,” Cullen was saying. 

Maker, Cullen looked so much happier these days. Mia could tell even when she was just talking on the phone with him. He seemed more relaxed and the haunted look she was used to seeing wasn’t in his eyes. 

Mia mentally patted herself on the back. She was glad she and Alistair were able to convince him to go through with the whole darn thing. 

“Actually,” Tessa was saying on the screen. She pulled an envelope out of the pocket of her dress and she gave it to the host. “We have decided to renew our vows, and we want you all to come.”

Mia sat up, bristling. They were renewing their vows?! Why didn’t she know about this?! She looked at the card and her irritation ebbed…barely. It was a picture of Cullen and Tessa in front of their new house…with that damn mabari Cullen found on the side of the road. 

Mia honestly loved dogs, but she could tell there was something wrong with that mabari. It wasn’t bred right. 

Picking up her phone from the table, Mia pressed the call button. This show wasn’t live, which meant this already happened. 

“Hello?” Cullen said. She could hear the sound of the dog barking in the background. 

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford, when were you going to tell me you were getting your vows renewed?!”

An irritated huff was her answer. “Check the mail! We wanted to surprise everyone with that,” he grumbled. 

Mia heard a high pitched giggle in the background as she stood up and went over to the huge pile of mail sitting on her kitchen table. She hadn’t been able to look at it all with this damn cold. She sniffed and dabbed at her nose with a Kleenex before picking her way through the multitude of bills and envelopes. She finally found one that looked like a card and she tore it open. Sure enough, there was the invitation, and the post date was before the air date of the show. 

“Did you find it?” Cullen asked. She could tell he was smirking. 

“We’ll be there,” Mia replied. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. 

“Good, you’re the one that convinced me to do all of this after all.”

Mia rolled her eyes. “Only a little! Alistair and-“

“No, Mia, it was you.”

Mia tried to think of what she could have possibly said to make him think this and it all came flooding back to her. 

Cullen had called her, panicking because he was selected and Mia finally said, “You need to do something to make you happy! You need to realize that you deserve this and you can have it.”

Mia’s throat closed up and tears threatened to roll down her cheeks. “Cull…”

“I can’t wait to see you all. Tess is excited too,” he said gently. 

Dammit, he could tell she was crying. 

“The girls will be happy to see you both. They love her,” Mia said, dabbing at her eyes. 

“That doesn’t surprise me, it’s hard not to,” he chuckled. 

A new wave of tears formed and Mia’s throat closed up. Maker, he sounded just like Papa when he talked about their Mum for a moment there. “Well, I’ll see you then, Cull. Sorry, I yelled,” she managed to croak out. 

“It’s alright Mia,” he laughed, “Goodbye.”

“Bye,” Mia squeaked out, finally setting her phone down. 

The only sound for a few moments was the ticking of the clock. Mia let out a shaky laugh as she blinked away more tears. 

Finally, it seemed like everyone in this family could be happy, just like their parents wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andraste's knickerweasles, I'm SO sorry this took so long. Finals and projects happened and then I was back to working full time all of a sudden and then I bit the bullet and bought Fallout 4. 
> 
> But, here it is! The conclusion!
> 
> I most likely will do oneshots for Dorian and Bull when I'm feeling it, along with these nerds of course. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me through this crazy idea!


End file.
